Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

What a great array of races to not find a winner this weekend:

– The Group 1 Black Caviar Lightning Stakes down the 1000m straight of Flemington, a race dominated by the 3-year-olds, with 3 out of the Top 4 in the market all 3YO Colts (Switzerland, Growing Empire, Traffic Warden)

– The actual 3-year-old race at Flemington, the C.S. Hayes Stakes, the typical form reference for the Australian Guineas, alongside the Desirable Stakes.

– The Group 2 Light Fingers, Expressway and Apollo Stakes at Randwick, a solid collection of Group 2s for any race meeting

– And the Magic Millions meeting at Pinjarra, one of only two tracks in the country that actually has a 1000m straight… the other one I mentioned previously.

Now, on that note, here’s Crazy Craig with what I assume will be a horse that will probably lose… so here’s Elvis Presley with another song about luck… surprisingly it’s not Good Luck Charm!

Growing Empire (No.10, Barrier 6) in the Black Caviar Lightning Stakes at Flemington (MR8), 4:15pm AEDT

1000m Group 1 WFA

Trainer: Ciaron Maher, Jockey: Mark Zahra, 55.5kg

Hello hello friends, it’s Craaaaazy Craig TBFB, Scratchie Peasant of Bairnsdale, and great to see the return of Group 1 racing to Flemington, although if you try and say Flemington with the flu, it’s actually Phlegmington!

Yageddit!

Anyway, moving on from that shithouse joke, I’m going straight to the pointy end of the races for tomorrow, and when you’ve got a name like Empire in the field, you need only one choice of cinematic glory to listen to…

THE IMPERIAL MARCH.

It’s quite appropriate, because the Growing Empire is looking to STRIKE BACK at Switzerland after finishing 3rd behind the Waller colt in the Coolmore on Derby Day, and it could very well be that the key change is dropping down from the Straight Six to the Straight Five, although ironically Growing Empire has never raced over 1000m, although he did win the Poseidon Stakes at Flemington over 1100m, so he’s more than capable of racing up the straight!

That said, I have nothing against Traffic Warden, even though the little prick gave me a parking ticket last week when I go to buy a few scratchies to give to the homeless bloke in the shopping centre, I Am Me, well then who are you…

And as for Switzerland, I am very neutral towards them, but their flag is a plus.

So there you go, I’ll go for the minor upset of GROWING EMPIRE to strike back and tell Switzerland…