Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

So as we meander through Good Friday, the news came through this morning that Jack Newton, twice a Major runner-up and later the victim of a brutal propeller accident that deprived him of one eye and one arm, has died at the age of 72 after several years of living with Alzheimer’s, and we must remember that in addition to his achievements in the fields of golf & charity, Jack played his part in one of the great practical jokes on television, when Mario Fenech made him a cup of tea and gave it to him on a saucer.

Ah, what a great sense of humour.

So with Good Friday raging on with races in all three corners of the country, thanks to the Sale Good Friday races taking off for the first time in 2022, we look ahead to Easter Saturday, which is traditionally full of wild events, such as…

The Oakbank Carnival is on, minus the jumps races, the Dongara Cup got moved to Geraldton (Putrid if you ask me), the Group 3 Sires’ Produce at Ascot, the Caulfield Easter Saturday meeting , the Daybreak Lover + Ascot Quality at Eagle Farm, and the meeting of the day is the two Group 1s at Randwick, the Champagne Stakes featuring Fireburn attempting to become the first horse to win the 2-Year-Old Triple Crown since Pierro in 2012, and the All-Aged Stakes, the last Group 1 of the season in New South Wales.

So it’s on to Crazy Craig once again, and you wouldn’t believe it, but 3 out of the last 4 Value Picks that Craig has picked on Friday have run 2nd the next day, with Benaud running 2nd in the ATC Derby and Sheraz running a bolter in the Sydney Cup last week, so if you’ve been backing them the place like us smartarses, you’d be a couple of hundred up, so let’s see if he can do it again, because just like Sir Cliff Richard, Craig has LUCKY LIPS!

Value Pick: Tofane (No.9, Barrier 12) in the All-Aged Stakes at Randwick (SR8), 3:50pm AEST

1400m Group 1 SWFA

Trainer: Michael Moroney, Jockey: Mark Zahra, 57kg

Hello Hello everyone it’s Crazy Craig, TBFB, and let me tell you, the kiddies of today won’t know what it was like not having racing or footy on Good Friday to help us get through the most tedious day of the year….

Back in 2006, I had to sit next to Crazy Colin for 7 hours and help him complete a bloody puzzle!

After 6 hours and 58 minutes, I got up and told him “Finish it yourself, you lazy prick!”

Anyway, moving on from ancient history, we’ve got one last Group 1 meeting at Randwick to get through, so I’ll go straight to the All-Aged Stakes and have a crack at the value on offer, and after a lack of consideration, I’ve gone for the mare making her farewell to competitive racing, and that’s 4-time Group 1 winner Tofane!

Mike Moroney’s star mare raced in the All-Star Mile last start, and quite frankly she was ordinary, dropping out to run 8th and beaten 5 lengths, but that race turned out to be pretty handy considering it gave us the trifecta for the Doncaster Mile, and the winner Zaaki went on to run 2nd in the Queen Elizabeth last week!

BUT, the big change that Mike Moroney has made since last month is that Tofane is going back to her pet distance of 1400m, and that’s vital because all 4 of her past Group 1 victories have been over the 7 furlongs, including the 2020 edition of the All-Aged Stakes!

How crazy is that!

Obviously the big question is how well does Tofane handle Heavy ground, because naturally being Randwick at this time of year it’s muddier than the Western Front circa 1917, but I would say that the one word answer is ‘Okay’, because her only go on a Heavy track was a 5th place to Nature Strip in the 2020 TJ Smith, in which she was wide without cover all the way.

Naturally it’ll be another big race, Tofane probably won’t win with horses like In The Congo, Mo’unga and Forbidden Love in the race, but given this is her last run before broodmare duties begin, I reckon Mark Zahra’s going to give it a red hot crack and try to because she’s my VALUE Pick of the Day.

Pick of the Day: Ayrton (No.9, Barrier 2) in Race 8 at Caulfield (MR8), 4:45pm AEST

1400m Group 3 Victoria Handicap

Trainers: Mick Price & Mick Kent Jnr, Jockey: Jamie Kah, 54kg

On to the Pick of the Day, and I’m off to the craphole that is Caulfield for the many Easter tribute races, and in the Victoria Handicap, I’ve gone for a horse I’ve backed previously, on his return from a spider bite of all things, and that’s Ayrton!

Actually, if he was bitten by a spider, shouldn’t he be able to shoot webs out of his hooves?

Now, Ayrton was last seen during the Melbourne Spring, when he won 1st Up at Caulfield, then raced at Flemington on Makybe Diva day, when he ran a disappointing 3rd as a $1.45 favourite, after which he received the aforementioned spider bite and hasn’t raced since!

Now, Mick Kent Jnr has warned us degenerates during the week that Ayrton is a risk 1st Up, and that he doesn’t think the one-time speedster can win, but am I going to listen to a bloke who would spend every day of his life with the gelding named after Senna?

No, because I’m CRAAAAZY!

The reason I think Ayrton CAN WIN is because his 1st Up record is 3 starts for 3 wins, and his record at the Caulfield 1400m is a fairly sound 2 starts for 2 wins, and his Caulfield record is 3 starts for 3 wins!

Just on principle you’d have to give him a hope of winning, even if this field bats deeper than the early 2000s Australian cricketing scene, with Kissonallfourcheeks, I Am Superman, Bermadez and Streets of Avalon in the field, but I say stuff em, because compared to Ayrton, they may as well be Andrea de Cesaris, because Ayrton is my PICK OF THE DAY.

Random Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson Pick: Rock The Ring (No.3, Barrier 9) in Race 8 at Oakbank (AR8), 4:27pm ACST

1100m Listed Quality Adelaide Hills Railway Stakes

Trainers: Tony & Calvin McEvoy, Jockey: Barend Vorster, 55kg

IF YOU SMELLLLLLLLLLL WHAT THE ROCK, IS, COOKING!

Enjoy your Saturday folks, stay safe, stay negative, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!