Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

Well folks, on we rumble to Australian Open Eve and the second weekend of the Magic Millions, featuring the 2YO Cup, the 3YO Guineas and the Magic Millions Cup among other races, and it appears that they weren’t content with the Magic Millions having one day of enormous betting blowouts, so they decided to make it two Saturdays with enormous betting blowouts.

Other than that it’s pretty much forgettable racing everywhere, save for the Camperdown Cup, some meetings at Flemington and Rosehill, and that’s pretty much it…

So that said, here’s Crazy Craig!

The Dolly Parton Omen Bet: Miss Joelene (No.1, Barrier 11) E/W in Race 4 at the Gold Coast (BR4), 2:15pm AEST

2200m Quality Magic Millions Subzero

Trainer: Kelly Schweida, Jockey: Cejay Graham, 60kg

Hello hello everybody it’s Crazy Craig TBFB, Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, and what a wild old place Victoria continues to be… we’ve gone from country towns being incinerated to flooding in the space of 4 days!

Forget about Four Seasons in One Day, Victoria now features Four Natural Disasters in One Day!

Anyway, it’s another day of racing dominated by the Magic Millions meeting, so I’ll do what millions of people will be doing and firing a dart at a board trying to find a winner, so I may as well go for the old Subzero race and a horse named after one of the greatest hits of a lady who brings up a major birthday on Monday…

Dolly Parton with MISS JOELENE!

And by the way, I think this could be an omen bet, because DOLLY PARTON does indeed have her 80th BIRTHDAY ON MONDAY!

The Seinfeld Pick: Saint George (No.2, Barrier 7) in Race 8 at Flemington (MR8), 4:18pm AEDT

2000m BM100 Handicap

Trainer: Ciaron Maher, Jockey: Robert Whearty, 60kg

I PROCLAIM THIS, THE SUMMER OF SAINT GEORGE!

Alternatively…

Believe it or not, Saint George isn’t at home
Please leave a message at the beep
I must be out, or I’d pick up the phone
Where could I be? Believe it or not, I’m not home!

Enjoy your New Year folks, stay safe, stay negative, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, ESPECIALLY YOU VICTORIANS ON THE GREAT OCEAN ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!