Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

Well this week saw the crushing news that the fabled Birdsville Races are off once again, and I suppose a few trainers in Queensland are happy, because how many horses have we seen race on the edge of the Simpson Desert, get back in the run, and subsequently disappear amidst a giant trail of kicked up sand from the leaders:

But it seems the simple solution found by the Birdsville Racing Club is to run the 2021 Birdsville Cup in April of 2022, because according to Club President David Brook, if it’s good enough for the Olympics, it’s good enough for them.

That should be a philosophy that more people should take in life – For instance, when I go around knocking over everyone’s water at the Bowlo, I’ll simply say that if it’s good enough for the Olympics, it’s good enough for me.

So with the Simpson Desert not on the horizon until the Autumn, it’s time to look on to this week, and the feature country cup of the week has to be the Broome Cup up on the Pearl Coast of WA, which will be the farewell ride for Peter Hall after 38 years, and the other good news is that Group racing is back in force for 2021/22, with the Group 2 PB Lawrence Stakes + the Vain and Quezette Stakes on the card at Caulfield, while there’s the Group 3 Up And Coming Stakes at the new location of Kembla Grange, which may or may not have been a forced change, because it’s been at Randwick since 2014 after getting moved from Warwick Farm for the fifth time.

For reference, the Up And Coming was traditionally on the same card as the former Warwick Stakes (Now the Winx Stakes), which explains it’s ever changing number of locations – Warwick Farm from 1979 to ’92, then it went to Randwick, back to the Farm, then to Canterbury, back to the Farm again, back to Randwick, then back to the Farm for the fourth time, then to Randwick again, then back to the Farm for the fifth time, before it seemingly settled permanently at Randwick in 2014 and was held a week before the Warwick Stakes, but it’s now at the Grange on it’s lonesome.

Fair dinkum, I don’t even think North Melbourne went through that many venues through the ’90s and 2000s trying to find a home ground.

So on that note, it’s on to Crazy Craig, and right now the mythical madman from the Macedon Ranges could stop the spread of a deadly virus in it’s tracks if he backed it, such is his uncannily crap run of form, but he’s deluded enough to keep going, so to begin CC’s thoughts for the week, here’s the return of the usual theme song – Sir Cliff Richard with Lucky Lips!

Each-Way Pick of the Day: Brigantine (No.8, Barrier 8) Race 8 at Kembla Grange (SR8), 3:35pm AEST

1300m 3YO Group 3 Darley Up And Coming Stakes

Trainer: James Cummings, Jockey: Kerrin McEvoy, 53kg

Hello hello again everyone, it’s Crazy Craig, the Boy From Bairnsdale, and I’ll start off this week by saying that all bloody week, I’ve been receiving hate mail and angry letters about my poor performances on this segment in the last few months.

Yes, it’s been disappointing, but all I’ll say is that experiences like this are character building, it’s not my fault it’s the fault of the horses, and quite frankly you nitpicking bushy-eyed wankers can all go and get fu-

So now that I’ve said that, it’s on to Saturday, and to quote Australiana, I don’t like to speak Illawarra….

But how on earth did we end up with a major New South Wales metro meeting at Kembla Grange in the middle of August!

It’s almost as if someone in the New South Wales Government left the pandemic hose on and flooded the entire city, which is as irresponsible as throwing your phone in the river when you get sick of it!

So I’ll have to make do with it because that PB Lawrence field at Caulfield smells like a raw egg, and to cut the bullshit, I’m going straight to the Up And Coming Stakes, because I’m going for the combination that I think the good people of China would consider the good luck charm…

RACE 8, BARRIER 8, NUMBER 8!

Yes, I wanted to back the Godolphin colt Brigantine just so I could say that, as he takes the big step up in class after winning his maiden at Randwick in style following two rotten runs to begin his career, and obviously Tiger of Malay has the ability and the form over everyone else in the field, given he’s Group 1 placed in the JJ Atkins, but he’s lumping 61 kilos 1st Up!

By comparison, Brigantine comes into this dropping from 56 to 53 kilos off the back of a win, he’s going up in distance with some upside to come, although he’ll need to make a bigger leap than Steve Hooker in Beijing going from a maiden to a Group 3, and as for the others, well I don’t care about them, because they’ve probably all got a HEART AS BIG AS A PEA.

So go on little Kerrin McEvoy, who is of no relation to Ben ‘Big Boy’ McEvoy, show a bit of cheek out in front, because you’re my EACH-WAY PICK OF THE DAY!

I suspect there may have been another reason for it, and it’s got something to do with the REAL Crazy Craig’s birth date…..

The 8th of the 8th!

Pick of the Day: Brave Dream (No.10, Barrier 9) in Race 9 at Belmont, 4:55pm AWST

1600m Happy 60th Birthday Mark Walker Handicap

Trainer: Adam Durrant, Jockey: Clint Johnston-Porter, 55kg

I think those half-baked West Aussies like my mate Mr Alfonse have got senses of humour – This is a 60+ rating race, and it’s celebrating the 60th birthday of some guy named Mark Walker!

That’s not just funny, it’s CRAZY!

So on that note, I’d better start off this pick with something relating to the horse’s name, so here we go, a little musical number by some band named Heart (As Big As A Pea)…..

Brave Dream go on when I close my eyes, every second of the night, I live another life!

Brave Dream that sleeps when it’s cold outside, every moment I’m awake, the further I’m away!

Yes, Aberdeen Queen (Named after Annie Lennox) may be in this race, but I’m absolutely fed up with that pea-hearted mare because she just can’t put in a good run anymore, so I’m going for a horse that’s got two hoofs on the till, and that’s BRAVE DREAM, who would’ve won 3 weeks ago at Belmont (That’s in Burswood) if she hadn’t hit traffic issues….

Then again, that’d be like me saying the Titanic would’ve easily crossed the Atlantic Ocean in April of 1912 were it not for those icebergs blocking the way!

So after that run in which the luck just wasn’t a lady on the night, William Pike hops off to go and ride Aberdeen Queen, while Clint Johnston-Porter, a jockey apparently known as ‘The Hyphenator’, gets back aboard, and he does appear to have a good history with the mare, because he was aboard when she broke her maiden at Ascot last year!

She’s good in the wet, you’d think she’ll go back in running again, so hopefully there’s a turn of fortune in store today, and you’re probably wondering why the hell is your old mate Crazy Craig picking runners in Perth when there’s a Group 2 race on at Caulfield, well let me tell you…

I am going to back a winner in Perth one day, DON’T YOU WORRY ABOUT THAT, and hopefully it’s Brave Dream, because she’s my PICK OF THE DAY.

So on that note, if you’re locked down over in the East over this weekend, go and get yourself a prick for the good of the community….

I know I got my prick several years ago….. The only problem is his name’s Crazy Colin and now he lives on the same street as me!

Hahahaha, stay safe, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me CRAAAAAAZY CRAIG!