The Big Bash home & away season was a fair reflection on the state of Australian cricket- A once mighty golden goose, now eaten and shat out after a 3-course-meal with a glass of Sav Blanc.

And unfortunately, there’s only 3 games to go, which according to Channel 7, are less important than one-eyed pirates trying to cook fish fillets. Sounds about right, especially after Channel 10 decided comedians going into the jungle was more important.

Time to review the stragglers not worthy to grace the BBL Finals.

5TH- BRISBANE HEAT (6-7-1)

After using the lights to screw over the Thunder and ultimately dust off their season, the lights have been turned out on Brisbane’s season, of course, by the team they just bent over inside 10 overs just two days ago. The Heat’s season reinforces my biased idea that Queensland is the home of deadset buggery in Australia, going all the way back to Sir Joh’s time in power.

Q: How many Heat fans does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None, they just sit around and wait until time runs out.

6TH- SYDNEY THUNDER (6-7-1)

The most consistently terrible team in the Big Bash did what they pretty much always do- Miss the finals. The Thunder stocked up by recruiting two big name Englishmen in Jos ‘The Boss’ Buttler, who was leading the BBL with 273 runs in his 7 innings, while Joe was very much a dud Root, averaging just 14 with the bat. In fact, the Sydney thunder did more damage to the Sydney Thunder than Joe Root did for them. Oh yes, also the Gabba lights are now their sworn enemies.

But on the bright side, they are still the only team in the BBL to have a 100% record in finals!

7TH- ADELAIDE STRIKERS (6-8)

After starting the season as defending champions and beating the Heat easily in the season opener, things just didn’t go right for the Strikers, scoring fewer than 100 runs twice (88 against the Scorchers and 97 against the Thunder) and then getting beaten up by the Stars and Sixers which finished off their season.

In a very poxy bowling attack, the only real shining light was more great spin bowling from Rashid Khan, who I can say has legitimately changed the way teams approach the Big Bash, as evidenced with the Heat signing fellow Afghani Mujeeb Ur Rahman, the Hurricanes signing Qais Ahmad, and the Stars even going to Nepal to sign Sandeep Lamichhane.

That, and they did beat the Hurricanes in Tasmania. Somehow.

8TH- PERTH SCORCHERS (4-10)

After being the only team to make the finals in the first seven editions of the Big Bash, Justin Langer took up the poisoned chalice of coaching Australia and the Scorchers under Hank Voges just never took off. Most of the time while I watched the Scorchers shit it up night after night, I really felt they could have used a few players that play regular cricket for WA, like, perhaps, D’Arcy Short, Josh Philippe and Marcus Stoinis? I’m sure a few Pacific Islands in their contracts should get them back.

On another note, Cameron Bancroft, fresh off returning from his ban for that thing that happened in South Africa that I’ve forgotten, has confirmed he will rejoin Tame Impala after the Shield season finishes, in his beloved role on the kazoo.

Anyway, may the finals come soon- The sooner we can forget this season, the better.