Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

I had quite the eye-opening read yesterday, as I witnessed the news that none other than Frankie Dettori, the man who couldn’t ride a winner in the Melbourne Spring Carnival to save his own soul, filed for bankruptcy in the UK…

However, if he’d read Crazy Craig’s report last week, he’d have been absolutely fine.

Ah, what a great win for Middle Earth… paid for my entire weekend.

So that was last week and now is now, and this week we’ve already had the Kembla Grange Classic to fill up Friday, and the feature race of Saturday is the Group 1 Coolmore Classic (aka the TAD Kennedy Stakes) at Rosehill, another classic fillies & mares race leading into the Queen of the Turf, and of course this was the race that Ron Quinton dominated as a jockey and trainer, winning 2 Classics in the saddle (The inaugural edition with Miss Personality in 1973 plus the great Emancipation in 1984) followed by 4 as a trainer in the space of 7 years (2012, 2016, 2018, 2019)…

Alongside that there’s a whole heap of Group 2s and Group 3s, most notably the Group 2 Ajax Stakes and the Phar Lap Stakes, and this has been a comment made for years, but of all the great horses with Group 1 races named in their honour, why in shit’s name does Phar Lap only have a crappy 3YO Group 2 race at Rosehill?

What the hell is the connection anyway?

Because he broke his maiden at Rosehill in April of 1929?

There’s only one track in Australia where Phar Lap should have a race named in his honour, let alone a Group 2 race, and that’s a Group 1 at Flemington during Melbourne Cup Week, because him winning a race on all 4 days of Cup Week in 1930, the jewel being the Melbourne Cup of 1930, is quite possibly the greatest achievement by a thoroughbred in the history of Australian racing, only potentially equalled by Makybe Diva’s 3 Melbourne Cups.

Fix it up.

Outside of that, there’s the VOBIS bonus races at Caulfield, headlined by The Showdown and the Gold Sprint, alongside the Group 2 Peter Young Stakes, Ascot hosts some kind of Listed race that won’t set the world on fire, and the feature country race of the day Narrogin Cup, and the most noteworthy part about Narrogin is that it’s where former Australian Test cricketer Brad Hogg was born, before his dear mother Susan saw the light and had him grow up on the family farm in Williams.

Anyway, if you never saw Brad Hogg play cricket before he took up underarm bowling at Manning Memorial, here’s what he did to Andrew Flintoff in a World Cup.

So with that out of the way, it’s on to Crazy Craig, and considering he pulled off a minor miracle last week and actually found a winner, this week’s theme tune will just have to be his all-time classic theme tune, Cliff Richard’s cover of Lucky Lips!

P(r)ick No.1: Miss Aria (No.2, Barrier 3) in Race 3 at Caulfield (MR3), 1:20pm AEDT

1100m The Donovan + Co Mystic Journey

Trainer: Danny O’Brien, Jockey: Damian Lane, 56kg

Hello hello friends and strangers it’s Craaaaazy Craig TBFB, Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, and last week was bloody well CARTHAIC after the amount of crap I’ve copped from all and sundry for not pulling my finger out, so to one person in particular I say…

COP THAT CRAZY COLIN!

There’s only one humble, generous bloke in Bairnsdale, and it’s BLOODY WELL ME.

Now, let’s see if we can repeat the near lethal dose of fun, and we’ll start off with Race 3 at Caulfield, where it appears Miss Aria can turn the tables on Samangu as she meets the favourite 4kg better off than last start, and with a name like Miss Aria, I’m thinking there’s gotta be something to do with music in that name, because of course Kylie Minogue is Miss ARIA with 18 wins, and I’m a man who claims to have Lucky Lips, and what did Kylie tell the world with her debut single in 1987?

I SHOULD BE SO LUCKY!

And it’s appropriate, because I Should Be So Lucky won the award for the Highest Selling Single at the 1989 ARIA Awards!

P(r)ick No.2: Harlem Queen (No.9, Barrier 9) in Race 10 at Rosehill (SR10), 5:55pm AEDT

1400m BM88 Quayclean Handicap

Trainer: Nathan Doyle, Jockey: James McDonald, 56kg

Another classic from the U2 classic Rattle and Hum… Angel of Harlem Queen!

Enjoy your Saturday folks, STAY DRY, stay safe, stay negative, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!