Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

Alright folks, after Ciaron Maher racked up an Everest-Caulfield Cup double to complete a solid weekend’s work, back we come for another edition of the W.S. Cox Plate from Moonee Valley, the greatest race on the Australian racing calendar, and after the Irish whacked us with Romantic Warrior last year, this year the Japanese are back with a vengeance exactly 5 years to the day since Lys Gracieux terrified Moonee Valley with a superb final 300m to win the race, and in 2024 Mitsumasa Nakauchida’s star Prognosis has arrived to belt the shit out of our fourth-rate middle distance runners, and just as it was with Lys Gracieux in 2019, Damian Lane is in the saddle.

Of course, this year’s Cox Plate weekend has been pretty duddy, because the Manikato Stakes, which had stayed on the Saturday after being forced there due to storms in 2022, was sent to Grand Final Eve a month ago, with the Moonee Valley Gold Cup boring you all last night, giving us a Super Saturday at Moonee Valley featuring Group 2s like the Crystal Mile, the Fillies Classic, the Moonee Valley Vase and the McEwen Stakes.

While all that goes on, the beefed up Sydney Carnival carries on, first of all with the running of the Group 1 Spring Champion Stakes for the 3YOs ahead of next week’s VRC Derby, plus a running of The Invitation, a race that requires some kind of an invitation to enter, and the most prestigious race named after a racing figure….

The Callander-Presnell.

What a SHUPER race, Tappy!

Other than that, apparently Ascot has some kind of Irish race day, because apparently we’re supposed to care about the Irish other than one day in March, or whenever U2 decide to start touring again, and there’s a country cup in St Arnaud, named after the patron saint of dry biscuits…

Wait a minute, that’s St Arnott’s.

So it’s on to Crazy Craig, and what a great find it was last week as he plucked out FAR TOO EASY to win The Kosciuszko at Randwick, a well-done tribute to Ringo Starr, and given he made a comeback last week ahead of his farewell to Australia, here’s the dulcet tones of SIR CLIFF RICHARD!

P(r)ick No.1: Double Market (No.9, Barrier 4) in Race 4 at Moonee Valley (MR4), 1:55pm AEDT

1600m 3YO Fillies Group 2 3 Point Motors Fillies Classic

Trainers: Ben, Will & JD Hayes, Jockey: Michael Dee, 57kg

Hello hello folks it’s Craaaaazy Craig TBFB, Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, and what a wild little weekend we all enjoyed last weekend, with that great win from FAR TOO EASY at Randwick, followed by a couple of placings to those stragglers Buckaroo and Magnificent Andy!

Still as they say, even a blind squirrel finds a nut every now and then, and every now and then I’ll blindfold myself and fire a bullseye on the dartboard…

That’s if I don’t take one of Crazy Colin’s eyes out first!

So moving on from last week’s success, we’ll start off this weekend at Death Valley for the Cox Plate meeting, but to be honest, this Valley card looks as interesting as a Rex Hunt fishing special, so we’ll go to the support races to see if there’s anything, and after a quick look, I settled on one from the Hayes yard in the Fillies Classic called Double Market, a horse apparently named as such because she’s by Castelvecchio, which was a bloody castle in Verona, out of the mare First Tier!

We really are losing our standards for creative horse names… Double Market out of First Tier, I CAN’T CREATE ANYTHING FUNNY OUT OF THAT.

That said, Double Market’s maiden at 1400m at Ballarat was the win of a horse who looked like she’ll handle the mile second-up, and she isn’t the favourite either, so that fits right around my loose criteria for a lunatic pick, so we’ll lock it in with Eddie McGuire and go hunting, and apparently I need some kind of a song for a horse named Double Market…

Well, Markets involve Money, so here’s Pink Floyd!

The Elton John P(r)ick: Yellow Brick (No.7, Barrier 7) in Race 9 at Randwick (SR9), 5:30pm AEDT

1500m Listed 5YO Five Diamonds Prelude

Trainers: Tony & Maddysen Sears, Jockey: Tim Clark, 57.5kg

Number 7, Barrier 7…

It’s a shame this isn’t in Race 9, because then it’d be Really LUCKY LIPS!

P(r)ick No.3: September Born (No.10, Barrier 12) in Race 8 at Ascot (PR8), 4:56pm AWST (7:56)

1200m 3YO Listed Belgravia Stakes

Trainer: Neville Parnham, Jockey: Brad Parnham, 56kg

Can September Born do the unthinkable…

And win in OCTOBER?

I bloody well hope so, and I also wonder if he was born on the 21st night of September!

Crazy Craig’s Crazy Group 1 Picks

The Cox Plate: I went to the doctor and he gave me my PROGNOSIS… I think I’m turning Japanese, I think I’m turning Japanese, I really think so.

Spring Champion Stakes: Swiftfalcon, the horse probably named after the Millennium Falcon

Enjoy your SATURDAY folks, stay safe, stay negative, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!