Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

Alright friends, strangers and people who just want to abuse Crazy Craig because he can’t tip for shit, it’s the day of the GOLDEN SLIPPER, the richest 2-year-old race in the known universe, and as everyone knows outside of the Slipper there’s a crapload of Group 1s to get through, starting with the Rosehill Guineas, the second leg of the 3-year-old Triple Crown, the Ranvet Stakes, which can now serve as a warm-up for next week’s Australian Cup and/or the Tancred Stakes, the George Ryder Stakes, and the Galaxy, featuring Private Harry, and the last time I heard this many mentions of a Private Harry was when the British Army sent Prince Harry to Iraq, because sending a member of the Royal Family to shoot at the natives was a great way to restore democracy in Iraq.

And of course, as of last year the William Reid Stakes is now on a Saturday afternoon to give Melbourne a Group 1 race on Slipper day, because the William Reid was the feature race that ended the Moonee Valley Friday night racing season, but now in this age of shifting races and goalposts to fight the threat from the north, the MVRC have entrenched themselves and are prepared for a barrage.

So all up, if I’ve done the maths correctly, that’s a grand total of 6 Group 1s on Super Saturday, the most of any Saturday this year… and the New Zealand Oaks is on at Trentham.

Other highlights include the Pingrup Cup, and Pingrup is a town so remote in the south of WA that not even residents of Pingrup could point it out on a map, although CBH probably have a storage facility there, whatever Listed race is at Ascot, which is second fiddle to the Pinjarra Cup on Sunday, and a whole bunch of other things.

So it’s on to Crazy Craig, and let me tell you the boy from Bairnsdale is absolutely fighting fit this week, because it’s the biggest day of the year in Bairnsdale on Sunday…

Yes, the BAIRNSDALE CUP, and he’s said he’s going for the striped racehorse… LE ZEBRA.

P(r)ick No.1: Athabascan (No.1, Barrier 6) E/W in Race 3 at Rosehill, 1:40pm AEDT

2400m Group 3 Asahi Super Dry Manion Cup

Trainers: John O’Shea & Tom Charlton, Jockey: Tommy Berry, 59kg

Hello hello everybody it’s Craaaazy Craig TBFB, Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, and forget about Super Saturday, I’m saving 2 bullets for Super Sunday at Bairnsdale racecourse, when we get MARCH MADNESS 2025!

Yes, it’ll be nothing to do with the Bairnsdale Cup, it’ll bs the epic race to the bottom as Crazy Colin takes on the local David Boon lookalike to drink the most cans!

Now, we move on from last week and on to the week of the Golden Slipper, one of the great races of the Australian turf for the simple fact that most Slipper winners turn to crap once they hit their 3-year-old season, so we best appreciate them now…

So forget about that, instead I’ll take a look at the Manion Cup, the precursor race to the Tancred Stakes next week, and I’ve got no idea why but I like the look of Athabascan, probably because it sounds like an ice cream parlour…

Athabascan-Robbins!

In fact, you could’ve ended that entire segment at I’ve Got No Idea.

P(r)ick No.2: Moby Dick (No.12 Barrier 8) E/W in Race 11 at Moonee Valley, 6:05pm AEDT

1200m BM96 Handicap

Trainers: Mick Price & Mick Kent Jnr, Jockey: Jye McNeil, 53kg

Have to have a harpoon at the white whale 1st Up, and sure Death Valley does funny things, but he’s 2/2 1st Up and has won on a Soft track, but I have to wonder…

Was the horse Moby Dick named after the legendary white whale, considering his dam is Queen of the Sea…

Or is he named after fabled nude nut American DJ Moby, who chose the name as he is a distant ancestor of Moby-Dick writer Herman Melville, and it’s a good thing he chose Moby, because the stage name Dick wouldn’t quite have the same ring to it…

Crazy Crappy Group 1 Picks

Via Sistina (Duh) in the Ranvet Stakes

Swiftfalcon in the Rosehill Guineas

Gringotts in the George Ryder

Tempted in the Golden Slipper

Private Harry in the Galaxy

Benedetta in the William Reid

Enjoy your weekend folks, stay safe, stay negative, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!