Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

Alright friends on we go to mid-August, with today’s feature meeting being the P.B. Lawrence Stakes at Caulfield, and many years ago we got one of the great random racing stories when Craig Williams won this race on Hartnell (2017), and in a desperate effort to make the weight (59kg at WFA) after some kind of misjudgement, he stuffed his boots full of farrier’s tools…. he weighed out at 60.1kg and weighed in at 61.3kg, escaping with a fine that could’ve been worse had he lost the race.

Williams weighed out to ride Hartnell in the Group 2 feature wearing the heavier vest, but also weighed out for his ride in the following race, the Listed Regal Roller Stakes, prior to race seven, and required a lighter vest to make the weight for his ride on Souchez.

The 40-year-old hoop, who rode a feature double on Saturday, only realised he still had the lighter vest on when behind the barriers for the Lawrence, potentially jeopardising his chances in the race if he happened to weigh in light.

Hence, Williams decided to seize some farrier equipment and place it in his riding boot to make the weight, and he subsequently rode “in excess of one kilogram” over the declared weight of 59kg.

Imagine the suspension if he did lose that race… still, it was Hartnell not having to face Winx, he was fine.

It’s also the day for the Rosebud at Rosehill, which was probably named after a TV show, and there’s a gaggle of country cups, including the Katherine Cup in the NT, the Cairns Amateurs are on this weekend, and especially the Broome Cup on the edge of Cable Beach, once rated in the Top 10 most picturesque racecourses in Australia, a lovely view befitting of a member of the Top 10 most needlessly expensive towns in Australia.

If you’re going to go up to northern WA in the winter and you need somewhere slightly affordable, you may as well go to Derby – At least they’ve got a leprosarium.

So it’s on to Crazy Craig, and for no reason other than consistency, here’s Cliff Richard with a LIVE rendition of Lucky Lips!

The Brett Burton P(r)ick: Birdman (No.4, Barrier 8) in Race 7 at Rosehill (SR7), 3:05pm AEST

1400m Captivant @ Kia Ora Handicap

Trainer: Chris Waller, Jockey: James McDonald, 55.5kg

Hello hello everybody it’s Craaaazy Craig TBFB, Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, and stuff the races right now, I want to see who’s going to miss the Finals with 15 bloody wins, which is usually enough to get you into the Top 4!

If Donald Trump were coaching one of these teams he’d be screaming for a recount, although if it were Guy McKenna, he’d be calling for a headcount!

Anyway, we’re off to Rosehill on a really dodgy boggy track once more, because I can’t be bothered looking at the other races because until next week they’re not worth a lick of shit, and we’ve got a Chris Waller runner first up on some kind of a staying campaign after he ran in the Sydney Cup back in April, and his name is Birdman, who can seemingly fly on water considering his only wins have come on Soft tracks, but when it comes to Birdman there’s only one BIRDMAN that I know about…

AND IT’S ‘THE BIRDMAN’ BRETT BURTON, THE ADELAIDE HIGH FLYER AND ONE OF THE MOST FREAKISHLY GOOD MARKS OF A BALL EVER SEEN.

You want to know why the Crows couldn’t win a premiership in the mid-2000s?

Because this bloke had more breakdowns than an Alfa Romeo.

Say, wasn’t Brett Burton at Adelaide when they did the Collective Minds camp?

Should’ve done a Simple Minds camp… do it down on the Waterfront and come out Alive and Kicking!

P.B. Lawrence Stakes Pick: Private Eye (No.1, Barrier 8)

Private Eye(s), are watching you, they see your every move…

Enjoy your Saturday folks, stay safe, stay negative, GAMBLE WITHIN REASON, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!