Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

Meanwhile, at the National Cabinet:

That was very rude of South Australia… send an infected person out of hotel quarantine over to Victoria, start a fourth wave, then shut the border on the Mexicans.

We can only conclude that the Croweaters are still frothing with vengeance about the theft of the Australian Grand Prix in 1993.

So as we move even closer to the frozen heart of an Australian winter, it’s time for the big Group 1 double at Eagle Farm, with the Kingsford Smith Cup at WFA, and the Queensland Derby, featuring Explosive Jack attempting to set a new record fourth Derby win of the Autumn, looking elsewhere Broome returns, there’s Belmont Sprint at Belmont, which is in Burswood, there’s some boring races at Randwick, and the frustration of Victorians is about to grow, as they have their human rights violated by being subjected to a Saturday Caulfield meeting, where the best bet is not to bet.

For the record, I threw a dart at the board to come up with a pick for the Queensland Derby….. LET’S KARAKA DEEL, shall we?

Now, after the last 2 weeks of utterly barren returns, and 2 straight months of the Pick of the Day running like crap, Crazy Craig better pull his finger out of his backside John Hopoate style and give us at least a placing on the Each-Way bet, or I’ll give him the hypothetical finger and ask Crazy Colin what he’s up to next Friday….

So on that note, enough of my garbage, here’s the mysterious mental magician with his Picks of The Day, set to the sounds of one of Cliff Richard’s not-so religious hits, LUCKY LIPS!

Marway (No.8, Barrier 6) in Race 6 at Randwick (SR6), 2:25pm AEST

1100m Fujitsu General Handicap

Trainer: Mark Newnham, Jockey: Rachel King, 53.5kg

Hello strangers, it’s Crazy Craig, the Boy From Bairnsdale, barely surviving lockdown as I hold off Crazy Colin from my fridge with a garden hoe, and to begin this week with my Pick of The Day, which hasn’t saluted since the Golden Slipper, I bring you FRANK SINATRA singing you my PICK OF THE DAY…

The record shows, I took the blows, and did it…

MAAAAAARWAY!

Yes, Marway is my Most Likely To Win Of The Day on a boring Randwick card, for no other reason besides the fact that he’s your classic dictator of a horse – Get to the front, control the speed, and just bolt when you can, and it’s a tactic that’s worked very well at his last two outings!

Two back on the Randwick Kenso track, he held off Count De Rupee despite lugging 60kg, and Count De Rupee came back and won again two weeks ago at Rosehill, then he went out to Wagga Wagga, the town so nice they named it twice, for the Wagga Town Plate, and he deadset spanked that sorry lot by 4 lengths!

Sure he’s going way up in grade to an open handicap, and he’s going back from 1200m to 1100m, a distance he’s only won once from 6 attempts, but let me remind you, I once plead insanity after the cops found me pissing against a tree in public!

But Crazy Craig, what relevance does that have, you ask?

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AT ALL!

So anyway, he’ll be going up against some solid horses with hearts as big as peas like Adelong, Enchanted Heart, Southern Lad, Wandabaa, but in conclusion, I will state once again I told Crazy Colin one night when we took a detour home from the Bowling Club….

What way are we going?

MARWAY.

Madam Rouge (No.1 Barrier 2) E/W in the Helen Coughlan Stakes at Eagle Farm, 4:34pm AEST

1200m Listed Fillies & Mares Helen Coughlan Stakes

Trainer: Chris Waller, Jockey: James McDonald, 58.5kg

Now on to pick #2 this week, and I’m doing the Eagle Rock and dropping my pants at Eagle Farm, and forget about these boring arse Group 1s, I’m going for the support races, particularly the Helen Coughlan Stakes, named after the fabulous writer, and speaking about those Group 1s at Eagle Farm, how on earth did bloody Charles Kingsford Smith get a Group 1 race named in his honour!

For god’s sake, I know it’s close to the airport, but forget about riding a bloody horse with distinction, all Kingsford Smith ever did was fly a rickety death trap over the Pacific Ocean without dying!

When you think about it, he was just a slightly luckier version of John Denver!

Anyway, sticking with things that can’t fly, Chris Waller’s mare Madam Rouge loves Queensland more than a Victorian retiree, having recorded 3 starts in the Sunshine State for a 2nd placing in the 2019 Helen Coughlan Stakes, a win in the 2020 Magic Millions Sprint on the Gold Coast, and a runner-up performance to Tyzone in last year’s Group 1 Stradbroke Handicap!

I think it goes to show the mare could give the New South Wales rugby league team a few tips on how to perform well in Queensland, although unlike previous visits, she is going up off an interrupted preparation, having put in a bad performance in the Coolmore Classic off the quick back-up from the Canterbury Stakes way back in March, which led to Chris deciding to give her a break and prepare for another border raid.

Make no bones about it, this edition of the Helen Coughlan going to be a very even race AS THE MARKET SUGGESTS with 6 horses inside single figures and another 4 inside 20-1, but I’m happy, and insane enough, to take the wee wee Madam, who is not a Frenchwoman from France as her name suggests.

Her 1200m is very solid with 4 wins and 2 second placings from 10 attempts, she’s performed well in Queensland previously, the inside barrier is there if James McDonald actually wants to use it, the weight shouldn’t be an issue, and I think she’s a very good chance at cracking the placings at the very least!

Madam Rogue – My Each-Way PICK OF THE DAY.

As always knackers, enjoy your Saturday, unlike myself and my fellow Victorians, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me CRAAAAAAAZY CRAIG!