Horse Racing

The Chalk Eaters Guide: 18th April

Coming Soon: T-Shirts saying ‘Allan Endresz Threatened To Sue Me’

Right up there alongside Dulcify’s Cox Plate for sheer power

Well, what a week for farewelling crowd favourites – Might And Power was promoted to glory at age 26, Tom Marquand confirmed he’s heading back to the UK, 2-time Everest winner Redzel is now enjoying a well-earned retirement, and Pat Webster decided the time was right to retire his beloved godly gelding Happy Clapper.

In addition, we also said our goodbyes to Alligator Blood’s Magic Millions win from January, and the one-time people’s champ is set to become the most hated horse in Australia, all thanks to his managing owner Allan Endresz, who previously claimed the gelding was nobbled (Obviously by the same assailant who drugged Big Philou), followed by legal threats, followed by threatening to scratch him from the All-Star Mile because his terminally-ill wife couldn’t get into Caulfield due to the spectator lockouts – A compromise was reached.

Based on Gator’s performance, David ‘Dick’ Vandyke was better off scratching him.

After the news of the Altrenogest positive B-sample, Allan has spent the last 3 days on Twitter replying to hundreds of tweets about AB that he wasn’t even tagged in, with more threats of legal action against users amidst a sea of dribble-filled tweets, followed by an appearance on Racing.com, declaring he was going down the time-honoured path of the legal loophole, because when you’ve spent 20+ years in court, why not.

Makes sense that a bloke who wiggled his way out of bankruptcies through loopholes is now trying to get his horse out of a potential disqualification on a technicality.

In conclusion, Allan has made John McEnroe look like a mild-mannered choirboy.

Now, other than the usual Bold And The Beautiful storylines, it’s the last day of the Sydney Autumn Carnival, featuring the Group 1 Champagne Stakes and the All-Aged Stakes, the G3 Irwin Stakes is on at Morphetville (Sunlight vs Gytrash if you don’t mind umpire), the Sires’ Produce at Ascot, and at Caulfield, renowned AFL journalist Damian Barrett finally gets his wish – A Showdown in Melbourne!

The first Showdown of 2020 doesn’t involve Adelaide or Port Adelaide – This really is the strangest year on record.


Rubisaki (No.2, Barrier 2) in the J.H.B Carr Stakes at Randwick, 1:10pm AEST

1400m Group 3 3YO Fillies (SW&P)

Trainer: Patrick Payne, Hoop: Nash Rawiller, 57kg

I believe Rubisaki is the tip that writes itself, so that said, let’s have a quick check of the Payne Power Rankings:

  1. Patrick
  2. Stevie
  3. Michelle
  4. Marise
  5. Therese

Michelle moved up a spot thanks to buying a yearling with a Russian-based Iranian footballer (100% true story), although she was denied 2nd place due to Persian Google claiming it was actually Michelle Pine training the horse.

But, no change at the top, so let’s go for Round 6 on Rubisaki.


Shared Ambition (No.5, Barrier 15) in the Japan Racing Association Plate, 3pm AEST

2000m Quality Group 3

Trainer: Chris Waller, Hoop: James McDonald, 57kg

I’d have thought Danon Premium would want a piss easy kill in a race sponsored by his home racing body, but it seemed running 3rd in the Queen Elizabeth was more appealing.

It’s been strange preparation for Shared Ambition – He won really well over the 2000m in the Randwick City Stakes in a promising show of staying prowess, then for an unknown reason, Waller dropped him back to the unfavourable 1600m and 4 rungs up in grade in the Doncaster Mile.

With placement like that, I’m half-shocked Shared Ambition isn’t running in the All-Aged.

As expected, the Doncaster run resembled Lachie Hunter driving through South Yarra after 4 bottles of wine – He hit the rail on the bend, tasted equine arse in the straight, and finished 14th.

But, it looks like a different story this weekend – Back in grade, back to the 2000m (Where he’s 2/2), but the biggest knock appears to be that he’s drawn the metaphorical carpark of gate 15.

So, time to ask the question – Am I deranged enough to pick a favourite jumping from the equivalent of Alison Road at seemingly rock-bottom odds?

YOU BET YOUR ARSE.


Wings of Pastrami (No.5, Barrier 10) in the Schweppervesence Stakes at Morphetville, 4:21pm ACST (4:51)

1800m 3YO Fillies (SW+P) Group 3

Trainer: Jeff Searle, Hoop: Sairyn ‘The Fawkelift’ Fawke, 55kg

“Schweppervescence Stakes! What a shuper shponshors’ name!”

Hopefully nobody actually tells Kenny Callender the name of the race – The Seppos will think God inflicted his wrath on Sydney for hosting the Mardi Gras.

Anyway, this Listed Group 3 fillies race is a deadset chook raffle – Snapdancer is favourite at 5/1, and there’s currently 6 runners inside single figures, one of whom is Wings Of Pastrami (By Persian Palace, despite Pastrami being Romanian), a decent filly who has made of a habit of appearing in close finishes in 2020 – In addition, she’s made a habit losing them.

First, she ventured east of Horsham to Moonee Valley at the end of the Valley Night season, and sprouted wings (Of Pastrami) to run 2nd to Overkill, then a fortnight ago at Morphertville in the Listed Laelia Stakes, she was narrowly denied by Stubby Holder aboard Meuse.

She’s currently on the 2nd line at $6.50/$2.40, which could make her the longest-priced horse I’ve ever thrown in the Chalk Eaters, which should tell you how serious I am at backing short-priced favourites.

However, I see no reason why she can’t pinch at least a placing with the Fawke Lift doing the steering, but if things work out even better, I have a plea to Jeff and the owners.

If she wins, can you change her name to Winx Of Pastrami?


Token Ascot Tip


Ocean’s Fifteen (No.6, Barrier 9) in Race 10 at Ascot, 5pm AEST

1400m Crown Perth Handicap

Trainer: Chris Gangemi Hoop: Jarrad Noske, 58.5kg

Over to Perth to end the day, and due to Bob Peters saving up his good’uns, I can’t offer you a Pike In The Last this weekend, so I assume this where you all scurry off in disappointment.

However, I do advise you hang around for Race 8 at 5:45 Eastern, to enjoy what could be the most spectacularly crap staying race on the Australian calendar, just edging out The Metropolitan.

The 2-mile Western Australia Cup, apparently supposed to supplement the downgrading of the Perth Cup to 2400m some 12 years ago.

3/4 of the field will be off the bit and flat to the boards 1000m from home – It is going to be an absolute laughfest.

Anyway, the last on the day sees Ocean’s Fifteen (Apparently we’ve skipped Ocean’s Fourteen) attempting another Gangemi-led heist, with the aim of winning his 3rd race in his 6th start, having never finished outside of the placings.

The first two heists were foiled at the last minute – He narrowly ran 2nd in a Graduation Handicap on the 14th of March, then a fortnight later, experienced déjà vu by running 2nd to Cryptic Love.

Despite going to the 1400m for the first time, and getting an awkward wide draw, this still looks very winnable, however there’s serious competition in the form of a red-hot Indian Chant venturing from Kalgoorlie, so if the Indian wins, expect a bit of this throughout Australia on Saturday night.

Yes, I really have given up.


Crazy Craig’s Tip Of The Day

A Kiwi tune for a Kiwi horse

LAYING Quick Thinker (No.1, Barrier 10) in the Frank Packer Plate at Randwick, 1:45pm AEST

2000m 3YO SW Group 3

Trainer: Murray Baker & Andrew Forsman, Jockey: Opie Bosson, 56.5kg

G’day quaratiner-erers, it’s Crazy Craig, The Boy From Bairnsdale, and after 2 weeks of getting my pants pulled down, I’m BACK LIKE JOHNNY FARNHAM for another round of racing.

Actually, I’m putting on a facade – It’s been a sad week this week in Bairnsdale.

First, Crazy Colin snuck out and stole a 6-pack of VB from my back fridge, and then I found out that the LEGEND Might And Power had passed away as I rose from my cave on Sunday morning.

I remember hearing the story of big fat Kerry Packer sending several bookmakers to the banks thanks to the ’97 Melbourne Cup… Let’s just say myself and Crazy Colin didn’t go thirsty that Tuesday thanks to Mighty’s performance!

Anyway, speaking of Packers, I’m casting two eyes on the Frank Packer Plate, because I’ve seen a Derby winner who in my opinion, has OVERSTAYED his welcome in Australia.

I must state for the record that Quick Thinker was outstanding in the Derby and is a clear-cut favourite, but….

WHY ON EARTH IS HE RUNNING AGAIN A FORTNIGHT AFTER HIS SUCCESSFUL GRAND FINAL, AND DROPPING 400M IN THE PROCESS!

Old Muz thought himself to be the greatest thinker since Aristotle, but now there’s every chance he’s actually Bill Brownless!

I think Quick Thinker is way under the odds here, so I’m prepared to risk going cold for the third week running, and saying to our Sheep Rooting cousins east of the Tasman, BRING IT ON.

Quick Thinker – MY LAY. OF. THE DAY.

I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me CRAAAAAZY CRAIG!

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