My fellow constituents, as you probably aren’t aware, we are just 10 days out from the end of this year of many firsts, and with nothing decent to talk about on December 21 besides How To Make Gravy, I figured I’d put together an informative post about the multi-cultural viewership I’ve attracted to the Sporting Reviews in 2020, and despite my Green and Gold tinted view on the world of sport, in the spirit of 2020, it seems I’ve been able to super spread my thoughts to all 9 corners of Planet Earth, and had viewers from countries that 95% of Americans thought were invented by George Lucas in the mid-1970s for a space opera he was writing.
For all I know, it’s just the same 5 people changing their IP addresses over and over for a laugh, so without further ado, here’s a look at the United Nations of JT’s Sporting Reviews, as of December 21:
Ah yes, the tales of woe in the Chalk Eaters are a smash hit among 2 people in Botswana… just as much as they love The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency.
Obviously Australia is the clear No.1 for the views, the Americans seem to enjoy everything I crap on about, especially that strange sport called ‘Aussie Rules’, I have no idea how many of those Indian viewer numbers are bots, the Bangladeshis are enthralled by my constant mentions of Jason Gillespie’s 201 not out, the Kiwis worship Chris Waller, but it’s some of the countries with 20 or fewer viewers that are the highlights.
Austria = Europe’s Australia
Bosnia and Herzegovina = They love their Tuesday Tithbits in Sarajevo
Brazil = I have mentioned Ayrton Senna no fewer than 15 times… make that 16
Denmark = Crown Princess Mary got bored on a Monday afternoon during lockdown
Fiji = They need their fix of Maika Sivo trucking James Tedesco
Finland = Probably took exception to me describing Valtteri Bottas as the four-wheeled Alex Criville
Greece = That was probably just Melbourne viewers
Italy = Based on Lygon Street, they’re all Carlton fans
Iraq = Geez, haven’t they suffered enough?
The Ivory Coast = They love their Sporting Coincidences in Didier Drogba’s homeland
Jordan = Probably happened when I mentioned the old Jordan F1 team in a Motorsport Monday report
Lebanon = Big fans of Josh ‘The Sauce’ Mansour
Laos = “We’re Laotian.” “Laotian? What ocean?”
Macedonia = Word of Josh ‘Son Of Peter’ Daicos kicking Goal Of The Year spread fast
Malaysia = With how much they love motorcycles, I think they were looking for “Jack Miller Stoppies”
Nicaragua = There’s a lot of West Coast Eagles fans there from the mid-2000s
Malta = Contrary to popular belief, the people of Malta are not Maltesers
Monaco = Doesn’t Wayne Gardner still live there?
Mongolia = They’re trying to get William Pike to ride in the 2021 Mongolian Derby
Nepal = The Sherpas needed something to back during the Spring Carnival
New Caledonia = Doesn’t that technically count as French viewership
Romania = Wondering when Pavel Florin is going to get a run in the Big Bash
Spain = You know what they call Pikey in Valencia? El Mago.
South Africa = Mostly came in August, and most came looking for Brad Binder, the two-wheeled Jody Scheckter
Sweden = I probably mentioned Muriel’s Wedding
Mexico = Sergio Perez
Uganda = Yeah, that’s real, so what Uganda do about it?
Zambia = Zambia
I get a great thrill seeing all kinds of unique countries with a common interest in not understanding a thing I say… Thank you all!