Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

That’s right friends, weirdos and people I’ve never met, it’s the first Tuesday of November, and the time has arrived for the 166th Melbourne Cup, the race that apparently once stopped the nation, only because it was 1930, Phar Lap was bigger than Bradman, and everyone was unemployed and had no money because of the Great Depression, whereas now we have no money because of World War III driving up fuel prices.

Long gone are the days when office workers would pop into the TAB to put a bet on, office sweeps were all the rage, they used to wheel out the TV into the classroom at school…. ah they were great times, I remember in Year 4 the signal on the analog TV dropped out down the back straight while Makybe Diva was sound asleep one off the rail.

Now, I would make another historical anniversary for this year’s Cup, because it’s 60 years since Bart Cummings’ mighty stayer Galilee decisively completed the Cups Double and defeated stablemate Light Fingers, denying Light Fingers the chance to become the first horse in the 20th Century to win consecutive Melbourne Cups (That honour fell to Rain Lover 3 years later), while Galilee backed up on Saturday and defeated Cox Plate winner Tobin Bronze (again) to win the C.B. Fisher Plate, and in the Autumn became the only horse to win the Caulfield, Melbourne and Sydney Cups in the same season.

One of the few times you’d ever see a Melbourne Cup winner ridden hands and heels, and it demonstrated why out of all his 12 Cup winners and dozens more champion horses, Bart stated Galilee was probably the best horse he ever trained, let alone best stayer he ever trained.

Anyway, a pretty even field for this year’s Cup with 3 horses vying for favouritism at $8.50, $71 the roughie (Should be $301), 23 different sires across 24 horses (Make Believe sired Royal Supremacy and Kizlyar) – Either it means there’s plenty of open chances, or they’re all just shitkickers who couldn’t lick the fetlocks of past Cup winners.

And the other note I’d make, this is the first Melbourne Cup since the Cups Queen herself Makybe Diva passed away in February, but even still The Diva at age 26 wasn’t the oldest surviving Cup winner, because 2000 winner Brew is still going at 31 (He might turn 32 on November 24), having sadly outlived his trainer Mike Moroney, and The Diva wasn’t even the oldest Cup winning mare, because 2001 winner Ethereal is only a fortnight away from turning 29.

So it’s on to Crazy Craig, and I have absolutely zero hope or zero expectation this will lead anywhere, based on his form this Spring rivalling that of the Australian cricket team, so to distract you, here’s Cliff Richard:

Melbourne Cup Place Bet: Shockletz (No.24, Barrier 17) E/W, 3pm AEDT

3200m Group 1 Handicap Lexus Melbourne Cup

Trainer: Ciaron Maher, Jockey: Harry Coffey, 51kg

Hello hello friends, it’s Crazy Craig TBFB, Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, and the old saying goes this year’s Melbourne Cup is harder to pick than a broken nose, and it’s not often you get a year where the fitness concerns for a Melbourne Cup runner are more focused on the jockey than the horse, but that’s what we’ve got with Shockletz as Harry Coffey rides mere days after having surgery on his collarbone, but out of all the options I haven’t bothered looking at he seems like the best Each Way option, because I’ve pretty much given up trying to pick an outright Melbourne Cup winner, as he gets in with the bottom weight in the great game against the handicapper, had 2 pretty good freshen up runs and drops 7 kilos off his 2nd placing in the Tesio at Flemington on Cox Plate day, has a good relationship with the track having won twice over 2500m, including the Hotham Handicap to get into the Cup, and I think there’s some good OMEN BET quality in Shockletz:

Sired by 2009 winner Shocking, who won his Melbourne Cup on November 3, the same day as this year’s race

Shocking and Shockletz qualified by winning the The Archer/Hotham Handicap, as did Shockletz, albeit Shocking’s win was on Derby Day and Shockletz won the race in September…

And Shockletz races in Shocking’s familiar black & orange silks belonging to owner Laurence Eales!

Flemington Pick No.2: Terilee (No.8, Barrier 9) E/W in Race 9 at Flemington (MR9), 4:35pm AEDT

1400m Group 3 Mares Hong Kong Jockey Club Stakes

Trainer: Michael Kent, Jockey: William Pike, 55kg

Third leg of the quaddie, although we’ll all be shot to bits by the notorious first leg that is the Cup, and I say Terilee CAN turn the screws on Shadhavar after she got a pathetic pissy leader biased track at Caulfield, but now we get to the big kids’ playground at Flemington where the middle of the track is the king, and you know who’s the king on this punting guide?

WILLIAM BLOODY PIKE.

GET IT DONE, WIZARD.

Enjoy your Tuesday folks, STAY DRY, stay safe, stay negative, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, this has been Crazy Craig, and remember, don’t steal your mates’ beer and GAMBLE RESPONSIBLY AT ALL TIMES.