Here’s a great joke for Sunday evening.

I backed 3 of these runners… you can probably guess which one I didn’t back.

Gem Song in Race 4 at Rosehill- 2nd

G2 Shannon Stakes

Fair dinkum Brenton.

Stick your head in a pool of frozen water, and then pull it out and struggle for a few seconds, and then think about what the hell you were trying to do there.

“All we have to do is jump cleanly, sit just off the speed, and have the last crack at them in the straight.”

“I know, let’s ping the lid and sit outside the leader and let everyone else have the last crack!”

And then she took an age to get past Tom Melbourne, which also allowed the Waller stablemate in Mister Sea Wolf to sidle up on the fence and cruise to the lead and win.

A result that was the capital letter to begin the crap sentence that was my weekend.

Bunker Buster in Race 4 at Belmont- WINNER

I saw Bunker Buster drifted from $1.80 to $2.50 before the jump, and it did get slightly nervous about what might lie ahead.

Fortunately, Jade McNaught has hit a purple patch lately, and kept him in clear running before peeling out in the straight, in a race that strangely went exactly as I hoped- Uncle Lino gave a good sight in front, but Bunker Buster had the turn of foot to eventually cut him down with 50 to go and win moving away.

Adam Durrant said his track riders call him Square Wheels because of the way he moves, and he apparently still hasn’t made a decision on going to the Goldfields this weekend.

You might think I backed Bunker Buster, but naturally, I’d put my money on Richmond winning between 1-39 points and didn’t jump on, and I’d backed Yes Yes Yes to win the Golden Rose with Money back.

Dalasan in Race 5 at Caulfield- 2nd

G3 Caulfield Guineas Prelude

I did say we’d learn more about Alligator Blood than Dalasan, and it turns out that the Gator is more than good enough to beat some of the camels racing south of the Murray, as he comes flying in to caluclations for the Caulfield Guineas

Dalasan was given every possible hope, but just as he did in the Danehill, he couldn’t get going until the 100m (Whether or not it was down to Raquel Clark’s lack of strength, I won’t bother to determine), by which point the Gator had crawled up the river to score another win.

Homesman in Race 7 at Caulfield- 2nd

G1 Underwood Stakes

BLACK HEART BART.

BLACK HEART F******G BART.

HASN’T WON FOR TWO AND A HALF YEARS, HAS HIS CAREER ENDED BY LEG PROBLEMS AND THEN COMES BACK, GETS ABSOLUTELY THUMPED IN THE RUPERT CLARKE LAST WEEK…

AND THEN MAGICALLY GOES UP 1800M AND WINS…. NOTHING SUSS AT ALL.

AND DON’T THINK I HAVEN’T FORGOTTEN THAT RIDE ON HOMESMAN- 3 WIDE NO BLOODY COVER- GET STUFFED.

After the latest shitshow of a WFA Group 1 in Australia, here’s my JT Advice:

Get on Lys Gracieux to win the Cox Plate, because christ almighty, if that’s what we’re dishing up, the Japanese are going to treat us like whales.

Crazy Craig’s Tip Of The Day

LAYING Zoustyle in Race 8 at Caulfield- LAY SUCCESSFUL

Listed Testa Rossa Stakes

I can’t lie to you, I thought Zoustyle was going to give the finger to Crazy Craig with the way he was travelling out in front on the turn, having easily swept aside Special Reward.

And then with 100 to go, the Queenslander was crying for the post and for a breath of air, as Haunted closed in and looked set to claim victory, only for Renewal to fly from off the speed and the wide gate to win a thriller… which next to no horse had done all day on the Afghanistan of race tracks.

In another turn of events, I can’t actually get through to Crazy Craig at the moment, because he’s cut his landline (Apparently due to schizophrenia), and he’s also most likely thrown his phone in the bushes.

Might have to see what Crazy Colin is doing this Friday.