Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

Well folks, here we are at the last day of the southern winter for 2024, and the feature event of the weekend is the Group 1 Memsie Stakes at Caulfield, the traditional kick-off for the Melbourne Spring Carnival as you get the middle-distance guns headed towards the Cox Plate, and the stayers headed towards the Cups.

That said, this year’s field only features 8 horses, well down on the 14 in last year’s field… obviously the trainers are taking their revenge on the Melbourne Racing Club for that absolutely shithouse new mounting yard at Caulfield, and so they should, because the MRC are a bunch of numpties.

Other notable races on the card include several Group 3s on the undercard at The Heath, namely The Group 3 Vale Black Caviar (The renamed The Heath 1100), the McNeil Stakes and the Cockram Stakes, Rosehill hosts some Group 3 3YO races in the form of the San Domenico Stakes and the Up And Coming Stakes…

Another highlight of the day is the running of the Newman Cup in the town of Newman, right in the middle of the Pilbara in Western Australia.

Surprisingly, Wayne Knight of Seinfeld fame has never visited Newman, despite putting the town on the map with his fabled character, whose name I keep forgetting.

So it’s on to Crazy Craig, and what a performance last week – Joliestar went on and flattened a decent field at Randwick, and our madman damn near pulled off another winner when Westriver Miracle got trucked from 14/1 into $7.50 with the support of the Crazy Gang prior to Race 9 at Belmont, found the front on the heavy track, but was nutted by the favourite Sensessional in the shadows of the post.

Still, if you got $4 the place like I did, you were bloody laughing, but you can do that when you’ve got a good luck charm!

The Crazy Craigception Pick: Craig (No.12, Barrier 3) in Race 2 at Caulfield (MR2), 12:35pm AEST

1400m BM78 Stow Robotics Handicap

Trainer: Trent Busuttin & Natalie Young, Jockey: Luke Currie, 57.5kg

Hello hello folks, it’s Craaaaazy Craig, TBFB, Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, and wasn’t last week an ALMIGHTY comeback, the greatest since Oasis I tell you!

A winner and a $4 place bet if some of you were good enough to trust a stark raving lunatic like ‘meself’, and let me tell you, there were $50 notes all along the sidewalks of Bairnsdale this week, and enough scratchies to put smiles on the faces of the downtrodden!

That’s what I am folks, an ALTRUIST.

Now folks, it has been brought to my attention many times that there is a horse roaming the grassy lands of Victoria that shares a name with yours truly, but by hook or by crook I haven’t had the chance to actually back him and see him through to victory….

But you know what knackers?

IT’S HIGH TIME THE PLANETS ALIGNED AND CRAZY CRAIG JOINED FORCES WITH CRAIG AT THE HEATH.

So on that note, while Craig proves himself the only decent horse ever named Craig, here’s the only Craig to produce a decent song… CRAIG DAVID!

WHO MAY ALSO BE CRAZY!

P(r)ick No.2: Shezanalister (No.9, Barrier 3) E/W in Race 9 at Rosehill (SR9), 4:30pm AEST

1200m BM88 Mounties Group Handicap

Trainer: Bjorn Baker, Jockey: Rachel King, 58kg

On we go to Rosehill and the penultimate race on the card, and Shezanalister racked up a Group 2 placing in the Missile Stakes last start, with a name that would make any fame seeking woman proud..

In fact, dou know who was an A-Lister?

Dame Edna.

The Metallica P(r)ick: Sentimental Belle (No.4, Barrier 1) in Race 9 at Belmont (PR9), 4:20pm AWST (6:20)

1300m 71+ Rating Peters Investments Handicap

Trainers: Grant & Alana Williams, Jockey: William Pike, 56.5kg

Putting the great Pikey aside for one moment… IT’S TIME TO RIDE THE LIGHTNING!

Make his fight on the hill in the early day, constant chill deep inside…
Shouting gun, on they run through the endless grey – On they fight, for they’re right, yes, but who’s to say…

For a hill, men would kill, Why? They do not know, stiffened wounds test their pride…
Men of five still alive through the raging glow, gone insane from the pain that they surely know…

FOR WHOM THE BELLE TOLLS!

Enjoy your weekend folks, stay safe, stay negative, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!