Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

JT’s Gold Coast Dartboard Job: Simply Fly in Race 7

Well folks, after another piss-up at Warrnambool that I didn’t attend, it’s time for another set of Autumn carnival feature races, with the 162nd South Australian Derby, and the highlight of that crapheap could be that Explosive Jack, winner of the Tasmanian Derby and the Australian Derby at Randwick, has the chance to become the first horse since Bart Cummings’ Dayana in 1971-72 to win at least three Derbies in a season.

Fun fact, Bart’s first Group 1 win was Stormy Passage the 1958 SA Derby… He won the race 9 more times after that.

It’s also Hollindale Stakes day on the Gold Coast, featuring The Wizard + a Hollindale field apparently rivalling the Cox Plate, and down in New South Wales, this year’s Saturday Gosford Gold Cup metro meeting will see the first running of THE COAST, but if you ask me, it can’t hold a bloody candle to one of our great race names in Race 2 at the Gold Coast….

THE BAT OUT OF HELL.

I wonder if the winning connections still get a motorcycle as part of the winner’s prize… it’s what Meatloaf would want.

So on that note, enough of my garbage, here’s the mysterious mental magician with his Picks of The Day, set to the dulcet tones of Sir Cliff Richard’s Lucky Lips!

Let’s Karaka Deel (No.4, Barrier 15) in the South Australian Derby at Morphetville (AR7), 3:20pm ACST

2500m Group 1 Set Weights for 3YOs

Trainers: Ciaron Maher & David ‘Useless’ Eustace, Jockey: Ben Allen, 56.5kg

Hello hello hello it’s Crazy Craig, The Boy From Bairnsdale, and I don’t know about you folks, but I had a very enjoyable week after I went for a walk along the Mitchell River, which is now home to two of my old phones, because I threw another one in the drink after I got sick of it, then I marched up to the Telstra store and bought another one!

Who knows, I might even throw this one away soon, but for the time being, I better give it a go, or else Telstra are going to tell me to piss off for good!

Anyway knackers, it’s the midway mark of the Adelaide Carnival, and time for the penultimate Derby (That anyone gives a crap about) of the Australian racing season, the old SAJC Derby, and you’re obviously wondering, will I pick the logical choice Explosive Jack?

NO!

Why?

Duh, because I’m two beers short of a carton!

So on that note, I’ve dipped my hand into the lucky draw and come up with Let’s Karaka Deel, the New Zealander from New Zealand who comes into the Derby with fresh legs, with his last appearance being his 2nd Up runner-up performance in the Port Adelaide Guineas to Royal Mile a month ago, who has since won again, and I’d argue Karaka Deel should’ve been much closer than 2.5L, given he bombed the start and had to go back!

Now you’re probably thinking he’s some limited camel with a heart as big as a pea, just like Personal, and you’re probably right, but I know for a fact that the Dundeel colt can run out the 2500m, given he ran 5th in the VRC Derby in the Spring, and I reckon he’s bound to get a few loose sheckles from people with poor eyesight trying to back Explosive Jack, because they’ve got TWO THINGS IN COMMON:

1. They’re both trained by Maher & Eustace…
2. And they’re being ridden by a jockey named Allen!

THAT’S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!

So there you go, Let’s Karaka Deel should be going straight to the front and bloody well run in the Top 3 you mighty pea-heart, because you’re my each-way PICK OF THE DAY.

April Rain (No.1, Barrier 8) in Race 9 at Gosford (SR9), 4:40pm AEST

1200m Brook Group F&M Benchmark 78 Handicap

Trainer: Chris Waller, Jockey: Tommy Berry, 60kg

Moving on to my Pick Of The Day, and I was going to spirit myself up to the Gold Coast for the Hollindale Stakes so I can see William Pike perform a magic trick, but it appears I’ll have to settle for the next best Coast along the way…

The Central Coast!

Yep, despite it pissing down the Eastern Seaboard in the past week, the Gosford Gold Cup is on, but instead of that, I’m waiting until the lucky last to make my play on Chris Waller’s favourite April Rain, although I’ve got a major issue with her name…….

IT’S BLOODY MAY, NOT APRIL!

THEY DID THE SAME THING WITH SEPTEMBER RUN THIS AUTUMN, AND NOW LOOK AT HER – A NEWT!

No wonder that ram rooter Waller can’t win a bloody Melbourne Cup, he doesn’t even know which month to run his horses in!

Still, I don’t think mistakes with Months, or a highly likely Soft/Heavy track will bring down April Rain, who resumes off a relatively short break after breaking her maiden with a hat-trick of wins through the summer, and it wouldn’t surprise me if the mare holds that form and goes to the Sunshine State to run in a few features up there in the Winter!

BUT, if this were a jumps race, she’d still be waiting to jump the first hurdle, and that’s actually win at Gosford, the city whose major landmark is a pair of sauce bottles in a stadium!

That said, it might be the wide barrier that could stop her, given she’ll have to get back in running, but the bigger issue might just be the 60 kilo topweight, given she’s never carried more than 58kgs in a race, but fair dinkum, just looking at the bog average lot of camels in this field, she might just win on talent alone, and I hope she does, or it’ll be my arse on the chopping block!

So there you go folks, it might be May, but I’m going with April Rain – My PICK OF THE DAY.

Enjoy your Saturday, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me CRAAAZY CRAIG!