This is simply a rough translation of an email Crazy Craig sent to this author this evening, which had such poor grammar I thought it had been written in Aramaic.

The Austin Powers Pick: Dr Evil (No.2, Barrier 3) E/W in Race 4 at Randwick (SR4), 12:55pm AEST

1600m BM72 Midway Handicap

Trainer: John Steinmetz, Jockey: Nash Rawiller, 59kg

Hello knackers, Crazy Craig here, currently reporting in from a piss frozen Sale on some kind of a fact-finding mission with Crazy Colin, as he tries to find a country bowling club in Gippsland that won’t throw him out for being a beer pinching FLOG…

We did try the Sale Bowling Club on Friday, and I kid you not he put 1 foot in the front door, and I kid you not the fellas on the front door had him doing the greatest moonwalk since Michael Jackson!

The only thing he had to do was grab his nuts and say HE-HE!

Anyway folks, I’ve just got the 1 tip today, and it could well be an omen bet with Mike Myers back in the news after the announcement of Shrek 5, and I think Dr Evil had some financial advice that we can all live by when it comes to betting on horses…

Why make trillions when we can make…

BILLIONS?

Enjoy your weekend folks, stay safe, stay negative, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!