Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

And there we were all in one place, a generation getting ready to piss away one of the great days of the Australian turf, the Caulfield Cup, the most prestigious and richest 2400m handicap in Australia, in which second and third-rate imports from Britain and Ireland prepare to absolutely wipe the floor with our fourth-rate locally-bred stayers, as Without A Fight proved last year as he went on and completed the first Cups Double in 22 years.

And completing the Super Saturday double, Randwick plays host to one of the great egalitarian races of Australian society…

The Kosciuszko.

There’s also some freshly minted Group 1 race for the rich pricks worth $20m that they named after a mountain in the Himalayas…. it’s either called The K2 or The Everest.

Of course, last year The Everest and the Caulfield Cup were a week apart due to calendar rotation (The Melbourne Cup being on the latest possible date of November 7), but regular programming has resumed and both races are on the same day, a process that started exactly 5 years ago.

With this also being the first year that The Everest has been run with Group 1 grading, it would be easy to forget that there is still a third Group 1 on Saturday, that being the King Charles III Stakes, which was the old George Main Stakes run a few weeks before the Epsom Handicap (In fact it was a ballot exemption race for the Epsom), but was moved from 2023 to entice horses that would’ve otherwise tackled a Group 1 in Melbourne.

All very interesting, and nothing I really give a shit about.

Other highlights of Saturday racing around the nation include the Hill Smith Stakes at Morphetville, which might feature a crow-eating raider that’ll go on to run at big odds in the Victoria Derby or Oaks, and another highlight is the Group 3 Eurythmic Stakes at Ascot, a race named after the horse that won the 1920 Caulfield Cup, and this was the race that used to be the Northerly Stakes between 2005 until 2021, but once the Group 1 Kingston Town Classic was renamed the Northerly Stakes in 2022, RWWA renamed the race after another WA horse to win the Caulfield Cup.

So it’s on to Crazy Craig, and with the news that Sir Cliff Richard has decided to put off meeting God to tour Australia in 2025 despite turning 85… here’s Cliff’s timeless cover of Lucky Lips, which used to be Crazy Craig’s theme song!

P(r)ick No.1: Far Too Easy (No.2, Barrier 1) in The Kosciuszko at Randwick (SR5), 2:50pm AEDT

1200m SW+P

Trainer: David McColm, Jockey: Craig Williams, 59kg

Hello hello folks it’s Craaaaaazy Craig, TBFB, Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, and my goodness me knackers, what a weekend we have in store, and what a great celebration of racing we have in store, as Randwick sees at least 12 grown men pay several million dollars for the privilege of paying several million dollars in tax, and at Caulfield, very much the same thing, only they’re paying six figures in entry fees to get a golden cup to compensate their donation to the ATO!

You’d expect with the amount of money these blokes are paying in tax on winnings that we’d get something decent back as a general populace… instead all we get is more shithouse panel shows on the ABC!

Anyway, before I go down the looking glass, I’m going to put in a pick for Randwick, and in the great country race that is The Kosciuszko, I’m reminded of my old Spanish mate Mr Alfonse, who used to say to me whenever he found a winner that it was TOO EASY…

Well I think we’ve now found the next closest thing to TOO EASY, and that’s the little battler FAR TOO EASY representing Murwillumbah, but in fact, it sounds like a Ringo Starr classic, because any good battler knows, It Don’t Come FAR TOO EASY.

Buckle Up, Buckaroo!: Buckaroo (No.2, Barrier 8) in the Caulfield Cup (MR9), 5:15pm AEDT

2400m Group 1 Handicap

Trainer: Chris Waller, Jockey: Joao Moreira, 54.5kg

It was a damn close call in the Turnbull Stakes, so I’m going to defy my usual habit of jumping off horses and STAY WITH HIM!

The Andy Griffith Pick: Magnificent Andy (No.5, Barrier 3) E/W in Race 8 at Ascot (PR8), 5:03pm AWST (8:03)

1400m Group 3 SW+P Eurythmic Stakes

Trainer: Stephen Miller, Jockey: Brad Parnham, 58.5kg

Ah, you can just hear the whistling in the back of your mind…

Here’s a random fact about the Andy Griffith Show – When it finished its run in 1968, it was still top of the US television ratings, a performance not seen since I Love Lucy finished in 1957.

The next show to achieve that honour?

Seinfeld in 1998.

No other show since then has gone out on top of the ratings.

Other Crazy Group 1 Picks

The Everest: “Don’t touch it with a 50 foot pole and just watch the carnage!”

The King Charles III Stakes: “Considering that seedy old bugger is now in the country, is he going to present the trophy? If yes, give me Pride of Jenni” – CC, 18/10/24

Enjoy your SATURDAY folks, stay safe, stay negative, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!