American Football

Tuesday Tithbits: 25th January

Well it’s the 25th of January, it’s 2 years to the day since Australia recorded its first Coronavirus case, we’ve got some kind of a public holiday tomorrow in Australia, and Dylan Alcott, a loose unit who became the first man in the history of tennis to complete any form of Calendar Year Golden Slam, is the Australian of the Year:

The first person with a disability to be named Australian of the Year…. I liked how after he got a standing ovation from the audience, Dylan noted that to him, standing ovations are “One of the most ironic things in the world.”

That, and I’m sure he’s copped that same ‘standing ovation’ joke a shitload of times.

Here’s a photo of an Australian apex predator

An unseeded pair of Greek Australians, potentially descended from Aristotle and Socrates, proved to be so entertaining they forced Channel 9 to shift a Grand Slam Quarter Final featuring Rafael Nadal over to their digital channels

In fact, when I got home, I couldn’t even find Nadal vs Shapovalov on any Channel 9 channel – Not even the Bryan Brothers or the Woodies could achieve that….

Mainly because Digital TV wasn’t around when the Woodies played.

A 4.5 earthquake struck Wagin, making it the most interesting thing to ever happen in Wagin

That, or the days the Matera brothers were all born.

From Geoscience Australia

One of these people speaks for the entire country

Photo by Alex Ellinghausen/Fairfax

The unanticipated report about my trip to Pickering Brook

Yes, so late yesterday evening I mentioned that I’d been called up (Alongside my 5th Division teammate Smiley) as a substitute for the struggling Manning Tuesday Women’s 4th Division team, who were playing out at a mythical land called Pickering Brook in the Perth Hills, where Vodafone have apparently never dared to tread judging by the signal I got on my phone, and the great irony of it all, as I noted last night, was that I got a game in 4th Division Women’s Pennants before I got a game in 4th Division Men’s Pennants.

On what turned out to be a near perfect day for bowls, we drove out to the Pickering Brook Sports Club in Smiley’s ute, and I was given some kind of a warning from the selectors that the Pickering Brook greens are a bit on the slow side, which I found out had nothing to do with it being the equivalent of a Heavy 10 racetrack like you get at some clubs, it’s because the grass looked like it hadn’t been given a decent watering since 2002:

Due to be ripped up at the end of the season, as they told me

Still, that green looked a world better than the adjacent George Spriggs Reserve, which appears to have gone without a good drink since 1902:

Well, at least the wicket’s green

As for what happened during the game, myself and Smiley were plonked alongside energetic Emmy (a fellow rookie to Pennants) and Alison, who I know quite well from Jack Attack, and we found out beforehand that when it comes to using men as substitutes in Women’s pennants, teams can indeed use two men on the same team, which meant we could put Smiley in his usual position of skip against Gina from the Brook, which may or may not have been a competitive advantage, even though Gina herself bowled pretty damn well.

Despite being short more than a few times on a slow green (Which actually wasn’t as slow as I was informed), we took the lead with a 1st End hold of 3 and never looked back, thanks in part to Alison routinely promoting my short crap into the head, which won us more than a few ends in a tight game.

As I told Alison, I don’t need makeup to look good.

Despite a brief lull where we gave up 6 in 3 ends to tie the score at 14 apiece with 4 ends to play, we ultimately won the rink 24-16, thanks mainly to getting a 6 on the last end, which was caused by Pickering Brook fortuitously hitting 3 of our bowls up (Plus Alison once again hit one of my bowls up to pretty much seal the game), after we put 4 blockers in place trying to defend a 2 shot lead, and it worked perfectly.

Alison telling Smiley we held 6, while performing what appears to be Richard Nixon’s farewell salute, as Emmy watches on

What stopped us from getting a full count of 8 was Smiley bowling too short, not that it mattered in the end, because we got the point!

So despite winning by 8 shots, we were actually behind 10-11 on Ends won

Unfortunately for Manning, Pickering Brook (Who also needed a bloke as a substitute) comfortably won the adjacent rink 30-12, so we lost the aggregate 46-36, but I can rest easy knowing we did our part to add a bit of ‘shamateurism’ to the ladies game, and importantly, that point we won dragged Manning off the bottom of the Division 4 Red ladder, ahead of Como, on percentage.

Yep, they won’t be going down to Divvy 5 just yet.

The good times keep rolling in at the Manning Bowling Club

Backtracking a little bit now, but Sunday afternoon was a huge moment in the history of the quaint little club on Challenger Avenue, as they were represented in the finals of both genders in the WA Men’s State Singles and the Women’s State Singles out at Bassendean, and amazingly, for the second time in 4 years, Manning players did the double and won both major singles titles – Back in 2019, Blake Butler, the only bloke wearing an Extra Small shirt at Manning, and Kristina Krstic, the No.3 women’s bowler in the country, won the titles.

First up, Hailey Packer won a tense Women’s Singles final 25-23 against Lisa Featherby from Mosman Park, after Featherby made a huge comeback from 22-10 down to tie the score at 23 apiece as Packer appeared to get a bad case of the yips, but she steadied and got the job done after a gruelling 30 ends, which makes it 7 years running, and 8 out of the last 9, that a Manning player has won the WA Women’s State Singles title, which isn’t that surprising when you consider that the Manning women have won the Perth Metro Tuesday pennants title 14 out of the last 16 seasons.

I am not making that stat up.

Then in the Men’s Singles Final, which ran concurrently with Ash Barty taking Amanda Anisimova to the cleaners, Premier League regular David ‘Robert’ Downey got through a Murderer’s Row of state and Commonwealth Games quality bowlers to reach the final, where he took on Russell Bates from Doubleview, and the defining moment for young Davo was when he reeled off 5 consecutive ends to increase his lead from 11-9 to 20-9 during the middle ends, and despite a valiant comeback from Bates to cut the deficit from 22-10 to 22-17, Downey sealed the title after 25 ends when he stopped the bleeding and held a 3.

One of the more fascinating elements of the game was Russ seemingly covering his mouth with a rag, making it appear as if he was talking to himself before every bowl, and the question was apparently answered on the live chat:

Chloroform… no wonder Russ played poorly.

For a bit of context, Dave is only the third Manning player to win the Men’s State Singles title in its 120 year history, although it is worth noting that Manning Memorial Bowling Club has only been around since 1957.

Check out the big bastard of an avocado that Pickering Brook threw in their stone fruit raffle

What the hell are they putting in the soil in Pickering Brook… you could feed a small village with this thing:

A song to describe the state of the Women’s Ashes after the Twenty 20 matches

I’ve seen people on Twitter call the Women’s Ashes the WAshes….

After the last 2 T20s, they might have to call it the WAshouts.

A reminder – Who overcame a high snap to execute the perfect hold for Robbie Gould to kick the game-winning field goal for the 49ers in driving snow at Lambeau Field?


Staying on the weather topic, in Green Bay on Saturday night, it was -10 degrees Celsius.

In Perth that day, it was 41.1 degrees Celsius.

To be honest, I would rather have been in Green Bay.

The latest moral dilemma ripping through the United States

“There’s nothing wrong with the car, except that it’s on fire” – Murray Walker

Oh boy, I can’t wait to watch the Perth Scorchers have a crack at winning yet another Big Bash title in front of a pissy 4,000 people on Friday at Marvel Stadium

What a lovely spectacle it’ll be for absolutely nobody.

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