Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

Well friends, we have arrived at the day of the Golden Slipper, the richest 2-year-old race in the Western Hemisphere, and it stands to reason that at least 13 out of the 16 horses in this field will probably never win another race, because there’s only 3 decent chances in the field, to the point that Gai Waterhouse somehow convinced Ryan Moore to fly in from the UK to ride Storm Boy.

So considering how average Mercedes’ Formula 1 car is, that makes Ryan Moore the fastest Englishman in Australia this weekend, just ahead of Lewis Hamilton, Ollie Bearman, and George Russell.

Other completely uninteresting Group 1 races include the Ranvet Stakes, the Rosehill Guineas, the George Ryder and the Galaxy, making it the biggest Super Saturday of the year with a grand total of 6 Group 1s, once you include the William Reid Stakes at Moonee Valley, which used to be the race to mark the end of the Moonee Valley night season, but is now back to a Saturday meeting, as Racing Victoria offer up some kind of meek resistance to the Slipper meeting.

Other highlights include the Pingrup Cup, and Pingrup is a town so remote in the south of WA that not even residents of Pingrup could point it out on a map, whatever Listed race is at Ascot, and the Clare Lindop Stakes, named after the former Derby winning jockey and the one-time leading lady of South Australian jockeys

So it’s on to Crazy Craig, on for another week of woefully underperforming…

Just like Collingwood.

P(r)ick No.1: Regal Amazon (No.10, Barrier 1) E/W in Race 4 at Moonee Valley (MR4), 1:40pm AEDT

1500m BM84 Handicap

Trainer: Phil Stokes, Jockey: Brian Higgins, 57kg

Hello hello everybody it’s Craaaaaazy Craig, TBFB, Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, back from another big 2nd placing from my Value bet last week, and if you were smart enough to take the place bet, I say GOOD ON YOU!

Now, we move on from last week and on to the week of the Golden Slipper, one of the great races of the Australian turf for the simple fact that most Slipper winners turn to crap once they hit their 3-year-old season, so we best appreciate them now…

Which I won’t be doing with this selection because it’s at Death Valley, and in a race where we’ve got $5.50 the field, I figure we’ll go a little left field and target a horse named Regal Amazon, who was deadset luckless 1st Up on the Leap Day at Pakenham, and you know who was a Regal Amazon?

Wonder Woman!

Who mysteriously looked like Lynda Carter!

Crazy Colin once tried to get me with the Lasso of Truth…

The only problem was, it was his out of control garden hose and he whacked me in the face!

P(r)ick No.2: Riff Rocket (No.2, Barrier 8) in the Rosehill Guineas at Rosehill (SR6), 3:10pm AEDT

2000m 3YO SW Group 1 Rosehill Guineas

Trainer: Chris Waller, Jockey: Nash Rawiller, 56.5kg

The only Group 1 I’ll bother to look at tomorrow, and it’s a clash of the knighted pop stars Sir Elton John against Sir Tom Jones as Riff Rocket (Man) takes on Tom Kitten, aka What’s New Pussycat, and after going with him during his shithouse run in the Australian Guineas a few weeks ago, I figured I’d stay with Riff Rocket for the launch to 2000 metres…

WHY?

Because I’m CRAZY, that’s why!

So for no reason at all, here’s Elton again!

P(r)ick No.3: Fat Roy Slim (No.5, Barrier 11) in Race 9 at Ascot (PR9), 5:25pm AWST (8:25)

2100m 66+ Rating Handicap

Trainer: Brock Lewthwaite, Jockey: Madi Derrick (a1.5), 55kg

I would like to praise you, Fat Roy Slim, but I’ve forgotten my weapon of choice, and all I really want to know is when is Fat Roy Slim racing, and the answer is…

RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW…

Other Group 1 P(r)icks for the Day… at least from what Crazy Craig claimed

Think It Over in the Ranvet Stakes

Imperatiz in the William Reid

Encap in the George Ryder

Storm Boy in the Golden Slipper

Sunshine In Paris in The Galaxy

Enjoy your weekend folks, stay safe, stay negative, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!