Tuesday Tithbits: 21st December

Six words

It’s the 25th anniversary of Gravy Day!

Hang on a minute, that’s seven words if you count the number.

Now, what’s happening with my universe just a few days out from December 25:

In an effort to make you all think this is a Doctor Who Christmas Special, here’s Slade performing Merry Xmas Everybody

And if you don’t get that joke:

“Merry Xmas Everybody can be heard playing in the background during six episodes of the British television programme Doctor Who: “The Christmas Invasion” (2005) in Mickey Smith’s garage, “The Runaway Bride” (2006) at Donna’s first wedding reception, “Turn Left” (2008) inside a pub, “The End of Time” in Donna’s house, “The Power of Three” (2012) in a hospital and “Last Christmas” (2014) to keep a woman distracted from the monsters in the episode.”

This schizophrenic December weather is doing my head in

First of all, on Thursday it bloody well started raining halfway through the afternoon, which was the first hint of rain we’ve had through the month of December over here in the western capital, and on Saturday evening it randomly started raining again while we had our No Hope Christmas get together, so much so a rainbow appeared:

The only ray of hope to ever appear on No Hope Avenue

And now, after checking the Christmas Day forecast on Saturday when it was set to be 35 degrees Celsius (Thanks to my former neighbour Wilson), we’re now looking at the worst December heatwave in our lofty history, with at least 7 straight days over 35 from Thursday onwards, including 3 days over 40 Celsius:

Please note, some of those days have dropped below 40 degrees…. To 39

I tell you, stepping outside on Christmas Day and Boxing Day is going to be akin to that King of the Hill scene when the Hills go to Phoenix in the middle of an American summer:

Well, if Omicron doesn’t finish us off, that bastard of a heatwave will.

A brief guide to how a No Hope Avenue Christmas Day usually plays out

Imagine one playing of Dean Martin’s ‘Little Old Wine Drinker, Me’….

Now imagine it being played at least 44 times in the span of 4 hours:

I know, 4 hours of non-stop Dino, it’s heaven on Earth!

Our IKEA Gingerbread house will now be the subject of a Workplace safety investigation

After looking very good out of the box, when the walls were being iced to the roof, the gingerbread turned out to be nothing but soft and flimsy, so soft they couldn’t possibly support the weight of the roof, which is no different to a high rise building constructed in Sydney.

For context, it should’ve looked like this pristine looking Vintersaga:

But instead, the only thing left to do to it is to stick a gingerbread person template on it, start cutting away, and promptly start eating the damn thing:

Reminds me of this fabulous Simpsons moment with Le Grille…. Why the hell doesn’t mine look like that!

My most recent Thursday afternoon Pennants game of Bowls is not worth mentioning but I’ll mention it anyway for a laugh

On a day that was marred by piss poor weather that appeared out of nowhere, the lowly 5th Division Manning Eagles lost 64-63 overall against Vic Park.

At home.

Despite one of our rinks winning 37-8, which was the biggest win of any Manning team last Thursday.

How did we achieve this?

Well, the team I was with lost 32-14 after mutilating ourselves for the entire afternoon….

And the other team lost 24-12 after losing the last end of the day.

Yep, so despite having a healthy percentage north of 100, we’re down in 8th spot heading into the New Year, and we’ve got to play at least 6 out of the Top 7 teams on the ladder to start 2022, so there’s more chance of me staying sober on Christmas than us ending the season in the Top 4.

So in summation if there’s a 2022/23 market for 6th Division Pennants, all I can say is get on us.

It’s 130 years since a Canadian invented some crummy game called Basketball

The common phrase about football is that the English invented it and the Brazilians perfected it.

Well, when it comes to basketball, a Canadian invented it, and the Americans perfected it.

Joe Root getting ‘hit in the abdomen’, with some seamless retro Bill Lawry and Rod Marsh commentary

As you may have seen, Monday marked 4000 days since England’s last Test victory in Australia (Sydney on January 7 2011), so here’s a few facts

Further to it:

Andrew Strauss was England captain, and he still had a few strands of hair

Novak Djokovic had won just 1 Major title (Australian Open 2008)… He now has an equal record 20.

Richie Benaud and Tony Greig were still alive and commentating

Hosni Mubarak had ruled Egypt for 29 years

The Republic of South Sudan didn’t exist.

The likes of Elizabeth Taylor, Osama bin Laden, Colonel Gaddafi, Steve Jobs, ‘Macho Man’ Randy Savage, Smokin’ Joe Frazier, Kim Jong-il and Amy Winehouse were still alive.

Jimmy Savile was alive, and he was ranked behind Gary Glitter in the list of ‘Worst Sex Offenders in British history.

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge weren’t married

In addition to Season 1 of Game of Thrones, which wasn’t released until April, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II was still 6 months away from being released.

Jos Buttler’s hit wicket dismissal was the first in an Ashes Test since Shane Warne infamously trod on his stumps at Edgbaston in 2005

Coincidentally, Buttler’s cruel ending is also the first instance of a hit wicket in the 4th Innings of a Test Match since Warnie’s dismissal 16 years ago, and both batters were the 9th wicket to fall in the innings.

If you remember the context of Warnie’s epic error, it was when he was leading Australia’s fightback with the bat in that seemingly doomed Test, as they fought from 7-136 to 8-220 chasing 282, only for Warnie, who had belted 42 off 52, to trod back on his stumps while trying to tuck Andrew Flintoff down the leg side.

That was the penultimate wicket before Brett Lee and Michael Kasporowiz got Australia to within 3 runs of victory, only for Kasper to flick one through to Geraint Jones off Freddie’s bowling, as England won by 2 runs in the second-closest outright result in Test cricket history.

Yep, there’s history.

Reading that Joe Root now tops the list of most runs as England captain makes me come to one conclusion

Graham Gooch was a seriously underrated captain who had no support:

We should remember that 456 of Gooch’s 3582 runs as England captain came in one match – The 1990 Lord’s Test against India, when he hit a record 333 in the 1st Innings, and backed it up with 123 in the 2nd Innings, setting a record for the most runs scored in a Test match:

A shame that he and David Gower got on like asbestos with the human body.

Coincidence of the Week: On Monday night, the Top 3 of the Hobart Hurricanes were all dismissed for 13 by the Perth Scorchers

The number 13 at it’s famously unluckiest best:

With Rafael Nadal testing positive for COVID-19 in Abu Dhabi, the only member of the former Big 4 to not announce they’d test positive this deep into the pandemic is….

Roger Federer.

Obviously being in the 40-65 age group, I can only guess Roger got his vaccine and booster shot much earlier than the rest of us.

You’ve gotta love the big brain Greens – Announcing a policy to use horse racing to end horse racing, and misunderestimating how much money they’d actually need to attempt it

Mark Twain once said something that I’ve used to drag many people down to the depths of intellectual hell – Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

And here you realise how the Greens will never hold any form of government in this country

As the great Hank Hill once said:

The last time I saw this many Swans get struck down by disease was the peak of bird flu

That’s the last time the Sydney Swans will go on a boat cruise:

If you ask me, Cooper Legas should’ve just walked off the field and retired after his first career pass resulted in a 62-yard touchdown

In case you missed it, Utah State vs Oregon State on Saturday evening in the LA Bowl:

Coincidentally, in the NFL, Matt Ryan’s first career pass for the Atlanta Falcons was a 62-yard touchdown.

And Finally….

What they won’t tell you about Tiger Woods playing with his son Charlie at the PNC Championship is that they got crunched by the great John Daly and John Daly II

And I mean the GREAT John Daly in every sense of the word, because the pioneer of the Grip It And Rip It looks like he’s reached his final form:

Amazing scenes at the Father/Son Challenge, as John Senior and John II (Playing golf for the University of Arkansas) shot 13 birdies and an eagle on Sunday…..

But Hahahahahaha, on another note, just looking at the great John Daly in that still, he looks like the future Kenny from the recent South Park: Post Covid special

It. Is. Uncanny… Or Should I Say Unkenny.

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