Alright folks, Christmas is done, it’s the last Tuesday of 2021, the Ashes are done, dusted and retained, England have matched the records for the most Test defeats and most ducks in a calendar year, so here’s a whole bunch of crap:

I’ve noticed recently that people over east have been complaining about not getting a test result back within 3 days, preventing them from going interstate…

Based on today, if you want to get a test with a result inside of 3 days, just go to the MCG.

Here’s former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd with his thoughts on England’s Ashes performance

England spent 14 days in quarantine on the Gold Coast.

It took 11 days and 1 session to ensure the urn would stay in Australia.

A swings & roundabouts coincidence I’ve noticed in the result

Boxing Day 1986: England defeat Australia by an innings and 14 runs in a match that was finished by Day 3, retaining the Ashes in the process

Boxing Day 2021: Australia defeat England by an innings and 14 runs in a match that was finished by Day 3, retaining the Ashes in the process

Scott Boland is the greatest bulky Victorian bowler since Merv Hughes

In fact, the only thing Scotty didn’t do in that 2nd Innings was go down to Bay 13 and start stretching.

Scott Boland’s 6 for 7 off 4 overs is the second-best strike rate (4.0) for a bowler in Test cricketing history, and the best of anyone bowling a 6 ball over

The overall record belongs to Australian mollydooker Ernie Toschack, who took 5 wickets for 2 runs in just 2.3 overs against India at the Gabba in 1947-48, in what was India’s first international tour since gaining independence.

The reason I mentioned 6-ball over is because Toshack’s performance came in the era (1936-37 to 1978-79) when Test matches in Australia consisted of 8-ball overs, which came to an end in 1979 when Law 17.1 of the Laws of Cricket was amended to explicitly state that overs in every country will consist of 6 balls.

“By christ Tappy, shix for sheven!”

Fun Fact: Marcus Harris out-scored England’s 2nd Innings

Yes, the very same Marcus Harris that 90% of the country wants dropped.

How horrific that must feel for England – To not only be bowled out for your lowest score in Australia in 117 years (61 at the MCG in 1904), but the fact that one Marcus Harris, whose highest score in his past 18 innings was a lofty 44, and was lucky to even reach double figures, outscored your entire 2nd Innings.

And to cap it off, it was the shortest completed Test match (1084 balls) in Australia in 70 years.

What a conundrum for both teams ahead of the Sydney Test next week

With Scott Boland’s superb 2nd Innings display, Australia now have to squeeze 6 well-performed fast bowlers into 3 positions, assuming they’ll play 2 spinners.

On the other hand, England have to find 11 people with British passports who actually know how to play cricket.

England were on 2/22 in both of their innings

There’s only one photo I can use for this marvellous coincidence:

Matthew Richardson detailing a sledge and a half at his expense at the MCG

Amazing – The delivery on that sledge was better than some of the delivery Inside 50 that Richo copped from his Tigers teammates throughout his career.

Poor old Liam Gurthie

Bowling for the Brisbane Heat against the Stars on Monday night, Gurthie copped the most expensive figures in Big Bash League history; 2-70 off 4 overs, with 6 wides and a no-ball, after only giving up 8 runs and taking a wicket in his first over.

It begs the question, if he’d already given up 47 runs off 3 overs, why on earth did they make him bowl a 4th, in which he gave up 23 runs, in a game the Heat lost by 20 runs?

Well, on the bright side, at least he took 2 wickets.

Perth has achieved the double hat-trick of 40 degree days

42.6 degrees Celsius on Christmas Day, 43.5 degrees on Boxing Day, 41 degrees on Monday, and wouldn’t you believe it, the top for today was 40.7 degrees, cracking 40 degrees just before 2 o’clock….

Ah, a cool change:

Supposedly this is only the third time in Perth history with 4 days over 40+ degrees; The last time it happened was February of 2016, and prior to that, February of 1933.

It’s Perth Cup Day on Saturday and quite a few people in the industry have been blindsided by the WA Government’s double vax announcement

I should comment that further to this, a few months back, there were unsubstantiated rumours that William Pike had to address that claimed he was having his strings pulled and was a bit hesitant to get vaccinated, which would’ve forced him into ‘retirement’…

Let’s just say that fire just had an ungodly amount of kerosene poured on it:

“WA’s top hoop William Pike is one of three jockeys who have forfeited their ride in the Perth Cup after COVID-19 restrictions were put in place for the New Year’s Day card.”

“Pike, who claimed two of the three Group Ones during the summer carnival, had been set to ride favourite Midnight Blue in the Group Two Perth Cup on Saturday, but has been replaced by Patrick Carbery.” 

“Restrictions brought in by the Western Australian government requires all participants and patrons to be double vaccinated to be permitted to attend Ascot.” 

Peter Knuckey has also replaced Jason Whiting on Marocchino and Jerry Noske has taken the ride on Bad Wolf after Troy Turner was originally booked. “

Still, just to sum up how rubbery the rules are right now, Pike, Knuckey and Whiting were all free to ride at the Belmont meeting today, and they can ride at every other meeting in WA this week with their vaccination status unchanged

EXCEPT the Perth Cup.

I can only guess that Bill Belichick’s New Year’s Resolution after January 1 will end up being “We’re just focusing on Valentine’s Day”

In case you missed it, a reporter asked BB if he had any New Year’s Resolutions…. That’s all well and good, but the Patriots had just lost the lead of the AFC East to the Buffalo Bills, so the answer was predictable:

And finally, Mel Gibson would be delighted with the result in the Timaru Cap at Phar Lap Raceway

In case you missed it, here’s the winning speech from William’s trainer Meg Cunneen: