Horse Racing

The Chalk Eaters Guide Review: 9th May

Benchmark 64 at Pakenham form -> Anything in South Australia

A big weekend for the Moodys – Peter returns to the training ranks, and Brett Moody gave us another ripper in Race 5 at Dalby:

“Working harder than a mozzie in a manikin factory”

While that was rolled gold, my day of investing resembled rolled faeces:

3rd, 2nd, 2nd, 4th, Masked Crusader walks in, 3rd.

It reads like Greg Norman’s major results.

To say things didn’t quite work out would be a mild summary.


Almadrava in Race 4 at Morphetville – 4th

In the black in the middle

Thumped by a 46-rater at a metro Saturday meeting.

As stated by someone in a group chat, “Almadogshit.”

Bit harsh, but at face value, if Almadriver were an icy pole flavour, she’d be frozen water.


It’s Kind Of Magic in Race 5 at Caulfield – What the **** was that

Now that’s a contender for the worst performance in Chalk Eaters history.

It wasn’t that my hopes were dashed at the turn, they were dashed BEFORE THE HALFWAY MARK.

That’s impressive.

Did not handle the Heavy track for one bloody second, which makes me question why Stanley didn’t scratch her.

There’s only one movie line I could quote to describe that performance:



Greyworm in the Takeover Target at Randwick – 2nd

Sadly for Tommy Berry and the Hawkes family, not every horse can be Masked Crusader.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, just look at this replay.

Could’ve won by 10L if Berry had lifted his finger.

Back on topic, and the Takeover Target was an extremely weird race – He sat 3rd behind the two leaders going at 88mph, he hung out THE ENTIRE BLOODY STRAIGHT, he had Redouble putting a blowtorch on his outside…

And he and still only got beaten a half length conceding the winner 5.5 kilos.

A very decent performance by any measure, but Snitz had enough of a gap and a decent kick to hold on.


Mystery Miss in Race 8 at Ascot – 5th

PROBABLY could have just gone with Utgard Loki and scored a winner, but stuff that, why get a winner when I can fire in a slightly humourous meme.

Might want to lift one home soon Pikey, the disciples are preparing a shrine for Kyra Yuill.


Crazy Craig’s Tip Of The Day


LAYING Russian Camelot in the SA Derby at Morphetville – NOPE

Craig, I’m going to have to go ahead and say Russian Camelot slapped your noggin sideways.

A piece of history as well – He’s the first Northern Hemisphere bred 3-year-old in the history of Australian racing to win a derby.

Being 6 months younger meant bugger all, and more importantly, he defeated Crazy Craig quite emphatically.

I thought it was funny post-race whenJohn Allen mentioned that Danny O’Brien instructed him to ride RC like he was the best horse in the race.

Apparently the key was sit 3-wide with no cover at the rear, which, given how much he crapped on that lot, makes me think of a Bill Hayden quip about a drover’s dog.

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