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After 7 months in hibernation, the first day of November brought the first edition of the Spring 2026 edition of Manning Jack Attack, The Greatest Social Bowls Competition Between Manning Road And The Canning River, and it has been a fairly uneventful news run in the Jack Attack landscape since we last spoke back in March:

The club has had a massive upgrade on the digital front, complete with a new website, and a new mural where the barbeque used to be outside C Green, which actually went up on Monday afternoon:

You know what’d be perfect to put in front of that QR code?

A giant plant.

Metropolitan pennants began in Perth during the week, and Norm from Jack Hughman has caught the bowling bug and taken up the royal blue of Manning Memorial to represent the club in Saturday pennants, and we discovered a rather interesting fact that this isn’t Norm’s first rodeo, as he was a member at Floreat way back in 1994… if you want to know how long ago that is, Floreat merged to become Cambridge in 2003, and the good news was Norm’s rink won 21-15 at Melville, but Melville won the aggregate.

Other than that, we have got some new faces coming in for Spring 2026:

Schitt Bowls, the bowls team from Schitt’s Creek, which was entered by Mazey from the Buffed Helmets to play alongside his daughters, who bowled for the Buffs last season and are now branching out and giving us another female-dominated team, which is at least the second team to branch out from the original Buffed Helmets, after Buffed Helmets 2:

The Ditch Dodgers (Adam, Tracy, Shane and Kylie) are a new team who I believe were recommended to us by the Jack Hughman crew, and a funny story is that there’s a Ditch Dodgers team that play Jack Attack at Ellenbrook, and in 2021 they played against our Great Bowls of Fire in the Community Shield at Hilton Park, and that particular day Manning’s resident Test cricketer Brad Hogg was there as the Bowls WA ambassador, serving as a raffle prize to play with the winning team… the Ditch Dodgers won the raffle, Hoggy stepped up to bowl for them, and put down a wrong bias.

Triple M/MMM, a team featuring my No Hope Avenue neighbour Mark (aka WILSON) alongside his mates Matt and Molly (The Ms) from South Perth Rugby League Club on the other side of Manning Road… I originally thought Schitt Bowls was Wilson’s team, because he’s put plenty of them down on Tuesday afternoons during the fabled $5 winner take all games against Ian ‘Chocco’ Walker, but the boys have been putting in the hard yards on Tuesdays for the last year in anticipation of their foray into Jack Attack, and in horse racing parlance they are coming in 1st Up after some gruelling barrier trials.

If you don’t know what Wilson looks like, here he is:

Jack Pots, originally called the Smith Family and entered by Brandon and Julie, although circumstances conspired against them and they made their debut without TECHNICALLY making their debut in Week 1, as you’ll find out in due course..

And as for Alex’s annual name change, after going over the top with Jackadder in Summer 2026, he’s gone for the timely name change in tribute to Dolly Parton, BOWLY PARTON.

Winning a set 9 to 5, what a way to make a living.

And our departing teams were the Top Shots, Sausage Bowls, last season’s Close to Crap team The Saxons, who seemingly had an encounter with William the Conqueror at Hastings, and the wooden spooners Trench Wenches, who can still take consolation in departing far more gracefully than the pathetic Australian batting lineup at Newlands on Saturday.

On an important note, there is a Jack Attack bye next Wednesday due to the Melbourne Cup, which Pricey has jokingly claimed is because the majority of social bowlers won’t be fit enough to back up from a big Melbourne Cup Day, but the official reason is due to the Melbourne Cup, that week’s Tuesday pennant fixtures are played on a Wednesday (Due to clubs hosting functions on the Tuesday), our D Green usually undergoes maintenance after pennant games, which means Jack Attack will have to hold off for a week.

The official reason is due to the Melbourne Cup, that week’s Tuesday pennant fixtures are played on a Wednesday (Due to clubs hosting functions on the Tuesday, Manning being one of them), our D Green usually undergoes maintenance after pennant games, which means Jack Attack will have to hold off for a week.

Of course, the other reason is Half Price goes to Rottnest for his annual school reunion, and the reason we have to start in the last week of October is that starting in mid-November leaves us finishing too close to Christmas, which has caused problems for us in past seasons.

Overall Night

Despite a lovely warm Wednesday that carried into the evening, the chaos began on Monday morning when Pricey sent the fixtures out thinking we had 22 teams entered, but as he discovered it was actually 23 teams, having forgotten about Triple M’s entry, creating a rather awkward situation as we couldn’t get a 24th team cobbled together on time, so unfortunately Jack Pots were forced into a Week 1 bye, for which they have received 2 competition points as compensation…

But life became funnier than fiction when Brandon and Julie both came down on Wednesday night and got a lesson from our club coach Alan Booth, then fate dealt them a good hand when Manning Up were reduced to a team of Phil and Mark (With John now a non-playing team micromanager), so two brand new bowlers got their Jack Attack debuts in the 3-time defending champion team, and the good news is it went well.

There was also another change on the night as the rinks on D Green needed a shuffle due to Rink 1 being made unavailable due to issues with the playing surface, and we confirmed it was shut by sticking a yellow lid wheelie bin on the rink:

There’s been plenty of rubbish bowled at Manning over the decades, so we finally realised the obvious solution was to put a bin on the green.

Starting off the top, the first overall nightly win for Spring 2026 went to B Cups 1, who dispensed with Ten Pin in straight sets and +13 shots (10-1 5-1) on Grass Rink 4, and they did it with Sharyn playing in B Cups 2, and I would note it was yet another collect for the softball ladies after Sharyn had several wins in the Jack Attack Margins competition during footy season… in fact, Sharyn’s nephew Alex once again collected the money on her behalf, so if he is a good nephew he’ll spend all of that money before they even find out.

2nd overall wasn’t decided until the last bowl of the tiebreak on Synthetic Rink 1, but it would go the way of the debuting Triple M, who had a massive 1st Set win then held on to win said tiebreak against the Gutter Girls after they’d finished +10 shots ahead, and before the season Sportsbet were taking bets on the Perth Bears winning a game before Triple M, but Wilson, Matt and Molly have not only done it, they’ve recovered 1/4th of their entry fee in one game, although they very nearly didn’t despite winning the 1st Set in a 14-2 blowout, which was followed by leading 6-0 in the 2nd Set, but the wheels on the wagon got wobbly and the Gutter Girls got back in it and played a well-executed last end powerplay to hold 2 shots to make 4, turning a 6-4 deficit into an 8-6 Set win to set up the tiebreak, but the tiebreak was decided by a resting toucher from Wilson that Sue from the Gutter Girls couldn’t get rid of.

Eyewitnesses, one of them Wilson’s dear wife Lee, have said it was the best performance by an Australian bowler named Wilson this side of Broken Hill, because Aaron ‘Disco’ Wilson is probably the best Wilson east of it.

3rd overall was decided on a countback with 2 teams finishing on +8 shots, but it was a pretty quick countback because Bowly Parton won in straight sets against the Buffed Helmets on Synthetic Rink 3, as Alex’s rock solid team of grandad Greg and uncle Richard very quickly overturned dropping 3 shots on the opening end of the season and won the 1st Set 6-4, then with Richie lobbing left-handed grenades with his sweeping black bowls, kicked clear of the Buffs and won the 2nd Set 8-2, and myself and Alex were both disappointed that Bowly Parton couldn’t win that 2nd Set 9-5, because the Dolly Parton joke was RIGHT THERE.

You have until December, Alex.

That meant the unlucky 4th biggest win was Manning Up, unlucky because due to changes in bar prices we decided to cut the weekly 4th place and put that $10 into the toucher vouchers, but the 3-time defending champions still got their pursuit of a 4peat off to a good start by winning in a tiebreak against Ebowla Bad, Ibowla Good on Synthetic Rink 5, and it was a tight 1st Set that EBIG went on to win 4-3 on the last end, but that was the last shot they’d score on the night as the makeshift team of fabulous Phil, Mark, plus Brandon and Julie went on to pitch a 9-0 shutout in the 2nd Set to force the tiebreak, that shutout sealed by Phil drawing a back toucher to deny Ben after he’d finished half a foot away from the jack, and believe it or not the winning bowl in the tiebreak came from Julie on debut, capping off a night that seemed unlikely not even two hours before.

Finishing off the fixtures for Week 1:

Shapes sit in 2nd on the ladder thanks to their 6-2 7-6 straight sets win against Blue Bowls on Synthetic Rink 7, and it was a result that was a lot closer than the score indicated as Shapes’ 1st Set margin was thanks to a final end powerplay 2 into 4, then the 2nd Set was decided by a big 5 on the second end, followed by another 2 as the Shapes led 7-1, and it was only just enough as Craig’s team flew home late by picking up 3, then on their last end powerplay they got the shot, but couldn’t get the second to make 4 win the set, and the Shapes held on to make the best possible start to the season.

Rock N Bowl sit in the Top 4 thanks to their straight sets win against the Great Bowls of Fire on Synthetic Rink 4, and it was a familiar story in both sets – the Great Bowls of Fire jumped out of the blocks and led well after 2 ends (4-0 and 4-1 respectively), but the old stalwarts Todd, Jonesy and Paul Alphabet couldn’t keep it up against Luke, Belinda and Jodie, who nailed both their powerplays to win both sets, the first of which saw them go from 3-4 down to win the 1st Set 7-4, then the 2nd Set they played it on the 4th End and got the score from 2-4 to 4-4, then won the decisive final end to claim all 4 points, which Belinda Mac will be delighted with as it made her the best performed Macpherson at Manning on Wednesday night with Adam Mac looking after young Indy.

Salty Bowls were the fifth and final team to claim all 4 points as they defeated B Cups 2 in straight sets on Grass Rink 5, setting themselves up nicely by going for the powerplay on the second end of the night and turning 3 into 6, setting up what was a 7-5 win in the 1st Set, and they nailed the 2nd Set powerplay as well by going on the 3rd End and going from 0-2 down to 4-2 up, sealing the win with a 5-4 2nd Set win, and it was a great result for the Salties after spending several seasons hanging around the bottom of the ladder, as Salties boss Scratch O’Brien has gone for a whole new lineup, and in fact Scratch did try and organise a trade for Jamie from the Bowled Guys after Jamie started working for him at Salt Property, but Bruce’s demands of 3 1st Round draft picks and a house in Peppermint Grove were a bit too much.

Schitt Bowls made a promising start against last season’s runner-up Jack Hughman on Synthetic Rink 5, landing several big ends to win the 1st Set 11-3, and won the first two ends of the 2nd to lead 2-0, then the game changed when Jack Hughman went the powerplay and landed 3 to make 6, winning the 2nd Set 8-4, and they carried the momentum in to win the tiebreak to get the 3 points despite losing the variance by 4 shots, and it was good win because Wednesday night marked a step into the unknown for the Hughies with Norm being forced to play lead on account of him taking up Saturday pennants, but they still found a way to come back.

The Ditch Dodgers (Adam, Tracy, Shane and Kylie) made their debut against the cartoon characters from Crawshaw Crescent, featuring the return of Disorderly Decca, while Graeme decided to try out a bowling arm (Aka The Craw) given he has a prosthetic leg and trying to bowl ‘naturally’ is harder for him, and for those of you who don’t know or have never seen a bowling arm at work, I told Graeme that they function much like Viagra tablets, because they both help keep old men active long after they’ve passed their prime.

In Graeme’s case it seemed to be right because we got a bowling arm for him out of the locker room and he picked up the thumb operated release pretty quickly, which was probably more interesting to talk about than the game was because the Ditch Dodgers played the Maxwell Smart to The Craw of Crawshaw, recovering from losing the 1st Set 3-4 to win the 2nd 6-1, then getting the shot in the tiebreak to join Triple M in winning on their Jack Attack debut.

Our two leading ladies teams the Bowling Stones and the Unbelievabowls had a good tough clash on Grass Rink 2, having the disadvantage of having to play with a garbage bin in their eye line all night, and highlighting the toughness of the game the 1st Set featured 1 shot on every end, but the Unbelievabowls would win it 5-1 after winning 4 out of the 5 ends and landing their powerplay, and the slog continued 3 ends into the 3rd Set as the Unbelievabowls led 2-1, but Tiff and the Stones played the powerplay and finally broke clear to hold 2 shots to make 4 and lead 5-2, they won the last end to make the 2nd Set 6-2 to set up the tiebreak, and it would be the Bowling Stones who got the shot in the tiebreak to get the extra point, with both teams having drawn on shot variance.

And finally, Pepperjack Attack and the Bowled Guys completed the Week 1 results with yet another tiebreak on Synthetic Rink 2, and the night for Pepperjack Attack began with Harry Holle (Buddy Holly’s younger brother) and his wife Sally filling in for Mick and Peg alongside Rotten Ronni, and the Bowled Guys only had 1 bald guy as Bruce played alongside Jamie and Jason (filling in for Rede on FIFO duties), and the Pepperjack posse struck first by winning the last 2 ends to win the 1st Set 7-3, then seemingly fell asleep as the Bowled Guys shot out to lead the 2nd Set 9-0 before they won it 9-2, forcing a tiebreak in which Harry, Sally and Ronni managed to turn it around and plonk 2 shots close to win the game, the second of 2 teams on the night to win despite finishing behind on variance.

Overall a very good start to the season, just the 2 teams reaching double figures in shot variance, 6 tiebreaks from 11 games… we’ll be back on Remembrance Day.

Results

Synthetic

Rink 1: Triple M (3pts +10) defeated Gutter Girls (2pts -10), 14-2 6-8 1-0 in the tiebreak

Rink 2: Pepperjack Attack (3pts -3) defeated Bowled Guys (2pts +3), 7-3 2-9 2-0 in the tiebreak

Rink 3: Bowly Parton (4pts +8) defeated Buffed Helmets, 6-4 8-2

Rink 4: Rock N Bowl (4pts +4) defeated Great Bowls of Fire, 7-4 5-4

Rink 5: Manning Up (3pts +8) defeated Ebowla Bad, Ibowla Good (2pts -8), 3-4 9-0 1-0 in the tiebreak

Rink 6: Jack Hughman (3pts -4) defeated Schitt Bowls (2pts +4), 3-11 8-4 2-0 in the tiebreak

Rink 7: Shapes (4pts +5) defeated Blue Bowls, 6-2 7-6

Grass

Rink 2: Bowling Stones (3pts 0) defeated Unbelievabowls (2pts 0), 1-5 6-2 1-0 in the tiebreak

Rink 3: Ditch Dodgers (3pts +4) defeated Crawshaw CC (2pts -4), 3-4 6-1 1-0 in the tiebreak

Rink 4: B Cups 1 (4pts +13) defeated Ten Pin, 10-1 5-1

Rink 5: Salty Bowls (4pts +4) defeated B Cups 2, 7-5 5-3

Ladder

Captain’s Comments

Alex, Bowly Parton: “Winning 8 to 2, what a way to make a living!”

Brad, Blue Bowls: “Good first hitout, the scoreboard was a lot closer than the game indicated”

Graeme, Crawshaw CC: “Loving this bowling arm, it’s like Viagra for old bowlers!”

Mark WILSON, Triple M: “The opposition started slow but their finish put a scare through the Triple M camp, couple of bowls cut us out of numbers, they got it to a tiebreak but we held on.”

One final shot from the night – Half Price declaring the Spring 2026 season OPEN