Because detailed analysis isn’t my forte, I’ll restrict this ground-breaking research to 9 word answers, many of which aren’t 9 word answers.
But what the heck, it’s my birthday, so enjoy.
Only 2 premierships in 39 years… Pfft, what slouches.
GWS (Runners Up)
They currently resemble the USSR in December of 1991.
Collingwood (Prelim Finalists)
Injuries deny Pies chance to lose another Grand Final.
Geelong (Prelim Finalists)
Their finals campaigns always resemble the Pyramid Building Society.
Brisbane (Semi Finalists)
Church of Fagan accepting new members- Praise Lord Fagan.
West Coast (Semi Finalists)
Just hope that Tim Kelly doesn’t piss out Gatorade.
Western Bulldogs (7th)
All footage of the Elimination Final has mysteriously disappeared.
There will be no threepeat of Trade Period premierships.
Remember NOT to tackle Tom Mitchell this Pre Season.
Port Adelaide (10th)
Happy 150th Port- Remember Ben Brown ruining your season?
Hang on, did Adelaide appoint Matty Nicks or Nigel Smart?
North Melbourne (12th)
Hang on, what on earth is a ‘North Melbourne’?
Nat Fyfe Nat Fyfe Nat Fyfe Nat Fyfe LONGMUIR!
St Kilda (14th)
Sure they have upside, but remember, it’s St Kilda.
The Sydney Swans- Trying to stockpile injured key forwards.
The most optimistic Bottom 4 Carlton team in history.
Darren Burgess is going to slaughter you over summer.
Gold Coast (Wooden Spooners)
Europe in 1945 had better infrastructure than the Suns.
It appears I have as much understanding of 9 word answers as Damien Barrett does of the concept of sliding doors moments.