Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

Well friends and strangers, with Good Friday raging on with races in all three corners of the country, from Ascot to Canberra to Mount Isa, plus the random inclusion of Cranbourne night races, we look ahead to Easter Saturday, which is traditionally full of wild events such as:

With daylight savings coming to an end it’s the first day of the NSW Water Polo Championships on some kind of a Heavy 29 at Randwick, with the highlights being the popular Country Championships Final, plus the four Group 1s of the Inglis Sires for the juveniles, the ATC Australian Derby, formerly the AJC Derby, the 30th running of the TJ Smith Stakes, and the Doncaster Mile, the second most-famous mile in the world…

Behind Eminem’s 8 Mile.

If my maths are right, this is the first time we’ve had Day 1 of the Championships set for Easter Saturday since 2015, which wound up being abandoned due to heavy rain and re-run on Easter Monday, the highlights being Kermadec going from being a scratched emergency on Saturday to winning the Doncaster Mile on Monday, and Chautauqua winning the first of three consecutive TJ Smith Stakes in a photo finish against Lord Of The Sky.

Funnily enough, Day 1 of the Championships was also due to be on Easter Saturday in 2021, but the Golden Slipper was delayed by a week due to heavy rain, which forced the Tancred Stakes meeting back to Easter Saturday, and there was also 2020 where Day 2 of the Championships was on Easter Saturday.

Other races of note include the Caulfield Easter Cup meeting (Including a race named after Pig’s Arse himself Jack Elliott), the Oakbank Carnival in the Adelaide Hills, the Dongara Cup is back in Dongara, and Ascot hosts the Gimcrack Stakes and the Roma Cup, which is much earlier than it has been in recent years given it’s usually the last feature race at Ascot before the winter break, and the usual country cups at places like Kerang and Warracknabeal.

So it’s on to Crazy Craig, and for the first time in a long time Crazy Craig plucked out a $2 favourite and the bloody thing actually won, as the John Denver pick Idle Flyer was truckloaded late at Rosehill, and after a nervous moment for space in the straight proceeded to absolutely shit it in, because Zac Lloyd’s won a Golden Slipper and he’s got LUCKY LIPS!

The Dolly Parton Pick: Joliestar (No.6, Barrier 5) in the T.J. Smith Stakes at Randwick (SR7), 3:55pm AEDT

1200m Group 1 WFA Asahi Super Dry TJ Smith Stakes

Trainer: Chris Waller, Jockey: James McDonald, 56.5kg

Hello hello hello everybody it’s Craaaaaazy Craig TBFB, Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, and my goodness me it’s been FANTASTIC to get a few winners and get the scratchies flowing out of the newsagencies ahead of Easter, because if the traditional message of Easter has taught us anything, it’s that Jesus would’ve wanted us to help make the down on their luck that little bit happier!

Anyway, what a fantastic day of racing it is, and I’d better start off with something at Randwick given it is the grand event of the day, and we have the TJ Smith Stakes, one of the great sprints of not only Australia, but the Southern Hemisphere and the Anglosphere, and as per usual Chris Waller and James McDonald have been seeing Group 1 races like a beach ball this autumn, and this may continue as the Canterbury Stakes winner Joliestar goes for 3 wins from 3 races this prep against some shitkickers like Tentyris, Jimmysstar and Giga Kick…

And on that note, here’s Dolly Parton!

Jolie, Jolie, Jolie, Jolieeeeestar
I’m begging of you, please, don’t take my man
Jolie, Jolie, Jolie, Jolieeeeestar
Please, don’t take him just because you can

Your beauty is beyond compare
With flaming hocks of auburn hair
With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green

Your smile is like a breath of spring
Your voice is soft like summer rain
And I cannot compete with you, Joliestar

The Hunters & Collectors Pick: Sea What I See (No.10, Barrier 13) E/W in Race 8 at Caulfield (MR8), 4:15pm AEDT

2000m Group 3 Handicap Easter Cup

Trainer: Danny O’Brien, Jockey: Danny O’Brien, 54.5kg

I tried this at the end of the Spring Carnival last year but this particular mare could only run 4th in the Matriach Stakes, but despite a poor barrier draw at the 2000m and some other horses just genuinely being betterm I’m doing it again purely because I want to be singing Hunters & Collectors on Saturday afternoon….

DO YOU SEA WHAT I SEE?

DO YA SEA WHAT I SEE!

Crazy Crappy Group 1 Picks

The Inglis Sires: (Barbara) Streisand (No.12, Barrier 5)

Doncaster Mile: Sheza Alibi (No.15, Barrier 13)… still you’d be brave backing the filly even with that Randwick Guineas win, because a quick history lesson will tell you that the last 3-year-old filly to win the Doncaster was none other than Sunline in 1999.

ATC Australian Derby: Green Spaces (No.3, Barrier 6), because it sounds like Green Acres

Enjoy your EASTER Saturday folks, stay safe, stay negative, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!