My fellow constituents, as you may remember around this time of 2020 I published an interesting list of all the countries that have viewed my posts over the course of the year, which was my attempt at an informative post about the multi-cultural viewership I’ve attracted to the Sporting Reviews in the name of sporting diplomacy, despite maintaining a Green and Gold tinted view of the world, and one can see on the map above that I’ve covered more of the Earth than the British Empire in 1919, with several million fewer casualties.
Of course, this year my viewership has increased by a solid 26% on the 2020 total (25,240), thanks in part to yet another year of people being locked down in their rabbit hutches for homes for long periods of time, and I thank you all for using my poorly constructed posts as a way to further increase your boredom.
For all I know, those 31,000+ views are just the same 5 people changing their IP addresses over and over for a laugh, so without further ado, here’s a look at the 2021 United Nations of JT’s Sporting Reviews, as of December 20:
Some early thoughts on that vast array of countries:
United States = The ‘United Statesians’ from the USA enjoy everything I crap on about, especially when I made a rare foray into NBA posting last month when that shitfaced Sacramento Kings fan had a massive chunder courtside and stopped the game.
American Samoa = Did you know this year was 20 years since Australia defeated American Samoa 31-0 in a FIFA World Cup qualifier… Archie Thompson scored a record 13 goals and got dropped for the next game.
Canada = As Kevin Bloody Wilson taught us, you can’t say ‘Can’t’ in Canada, because saying Can’t isn’t very nice at all.
India = Tim Paine couldn’t wait to get the Indians at the Gabba, and apparently Rishabh Pant couldn’t wait to get Australia’s bowling attack in the 4th Innings.
Netherlands = History tells us the Dutch discovered the Australian mainland before the British did… Just think, we could’ve been getting hideously drunk and celebrating Max Verstappen’s World Championship right now
New Zealand = The Kiwis still worship Chris Waller and James McDonald, while they were obviously incensed when I mentioned that it was 40 years since the Underarm ball… Also, today is 20 years since Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring was released.
Japan = I could mention something about the Tokyo Olympics, but instead I’ll note that Australian Tom Phillis was the first man to win a Grand Prix motorcycle world championship on a Japanese machine, when he won the 1961 125cc title for Honda… For context, Japanese machines have won a total of 144 championships.
Greece = According to my good mate Merv Roberts, the reason that the Chinese seem to have such short family names is because the Greeks took all the letters.
Isle of Man = Speaking of Tom Phillis, that’s exactly where he died during the 1962 Isle of Man TT.
Portugal = My sister was in Lisbon when the Portuguese won Euro 2016…. The Eder shirt she brought back for me went straight to the pool room.
Germany = To all my viewers in Deutschland, I say Ich bin ein Ausländer.
Myanmar = Did you know my mate The Critic from the Waterford TAB was born in Burma?
Malaysia = If you did a Google study on searches for ‘Jack Miller Stoppies’, a majority of them would come from Malaysia
Switzerland = Apparently they’ve got no strong feelings one way or the other about JT’s Sporting Reviews.
Ghana = Back when it was a British colony, Ghana had the same name as an Australian city that is currently full of old retirees and failed sporting teams.
Austria = It’s just Australia with more people in lederhosen.
Uganda = Contrary to popular Hollywood belief, Forest Whittaker is not the leader of Uganda.
Tanzania = They love their numerology and coincidences in Dodoma.
Pakistan = I bet our mates from Rawalpindi can’t wait for Australia to come back for the upcoming tour in 2022.
United Kingdom = The Poms, Sheep Shaggers and Trainspotters are all big fans of Crazy Craig and Crazy Colin, and don’t you worry about that.
Ireland = Home country of Mick, who captained Verse 1 to 3rd place in the most recent Manning Jack Attack tournament.
Mexico = I was informed that Mexico was briefly renamed to Max-ico after Max Verstappen won the Mexico City Formula 1 Grand Prix, and Sergio Perez finished 3rd.
Czech Republic & Slovakia = If Czechoslovakia still existed, I’d have 16 views from them.
Slovenia = It’s not Slovakia
Ecuador = Stuff the round ball game, I reckon the Ecuadorians love their Aussie Rules and Rugbaleeg, because they didn’t start viewing me until May, and suddenly plummeted off my viewership list in November.
Hong Kong = Siobhan Haughey won two Silver medals in Freestyle at the Tokyo Olympics, finishing just behind two Australians; Emma McKeon in the 100m freestyle, and Ariarne Titmus in the 200m freestyle.
Brazil = Did you know this year was 30 years since Ayrton Senna won his third and final Formula One World Championship for McLaren… It was also this year that Ayrton’s father Milton died at the age of 94.
Cocos Islands = You may not know that despite being 600km closer to Perth than Darwin, the Cocos Islands are represented in the House of Representatives by the Division of Lingiari in the Northern Territory
Italy = It’s either angry Carlton fans posting from Lygon Street, Ducati fans lining up to read about Jack Miller, or they’re just here to lament with me about Daniel Ricciardo’s wild season
European Union = Let it be known that according to my list, Europe IS a country.
The Cayman Islands = A few blokes who wanted to make a bit more tax-free money
I still get a great thrill seeing all kinds of unique countries with a common interest in not understanding a thing I say… Thank you all!