Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

Well friends, on we go through May, and this weekend sees the running of the Glorious Goodwood Handicap at Morphetville to end the Adelaide Carnival, which hasn’t often been glorious given the only previous race winner most people can remember is Black Caviar, although this year you’ve got an Everest winner in Giga Kick in at 54.5kg to utterly crap on the field, while some other highlights include:

The Takeover Target and the Gosford Gold Cup in the feature race meeting of the year in Gosford.

The Group 2 Hollindale Stakes meeting on the Gold Coast, which I do believe got rained out last year, and sadly I’ve got no idea what happened to the time honoured Bat Out Of Hell.

And, this week marks the last Ascot meeting until October as the focus shifts over to Belmont, and I think we could see Belmont attendances go through the roof this season as fans of West Coast and Fremantle realise what drivel they’ll be on for if there’s a game on a Saturday, and decide to stay at the racecourse.

I also didn’t notice until very late that the Group 3 Northam Stakes is on Sunday in the Avon Valley of WA, and how many Group races in Australia would be held outside of the capital cities… Obviously the aforementioned Hollindale, plus the Geelong Cup, the Bendigo Cup, so I suppose it’s a bit of a shit question.

So it’s on to Crazy Craig, and who could believe this… SER JOH was the appropriate horse to win on Election Day, one of the few wins for the National Party last Saturday, and can you believe this, Crazy Craig is going for SEVEN CONSECUTIVE WEEKS WITH A WINNER… we’ll see if the magic bullshit pixy dust runs out, but in the meantime, he’s still got that GOOD LUCK CHARM!

P(r)ick No.1: Power of the Brave (No.6, Barrier 9) E/W in Race 6 at Gosford (SR6), 2:10pm AEST

1000m Triple M Thunder Thousand BM78 Handicap

Trainer: Kris Lees, Jockey: William Stanley (a3), 56.5kg

Hello hello hello everybody it’s Craaaaazy Craig TBFB, Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, and you know why the Liberals did 3/5ths of 8/10ths of STUFF ALL on Saturday evening, copping a bigger arse kicking in the Melbourne suburbs than the St Kilda Football Club since 1873?

BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T GUARANTEE THE AUSTRALIAN POPULACE A FREE SCRATCHIE!

Something that only yours truly can provide on a weekly basis, for SEVEN WEEKS RUNNING, this time around thanks to the greatest horse ever produced by the Country Party… SER JOH.

On another note, I’m pretty pissed with those halfwits from SBS, because I tried to apply for that weird show The Secret DNA of Us… they gave me my test back and said I was descended from a potato that was planted in Sale in 1867!

How crazy is that, and further to it, they also claimed that Kevin Andrews was related to that same potato, which would explain WorkChoices!

Anyway, that was now and this is then, and we’ve got a fair heap of crap to sift through this weekend before Mother’s Day, and we’ll start off with festivities at Gosford, and I tell you what I’m liking some coalfields gelding to cause some carnage in Race 6 called POWER OF THE BRAVE, which better be more powerful than Double A batteries seeing the crop in this field, and it’s worth pointing out that this is Race 6, in which we have Horse Number 6 with Barrier 9….

WHICH MEANS THAT AFTER SEVERAL MONTHS OF WAITING, WE’VE GOT THE RETURN OF THE SEX PICK – TAKE IT AWAY, HOT CHOCOLATE!

P(r)ick No.2: Lim’s Saltoro (No.5, Barrier 4) E/W in Race 8 at Caulfield (MR8), 4:15pm AEST

1400m BM100 Handicap

Trainer: Dan Meagher, Jockey: Koby Jennings, 59kg

Lim Bizkit’s Saltoro….

KEEP ROLLIN’ ROLLIN’ ROLLIN’

DO IT FOR SINGAPORE RACING.

The INXS Pick: Giga Kick (No.7, Barrier 12) in The Goodwood at Morphetville (AR8), 4pm ACST (4:30pm AEST)

1200m Group 1

Trainer: Clayton Douglas, Jockey: Mark Zahra, 54.5kg

Because sometimes you kick…

SOMETIMES YOU GIGA KICK.

Enjoy your Saturday folks, stay safe, stay negative, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!