My decade of avoiding human contact is finally paying off

Given the apocalypse is bearing down us, I suppose I’d better start this week on a positive note – Happy Birthday from Tuesday to one Gary Harley!

Capping off a great day for the Mayor of Maitland, a heap of short priced favourites won at Wyong.

Back on topic, it’s All Star Mile Day at Caulfield (Featuring some genuine spuds), and the Coolmore Classic kicks off the Golden Slipper Carnival at Rosehill, although the Melbourne Racing Club & Racing Victoria won’t allow the public to the ASM meeting – No owners, no pro punters, no bookies, no drug kingpins posing as colourful characters.

Smart decision, following on the government’s announcement – One infected patron, and the joint gets renamed Coughfield.

On the bright side, degenerates like me who frequent TABs are still good to go.

Seeing pretty much every sporting event get called off leads me to believe that COVID-19 will achieve what only Equine Influenza has achieved this century – Force a shut down of the racing industry.

Doing what the ABC can’t.

Anyway, in between all this news about the Black Death and the Spanish Flu, the biggest piece of racing news this week was 27 rather high profile US racing figures getting nabbed for doping horses, most notably Jason Servis, trainer of Maximum Security.

Wow, Seppo trainers dope their horses – What are you going to tell me next, bears do their business in the woods?

Apparently yes, and on that note, it’s time to get to the tips, and I tell you what, I’ve got a good shot at 0/4 this week!

Rainbow Thief (No.6, Barrier 7) in Race 1 at Caulfield, 1:05pm AEDT

1600m BM80 Handicap

Trainer: Michael Moroney, Hoop: Dwayne Dunn Somethin’, 58kg

After last month’s crapshoot on Blue Diamond Day, in which the rail being out 3m led to a massive inside bias, the Caulfield rail will be out 6m (Aka the true position), which on paper means racing should be better.

Rainbow Thief has apparently stolen a rainbow at some point in time, but he certainly didn’t steal the money of us mug punters at Sandown last month (26th), winning a 1500m BM70 by a lazy 3 lengths with a leg in the air.

That moved the Kiwi bred gelding’s record to 3 wins from 7 starts, and despite a rise in grade, although one would think he’s struck a winnable race again.

The Thief also goes around in the famed silks of the equine Aristotle in Chautaqua, which more correctly are the colours of Rupert Legh, and this race is funny, because Legh also co-owns the second favourite Skiddaw, although he’s trained by Danny O’Brien.

The other funny facet to it is that Skiddaw ran 2nd to Rainbow Thief in that Sandown race, although I suppose Skiddaw had the excuse of being 1st Up.

Won’t it be a sight if they run the quinella again, and Rupert has to discard one of them like a used cigarette amongst the celebrations.

Secret Blaze (No.4, Barrier 5) in Race 5 at Caulfield, 3:25pm AEDT

2000m Listed Mornington Cup Prelude

Trainer(s): Tony & Calvin McEvoy, Hoop: Mark Zahra, 57kg

It’s only a week until the Mornington Cup (Not I’ll be betting on anything at that craphole), and given both tracks are owned by the MRC, it’s time for the Prelude, which is usually run on Blue Diamond Day, but the All Star Mile apparently made things more convenient.

Secret Blaze returned from a 2 month holiday and did it tough (The classic 3-wide no cover) in the G2 Blamey Stakes a fortnight back at Flemington, but he ran a good 2nd to a certain Fifty Stars, and managed to beat home Admiral’s Joker, who currently sits in red figures to win the Listed Anniversary Vase in Race 8.

After Fifty Stars shot home to the Australian Cup last week, it’s fair to say that Blamey is a form reference currently holding more weight than Phar Lap in a handicap.

Secret Blaze did rack up a 2000m win (2040 to be exact) at the end of last Spring at Death Valley, so the distance is no worry, but still, it’d be wrong of me to discount any of these runners – Vauclcuse Bay for instance is low altitude flying, and yet he’s come up $7.50, and the rank outsider is $21 Midterm.

This could be fun, but it’s Caulfield, so I hesitate writing that.

Master of Wine (No.10, Barrier 7) in Race 8 at Rosehill, 5:05pm AEDT

2000m Group 3 Sky High Stakes

Trainer: Team Hawkes, Hoop: Tommy Berry, 55kg

If you don’t think I’m a fan of Master Of Wine, I’d like to point out that I bought a shirt honouring him a year before he was even foaled.

Considering Latin is now a dead language, I’ll tell you that it asays:

IN WINE WE TRUST.

More accurately for this blog, In Master Of Wine We Trust.

Anyway, it looks like a good edition of the Sky High – The obvious danger to the sleazy wineo is Parramatta Cup winner Mustajeer, who I remember randomly picking for last year’s Melbourne Cup.

He only ran 23rd.

Token Ascot Tip

Talladega (No.3, Barrier 1) in the JC Roberts Stakes, 4:45pm AWST

1800m Listed 3YO C&G

Trainer: Darren McAulliffe, Hoop: Chris Parnham, 55kg

Talladega?

Don’t you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby!

A famed racetrack track known for horsepower and going around in circles has previously ended up in a film title, and now it’s ended up in a sport also known for its horse power and going around in something resembling circles.

Talladega has a very swift rise through the ranks – He only debuted on the 9th of February in a Narrogin maiden (Which he won easily with Pike on his back), before going to Ascot twice in 10 days, the most recent of which was last Saturday, where he led all the way in a 4 horse field, despite casting his near fore plate.

Very few people (And creatures) have gone on to achieve success after starting out life in Narrogin – Brad Hogg being a notable exception.

It’d be a wicked training effort from D.Mac to pull off a 400m rise in distance off a quick backup, AND making the big jump into Listed grade, but he drops 4 kilos to run at 55kg, which looks like a featherweight compared to his previous lowest weight of 58 (In that Narro maiden).

I can see Parnzy getting straight to the front from Barrier 1, and after that, it’s game on.

Crazy Craig’s Tip Of The Day

Regal Power (No.4, Barrier 3) EACH WAY in the All Star Mile, 4:45pm AEDT

1600m WFA Special Condition

Trainer(s): Grant & Alana Williams, Jockey: William Pike, 59kg

How it’s hanging fellow future casualties, it’s Crazy Craig, The Boy From Bairnsdale, and I tell you what, I’m bloody well loving this Coronavirus quarantine business!

I don’t have to hang out with Crazy Colin anymore, which means my beer isn’t getting STOLEN anytime soon!

Anyway knackers, I haven’t contracted Coronavirus yet, but I think I’ve got some kind of disease, because I’m now doing things I’ve never done before!

I’m not laying a horse this week – I’m backing one EACH WAY!

These are strange times knackers, and I’m acting ACCORDINGLY!

I saw that Sandgroper Regal Power last week in the Australian Cup, and let me tell you, I was IMPRESSED with what I saw despite getting the short end of the rod, so much so that I think he can really take it up to some A-Grade ALL STAR MILE talent like Melody Belle, Alligator Blood, and Star Missile!

I sent a direct line to my Perth contact Mr Alfonse this morning telling him of my pick, and not only was he stunned, he is ALL ABOARD!

Get me up for the next Mardi Gras, because like millions of punters, I LOVE WILLY!

At 9 bucks and 3 bucks the place, I’m getting my $750 Coronavirus stimulus and slapping it STRAIGHT ON the Perth horse, because I’M CRAZY.

Regal Power – My TIP. OF. THE. DAY.

I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaazy Craig!

You want to hear another giant joke?

A race named after Phar Lap is only a Group 2 at Rosehill in the frikkin’ Autumn.

Deadset, the Seppo gangsters that killed him treated him better.