Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

A great day of sport.

The AFL Grand Final, the Golden Rose, some dodgy crap at Sandown, and for some reason the Wallabies decided to play a Bledisloe Cup Test against the All Blacks at Eden Park at 3pm AEST, right in the middle of the AFL Grand Final, ensuring absolutely nobody would remember they were playing at that moment.

For god’s sake, that was the perfect chance to have the game start at 5:30pm AEST (7:30 in Auckland), half an hour after the footy had finished, and when the All Blacks casually put up 6 tries in half an hour, everybody could remember why it’s so painful following union in this country.

Anyway, here’s Crazy Craig with something about good luck charms:

The Squeeze Pick: Tempted (No.9, Barrier 8) in the Golden Rose at Rosehill (SR8), 4:05pm AEST

1400m 3YO SW Group 1

Trainer: Ciaron Maher, Jockey: Ethan Brown, 54.5kg

Hello hello everybody it’s Craaaaazy Craig TBFB, Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, and between my dodgy picks and one of Geelong or Brisbane winning another premiership, I hope you’re all ready for a very painful Saturday of sport!

Anyway, best start off with the feature event of the day, the Golden Rose, complete with an all-time classic from Squeeze, a song that actually had Elvis Costello producing with a cameo on vocals… TEMPTED.

Tempted by the fruit of another
Tempted, but the truth is discovered
What’s been going on, now that you have gone
There’s no other!
Tempted by the fruit of another
Tempted, but the truth is discovered

In fact, it was Costello that suggested keyboardist Paul Carrack take the lead vocal, which is in part why the song sounds nothing like most of Squeeze’s signature songs with Tillbrook or Difford on lead, among them Cool For Cats…

The Barry Gibb Pick: Lyrical Angel (No.9, Barrier 4) E/W in Race 6 at Belmont (PR6), 4:40pm AWST

2200m 63+ Rating Handicap

Trainer: Kieran Regan, Jockey: Steven Parnham, 56kg

There’s any one of a few songwriters you could call a Lyrical Angel, among them George Harrison, but Barry Gibb wrote that many hits for that many different artists that he is a Lyrical Angel, even though he’s the last Gibb brother still with us, but enough about the man because it’s time for the horse, and to paraphrase a Bee Gees classic, I will wait for Lyrical Angel to win a race, even if it takes forever.

I will wait, even if it takes a lifetime.

Even if it takes a lifetime, somehow I feel inside, you never-ever left my side

Make it like it was before, even if it takes a lifetime, takes a lifetime!

And if she does lose, we’re blamin’ it all on the Nights on Broadway!

Crazy Grand Final Pick, and I quote the email: “I hope they both ****in’ lose!”

Enjoy your GRAND FINAL DAY folks, stay safe, stay negative, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!