ARIARNE TITMUS IS AN OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALIST.

And now here’s her coach, Dean ‘The Ultimate Warrior’ Boxall, providing the new standard for celebrating an Australian winning a gold medal, shagging a guard rail and frightening one of the Japanese volunteers in the process:

And now here’s the thoughts of former Australian Prime Minister, Bob Hawke:

And in conclusion, it’s time for a festive song to celebrate this day:

So here it is, Merry Titmus, everybody’s having fun, look to the future now, it’s only just begunnnnnnn!

Alternatively:

A very Merry Titmus, and a Happy New Year, Let’s hope it’s a good one, without any fear!