American Football

Tuesday Tithbits: 12th November

In between all this talks about politicising climate change, the negligence of this government, and deranged political leaders ranting about The Greens banning backburning, here’s a few things I’ve taken a look at on a Tuesday.


The Pakistan- Australia A Match in Perth

Alfie Langer, Trevor Hohns and the other farm animals on the selection panel came into this 3-Day match at Perth Stadium thinking they were going to find a few answers as to who could open for the Gabba test against Pakistan.

And then, after Shafiq and Azam scored centuries and Pakistan made 428, within 16 overs, Australia were discombobulated and reeling at 6/44, and then 9/57, having lost a very commendable 7/20 in 14 overs, as every possible opening candidate to partner David Warner wet themselves against the second coming of Imran Khan, who I’m pretty sure had a spell of 4 wickets for 1 run.

And of course, the only bloke that passed 20 was the first one that got written off this summer.

Here’s my idea for the team for The Gabba in a fortnight- Why don’t we just pick 10 players, and have Dave Warner open by himself?

It surely can’t be any worse watching these useless pole smokers try and wield the willow, let alone open for a Test team?


The ABC/ABC Grandstand not broadcasting live commentary for the Tokyo Olympics

So for the first time since the 1948 London Games, our national broadcaster won’t be providing live commentary of events, something EVEN THE AOC DIDN’T AGREE WITH.

Amazing- You’d have to really screw up to get called up by the brains trust at the AOC.

Even Dawn Fraser couldn’t accomplish that for causing an international incident.

I suppose they’d slowly lost relevance over the last 2 Summer games, coinciding with the Liberal Government being voted in and stripping the ABC’s budget, and making the likes of Tony Jones and Leigh Sales sell several of their non-vital organs just to make a living.

But that said, I’ll miss it, especially with some of the great moments they provided- I can still remember listening to Ken Wallace come from nowhere to win the Kayak gold on the second-last day of the Beijing Olympics, thinking he’d pulled some kind of Steve Bradbury fluke and that he might get disqualified.

Yes, I wasn’t too bright.


Rally Australia cancelled because of the NSW Bushfires

Obviously because of the catastrophic events in the Northern Rivers, the organisers tried revising it to a shortened 90km route during the weekend before common sense prevailed this morning, after a meeting with the NSW Government, the international motor sports governing body FIA, emergency services and the local community.

It won’t have an effect on the WRC Drivers’ Championship, because the Estonian Ott Tanak had already secured the title at Catalunya last month, the first time a non-Frenchman has won that in 16 years, but it does mean the Manufacturers Title will go the way of Hyundai.

It’s a real shame as well, considering Australia isn’t on the WRC calendar next year, having been replaced, or more accurately, outbid by New Zealand.

Obviously though, that’s the last thing on people’s minds in the Northern Rivers right now.


Formula 1 going net-zero carbon emissions by 2030

They’ve also announced they aim to be Bernie-free by 2025, although I suspect Mr Ecclestone may very well have discovered the secret to eternal life.


More pathetic sneering and sniping from the Supercars Paddock

Since taking shreds off DJR-Penske is the theme of the year in the ATCC, Triple 8 boss Roland Dane added to that by saying fining DJR-Penske is a waste of time, because they’ve got more money than any other team, their Bathurst win is tainted, and and that taking team points away from them is a better punishment.

That comment coincidentally comes as Scott wraps up the Drivers’ title, and with Triple 8 sitting 2nd behind DJR-P with a round to go.

And that comment about money also coming from the man who had the best funded team on the grid, prior to Mr Penske coming along and kicking his arse.

So that said Mr Dane, what do you want to be, the pot, or the kettle?

If you looked up the definition of “Whinging pom” and “Raging hypocrite” in the Oxford Dictionary, then your head would be superglued right next to it, alongside several members of England’s 2005 Ashes team.

His cars routinely finished 1-2 even 1-2-3 at Sandown in 2018, and all he said to everyone was build a better car, while his team was pulling on stuff like comoposite panels which gave them a massive weight advantage over the FGX Falcons.

And then, the second Roger Penske and McLaughlin figure it out and steal the lunch money from the resident playground bully, he goes whinging for parity adjustments, which inherently benefit his team more than any other Holden team, which he got HALF A DOZEN TIMES THIS YEAR, because Supercars completely failed to check on the development of the Mustang.

Penske coming in pretty much saved the series as a viewing product, because it actually allowed someone to sustain a fight to Triple 8 for a whole season, and for goodness sake, Roger has that much pull he managed to bring Ford back and get the Mustang going for the few remaining teams.

And yet, all Supercars and the bosses of the Holden teams do is repeatedly shit on them in public because they’re a Ford team.

You know why nobody’s tearing shreds off a team like Walkinshaw-Andretti United, despite them being backed by Michael Frikkin’ Andretti and McLaren boss Zak Brown?

Quite simple- They aren’t coming close to winning.


David Fifita

Given he’s now got ‘Time spent in a jail cell’ under his belt, I suppose this should move him ahead of Matt Lodge in the race to become the Broncos’ next captain.


One week until the Davis Cup Finals in Madrid

Australia is in a group with Belgium and Colombia, they’ll have Nick Kyrgios and Alex de Minaur, so they’ve got about a 3,720/1 chance of winning the thing.

Who am I kidding, there’s a higher chance of a satellite falling from space and striking Parliament House.


Australians in the NFL: Week 10 Edition

(The Broncos & Eagles had byes)


Lachie Edwards (NY Jets) defeated the NY Giants 34-27 @ Metlife Stadium

The quadrennial battle to decide who was the less shitty team in New Jersey, and we have a resounding winner.

The New York Giants.

Aside from Lachie’s usual 6 punts a game, the real highlight was Jets safety Jamal Adams performing one of the smoothest plays you’ll see all decade, as he destroyed a so-called block by Saquon Barkley, tackled Giants QB Daniel Jones, and instead of completing the sack, he ripped the ball clean out of his hands, and ran 25 yards untouched for a touchdown to extend the Jets’ lead.

That was downright nasty, and thankfully for the Jets, it was the play that epitomised only their 2nd win of 2019.

Jordan Berry (Pittsburgh Steelers)- defeated LA Rams 17-12 @ Heinz Field

With both teams as impotent in attack as a middle-aged man following a vasectomy, the defenses dominated, in what was a fitting tribute as the Steelers celebrated the 40th anniversary of their Super Bowl XIV victory over the Rams, led by the Steel Curtain.

The Steelers fumbled on the second play of the game, and the Rams recovered and ran it in for a touchdown, but the Steelers would eventually get a drive going and tie the scores, before getting a defensive touchdown of their own thanks to Minkah Fitzpatrick, on a play that originally looked like a forward pass from Jared Goff, but was overturned to a clear fumble, with the ball having slipped out of his hand.

A bunch of punts, turnovers, and a safety later, the Steelers got the job done 17-12, after shutting down the Rams offense twice on their last 2 drives, first on downs, and then a pick to end the ballgame.

After their 0-3 start, the Steelers have now won 5 of their last 6 games… and that loss was by 3 points in Overtime to a red hot Ravens team.

In the meantime, Berry punted a season high 9 times, which might be the most that any punter has come on the field this season, one of which was this lovely 58-yard effort that sat up nicely for the coverage team to blow up.

He’s punted very well this year has Jordan, and that was no exception.

Michael Dickson vs Mitch Wishnowski- Round 1

Quite possibly the biggest edition of my make-believe Australia Bowl since Ben Graham and Sav Rocca met in the 2008 NFC Championship Game, and by god, if that wasn’t the game of the year, it’s going to go mighty close.

The Niners at 8-0, the Seahawks at 7-2, two utterly fierce division rivals… it was fantastic to watch this morning.

The Niners leading 10-0, followed by the Seahawks turning the game on it’s head with a fumble recovery TD, followed by another turnover leading to a TD to lead 21-10 with a quarter to go.

In the meantime, Michael and Mitch were prominent, and putting on a show for lovers of special teams, the best punt probably being this one from Dickson with a solid 5 seconds of hang time.

Then, the Niners responded with a huge defensive play of their own, strip-sacking Wilson, who somehow got the ball to his offensive lineman, who then had the ball punched out, and DeForest Buckner walked it in for the touchdown, the Niners converted on a 2 point attempt, and the game was back to 21-18, with the momentum changing again.

The Niners kicked the field goal to tie the scores at 21, the Seahawks marched downfield and kicked a field goal to reclaim the lead with 1:45 to go, but after the Seahawks dropped 2 chances at interceptions during the final Niners drive, Chase McLaughlin, who was signed off the street this week to fill in for Robbie Gould, easily made the kick from 47 yards as time expired, no thanks to another good hold from Mitch.

The Seahawks got the ball first in OT, and Wilson led a seemingly unstoppable drive downfield, but then underthrew a pass and was intercepted for only the second time this year, the Niners now seemingly looked on course to win starting at midfield, and as they drove to the 30, appeared to have a first down on a run that was called short, and out came McLaughlin to attempt the game-winner, and despite everything going exactly to plan (Mitch held the ball perfectly), McLaughlin completely wet himself and shanked the kick to the left.

After both teams punted again, the Seahawks got the ball last, flew downfield again thanks to Russell Wilson being Russell Wilson, and Jason Myers nailed the game-winning kick just inside the right upright as time expired.

I imagine somewhere the members of the ’72 Dolphins were popping their champagne corks at the last unbeaten team falling, as they cling to the last vestiges of relevancy.


Some College Updates:

Unfortunately, Max Duffy (Punted 3 times for an average of 46.3 yards) and Kentucky blew a 13-0 lead and lost to their arch-rivals Tennessee 17-13, and some big news, Josh Growden at West Virginia, who was an inaugural player on GWS’ list, was once again named to the Watch List for the Ray Guy Award, as the best punter in College Football!

It didn’t make a lick of difference for the Mountaineers, who got whipped 38-17 by Texas Tech.


On a parting note, if you’re still unaware of who Mitch is, the Niners actually paid attention to him!

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