I know Anthony van Dyck came to Australia for the Cups, but which horse is he riding?

That’s right friends, enemies and people I’ve never met and don’t give a crap about, it’s the first Tuesday of November, and of course, time for the 160th Melbourne Cup, the race that apparently once stopped the nation, only because it was 1930, Phar Lap was bigger than Bradman, and everyone was unemployed because of the Great Depression.

With the lack of a Flemington crowd this year to give the roar at 3 o’clock, the race start will feel like a Thursday meeting at Echuca.

Speaking of Big Red, it’s been 90 years since he thrilled the nation via a news film reel on the first Tuesday in November.

He won 2 days later on Oaks Day…. then he won again on Stakes Day.

Now it’s a scientific fact that 90% of people usually only give a crap about the Cup on Tuesday, and you instantly realise that these people are classic nuffies, because there’s about 4000 races nationwide on Cup Day to strike pay dirt in, and that’s where my focus lies.

Now if you came here looking for the Cup winner, you’ve taken a wrong turn – By my own count, I’ve backed one Cup winner since Makybe Diva retired, and that’s a streak I aim to uphold.

So this year I’m going to the time-honoured place bet, and with absolutely perfect conditions forecast for Melbourne, I’m placing the curse on Tiger Moth.

Yeah yeah, here goes the Chalk Eater picking the bloody favourite.

As we all know, Tigers have had a pretty good run in Australian sport, and I think the omens here are looking good for the Irish Derby runner-up to run a place, even with him starting from Barrier 23, aka Ascot Vale.

Anyway, time to traverse the some 4000 Cup Day meetings to pry out a few short priced winners, who will inevitably somehow lose.

Joviality (No.2, Barrier 12) in the Desirable Stakes (MR2) at Flemington, 11:20am

1400m Listed 3YO Fillies Set Weights & Penalties

Trainer: Chris Waller, Hoop: James McDonald, 56kg

Buggered if I know if I’ll even be awake to watch the opening races at Headquarters, but that’s never stopped me from having a go on it.

Sydney horse Joviality had a forget run in the Flight Stakes, then she drew wide in the Reginald Allen up at Randwick on Everest Day, inevitably got caught 3-wide, but still managed to fight on in the straight, and even made up ground on the eventual winner Forbidden Love.

Obviously you get the decent rivals here like fellow Sydneysider Sweet Reply for the Freedman brothers, and Twain’s Express, probably named after Mark Twain, and there’s the small fact that Joviality does draw wide AGAIN, but if she gets a hint of cover and clean running, I’d be feeling damn confident the filly will go close to a win.

Actually, why did I even pick her?

Ah yes, The Cheetah said his mate had been on the phone to Chris, and Chris said it could win.

Ain’tnodeeldun (No.2, Barrier 10) in The TAB Trophy at Flemington (MR5), 1:20pm AEDT

1800m Listed 3YO SW+P

Trainer: Anthony & Sam Freedman, Hoop: Damian Lane, 58kg

Back on Caulfield Guineas Day, the Freedmans ventured over to Adelaide to score the easiest black type win in history with Ain’tnodeeldun in the Hill Smith Stakes, and Dom Tourneur didn’t let anyone down with a lovely well-timed run, giving the colt the odd record of going straight from a Sale maiden to a Listed win.

I had thought Anthony Freedman would give the son of Dundeel a run in the VRC Derby, but instead they’ve got two eyes on the Sydney Autumn, taking on whatever Murray Baker sends over from New Zealand.

Lane hops back aboard, having won that Sale maiden, and that biggest key piece of information from the colt’s win in the Hill Smith was that Victoria Quay hit the line well for 2nd.

In case you’ve been asleep at the wheel for the last 3 weeks, Victoria Quay strolled into Flemington on Saturday, and won the Group 2 Wakeful Stakes.

Stuff any Sydney form line Acrophobic has, THAT is a form reference.

Tiger Moth to PLACE in The Melbourne Cup

I feel a song coming on!

Say, it’s been a while since a Tiger finished 9th….

Gone Bye (No.2, Barrier 7) in Race 6 at Randwick, 4:20pm AEDT

1600m BM72 Handicap

Trainer: Mark Newnham, Hoop: Tom Sherry (a3), drops to 57.5kg

After the events of Saturday in Sydney, the young Irishman from Ireland Tom Sherry can officially ride.

He rode 2 winners, and ALMOST won the Golden Eagle AS A 3-KILO APPRENTICE… alas, he was about 10 metres short of mowing down Colette aboard Icebath.

If you’re keeping count, that’s now 3 times I’ve posted that photo, because GUESS WHO TIPPED COLETTE.

Mark Newnham seems to love his Irish apprentices, because he helped Robbie Dolan win the Sydney Apprentices title a couple of years ago.

Obviously because of the heavy rains, which notably drowned the Wallabies on Saturday night, Randwick will be back playing like a Heavy 9 quagmire, and the first race after the tea break for the Cup is a Benchmark 72 over the mile.

Atlantic King has the most ability, but he’s drawn wide, and to be honest, I dunno why I picked Gone Bye, because he’s worked home well in both his recent runs on the Randwick Kenso – He was only beaten 1.7L 1st Up but never looked a winning chance, then got beaten 1.6L 2nd Up on the Kensington working home for 3rd behind Olympic Legend and Rock Amore.

The big key is that with Sherry’s claim, Gone Bye drops from 60.5 to 57.5, whereas Rock Amore goes from 57.5 to 58 – Do the math, that’s a 3-kilo swing Gone Bye’s way.

Obviously Heavy track form played a key role on Saturday, and if it’s still relevant by 4pm on a Tuesday, Gone Bye has had 1 start on a Heavy track for a win.

Hahahahahaha who am I kidding, this is going to down like a lead balloon.

Piss Poor Perth Punting

Ah Perth, the last stop for the desperate Cup Day punters who have done their arse.

Usually it’s around this time in the day that the good folk of Australia get on their knees and start praying to Pikey to provide them a coveted winner, but of course, Pikey’s riding in the Melbourne Cup this year, and officially won’t be back in Perth until the Railway Stakes.

Apparently this year it’s Back Parnham, something something…. see, it just hasn’t the same ring as Back Pike, Drink What You Like.

Brave Dream (No.2, Barrier 5) in Race 7 at Ascot, 3:35pm AWST (6:53 EDT)

1400m Class 1 50+ Rating Handicap

Trainer: Adam Durrant, Hoop: Chris Parnham, 58kg

Here to kick off this part, the one and only, THE KING.

Another stock standard horse in the cerise and white of Mr R.J Peters to suck us in, Brave Dream is hard fit and up to 1400m on the back of a maiden win at Ascot on October 14, and if you saw that performance, you’d understand how she got backed in to $2.20 here.

She was bailed up on the fence 3 pairs back on the corner, didn’t get clear running until the 250m mark, still a good 3L off the leaders and after that, she just exploded and beat off Silent Act so well that Clint Johnston-Porter put the whip away at the 75m and rode her out hands and heels.

Peters.

Durrant.

C.Parnham.

WE’RE GOING OUT WITH A BANG.

On that note, here’s the antics of Crazy Craig.

Crazy Craig’s Lucky Lips Tip Of The Day

Cordilla (No.15, Barrier 9) in Race 9 at Flemington, 4:40pm AEDT

1400m Group 3 Mares Hong Kong Jockey Club Stakes

Trainer: Danny O’Brien, Jockey: Damien Oliver, 55kg

Hello folks, it’s Crazy Craig, the Boy From Bairnsdale, and in the true spirit of CUP WEEK, I was feeling generous, so I went around Bairnsdale dropping $50 notes on the footpath.

A bloke pulled over in his car and told me:

“Hey mate, you dropped your money!”

I said:

“I know, I dropped it so someone else would pick it up!”

Fair to say, he probably thought I was craaaaaaaaaaaaazy!

Anyway knackers, this year I’m joining these vegetable eating heathens and I’m saying NUP TO THE CUP….

Because I’m betting on the support races, which as per usual, are STINKIER than the toilets in the Bairnsdale Bowling Club!

Anyway knackers, I’ve licked the Lucky Lips, taken a look at the Group 3 for the mares late in the afternoon, and settled on this Cordilla, trained by DANNY, and ridden by DAMIEN.

Her first 2 runs this prep, she had worse luck than Crazy Colin, NEVER SEEING DAYLIGHT until the race was over as a GOOD THING BEATEN, especially that midweek at Flemington in September, then at Cranbourne on their Cup Day, lumping the 61 kilos, the even luck returned, and even after laying in, promptly pasted the field!

This is a riiiiiise in Class, but she drops 6 kilos on her last start, which apparently means she’s still horribly weighted under set weights, but seriously knackers, who’s she up against – Lyre Lyre, Pants On Fire?

Spare me knackers, I reckon I’ve got more hope of reintegrating into society than Lyre winning a race, so JUST GIVE UP ALREADY!

Cordilla – HAVE MY LUCKY LIPS.

Enjoy your Tuesday folks, and remember…

I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaaaazy Craig!