Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

Well gentleladies and gentlemen, there’s just a week to go until the Golden Slipper, assuming Sydney doesn’t get flooded next week and everything gets abandoned, with the final qualifier races taking place at Rosehill on Saturday, as will the time honoured Group 1 Coolmore Classic for the fillies and mares, and I can remember when the race used to be Ron Quinton’s retirement fund, as he won it twice as a jockey, then won it four times in seven years as a trainer.

Actually, I can’t even remember Ronnie winning a Group 1 since Dixie Blossoms won that 2019 race.

Of course, there’s another uninteresting major race this weekend, The All-Star Mile at Caulfield, a race so uninteresting it has Mr Brightside and Pride of Jenni in a match race against 10 other horses who I wasn’t even aware existed until now.

Then again, I think Crazy Craig did pick Ayrton once, and he went on to win for the first time since the 1993 Australian Grand Prix.

As for other races around the country, Ascot, which is in Belmont, hosts the Natasha Stakes (Named after Natasha Bedingfield) and the JC Roberts Stakes…

And the rest can please themselves.

So it’s on to Crazy Craig, and to quote the Collingwood Football Club completely out of context…

DO BETTER.

The F.Scott Fitzgerald Pick: Gatsby’s (No.7, Barrier 1) in the Pago Pago Stakes at Rosehill (SR4), 2:15pm AEDT

1200m 2YO C&G Group 2

Trainer: Chris Waller, Jockey: James McDonald, 55.5kg

Hello hello everyone, it’s Craaaaazy Craig, TBFB, Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, back for another week after falling over on all 3 selections last week, for which I was PELTED with beer cans by Crazy Colin after last week’s performance, and I’ve been left with a mere black eye and a broken cheek!

And if you ask me, I got LUCKY!

But, that’s what happens when you’ve got a Good Luck Charm like Elvis, and we move on to this week, where I think we might see a genuine Golden Slipper + Champagne and All-Aged Stakes contender emerge in the form of Gatsby’s, having been tucked away by Chris Waller since he toasted Roselyn’s Star at Canterbury 3 weeks ago, and I don’t think he needs James McDonald aboard, because his name should be THE GREAT GATSBY’S, and should be ridden by someone named Daisy or F.Scott Fitzgerald:

Who rode the great Gatsby’s?

F.Scott Fitzgerald!

The Billy Paul Pick: Lady Jones (No.11, Barrier 3) E/W in Race 7 at Caulfield (MR7), 3:40pm AEDT

1200m F&M Catanach’s 150 Years The Mystic Journey

Trainer: Stephen Brown, Jockey: Craig Williams, 55kg

It’s not quite Mrs Jones, but you get the picture…

Me and Lady Jones
We got a thingggggggg going on
We both know that it’s wrong
But it’s much too strong to let it go now

We meet every day at the same cafe
Six-thirty, and no one knows she’ll be there
Holding hands, making all kinds of plans
While the jukebox plays our favorite songgggg

MEEEEE and LADY, LADY Jones!

The return of the Jack Nicholson Pick: A Lot Of Good Men (No.2, Barrier 5) in Race 8 at Ascot (PR8), 4:50pm AWST (7:50)

1800m 3YO C&G Listed J.C. Roberts Stakes

Trainer: Trevor Andrews, Jockey: Paul ‘The Pontiff’ Harvey

Once again….

You want the truth?

YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!

Enjoy your weekend folks, stay safe, stay negative, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!