Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

The good news is the crowd at Ascot for the Railway Stakes should be pretty good…

Because the Ashes Test will be over by Tea today

So that said, the highlights for Saturday:

The biggest race in WA, the Group 1 Railway Stakes at Ascot, a race that was won by Carbine in 1894… however, it turned out to be a simple coincidence and it wasn’t the Melbourne Cup winner, who retired in 1891.

The Cranbourne Cup out in the sticks of Melbourne, and this also includes a race called THE METEORITE… there’s plenty of dinosaurs in Australian racing, so expect them to be wiped out at 5pm AEDT tomorrow.

The GONG and The WARRA at Kembla Grange, and I don’t like to speak Illawarra, but I was shocked – I mean, how much can a koala bear?

And your main highlight for Saturday, the random appearance of Sir Cliff Richard:

The Right Said Fred Pick: (I’m Too) Big Sexy (No.2, Barrier 5) in Race 5 at Cranbourne (MR5), 2:35pm AEDT

1500m Class 3 Shooting Stars

Trainers: Maddie Raymond & Patrick Bell, Jockey: Ethan Brown, 58.5kg

Hello hello to all it’s Crazy Craig TBFB, Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, and in an effort to distract you from the SHITHOUSE batting we’ve been subjected to by the Australian and English batting cards, it’s time for the PICK OF THE DAY from Cranbourne, courtesy of a horse Crazy Colin thinks was named after himself…

I’m Too Big Sexy For My Shirt

Too Big Sexy For My Shirt

So Big Sexy It HURTS!

And who knows, if the Railway Stakes turns into a boilover, the Right Said Fred pick could turn out to be Right Said Fred Kersley on Storyville.

Railway Stakes Pick: Cosmic Crusader (No.20, Barrier 7) E/W

WA Guineas: Rock Fest (No.4, Barrier 8), which is exactly what’s coming to Perth when AC/DC hit town on December 4

Cranbourne Cup: Air Assault (No.3, Barrier 4)

As for THE WARRA and THE GONG… you may as well pick your nose until it bleeds considering there’s a pair of $2 favourites leading those races.

Enjoy your Saturday folks, STAY DRY, stay safe, stay negative, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!