Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

Well friends, for the first time in 3 years, the Festivus of Sport is back to end the month of September, and while the horses, teams and individuals may win on the field, the biggest winners will be Tabcorp’s share price.

It starts with the Moir Stakes meeting at Moonee Valley tonight to kick off the night racing season, the NRL Preliminary Finals on Friday and Saturday, the AFL Grand Final all day Saturday, the Golden Rose at Rosehill during the 2nd Quarter of the Grand Final, the All Blacks will crap on the Wallabies in the Bledisloe, and it’s all bookended by the Underwood Stakes meeting at Sandown on Sunday, the first Group 1 race on a Sunday since the 2019 Underwood.

And I haven’t even mentioned the feature event of the weekend begins on Sunday morning… the Men’s 2 Bowl Singles Championship at Manning.

Speaking of the Underwood, it might be a 6-horse field, but it looks like an early Cox Plate preview with Zaaki, I’m Thunderstruck, Mr Brightside and Alligator Blood all among the contenders for the WFA Classic, while Mo’unga and Nonconformist are just there for a laugh.

The other major race of the weekend is the Golden Rose, which feels more boring compared to recent editions, but I can say with some degree of confidence that a James Cummings-trained Godolphin runner is probably going to win, because every time I look at a 3-year-old race in Sydney they seem to be winning it, so yeah, one of In Secret or Golden Mile.

Other highlights of the weekend’s racing include the Black Heart Bart Stakes at Belmont in the last Saturday at Belmont for the year, the Reg Ansett Classic at Mornington, which I will be avoiding because Mornington is a crock of a track, and you may notice today’s racing also includes the running of the Benalla Cup, and the Ewan races in Queensland are back for another year.

True story, the town of Ewan was named after acclaimed Scottish actor Ewan McGregor in recognition of his performances as the young Obi-Wan Kenobi…. Obviously the locals felt he was as good as Sir Alec Guinness.

So it’s on to Crazy Craig, fresh off the greatest high anyone’s seen since The Beatles went to Abbey Road and recorded Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, as CC finished with 2 winners and a 2nd place from 3 attempts, and it was all because of his switch to the new theme song…. ELVIS PRESLEY’S GOOD LUCK CHARM!

Pick of the Day(s): Fire (No.4, Barrier 12) in Race 10 at Rosehill (SR10), Saturday 5:25pm AEST

1100 BM78 Irresistible Pools & Spas Handicap

Trainers: John, Michael & Wayne Hawkes, Jockey: Tommy Berry, 59kg

Hello hello everyone, it’s Craaaaazy Craig, the Tipping KING of Bairnsdale, because I picked up 2 winners last week, which is more winners than I picked in the previous 6 weeks!

How crazy is that!

And there I was banging on the phone to my mates about how you could never win in this crap game!

Anyway, this weekend I’m taking the chance to spread my picks out over a couple of days with the Sandown meeting on the Sunday, so we’ll have to wait until the Grand Final’s finished to find my first Pick of the weekend, and like an arsonist, I’ll be playing with FIRE!

Fancy that, I’m a kleptomaniac who steals Colin’s tomatoes, and I’m also a Kleptomaniac!

I’m pretty sure I backed Fire when he ran at Flemington last month, and guess what, he shit himself in the straight and threw away the race as a favourite against Chain of Lightning, and guess what happened last start at the end of August when he went to Rosehill?

HE FLEW DOWN THE STRAIGHT, THEN HE BLOODY WELL DRIFTED OUT AND THREW AWAY THE RACE!

$1.90 he was, and he still couldn’t bloody well win, but it should be noted that Fire and Monte Ditto comfortably beat the rest of the field by 2 lengths, and now Fire is out to a more backable price at $4, a price that may have also been affected by the fact that he’s drawn Barrier 12…

But, I’d counter that by pointing out that Tommy Berry is back aboard a Hawkes-trained runner with the silks of the Grey Flash, Chautauqua, so there’s every chance he’ll find cover, the blinkers go on first time to get him to straighten up and avoid his drunken sailor antics in the straight…

And, am I worried about the Newcastle galloper Kipbay on a winning hat-trick?

No, because I’m a stark-raving lunatic, of course!

So there you go, despite the rain threatening to dampen his spirits, FIRE is my Pick of the Day, because just like Fire would, I BURN UP!.

King Charles Omen Bet: All The King’s Men (No.10, Barrier 4) in Race 6 at Belmont (PR6), Saturday 3:30pm AWST (5:30)

1200m 66+ Rating Morley Growers Market Handicap

Trainer: Trevor Andrews, Jockey: Shaun O’Donnell, 54kg

I’ll be on a five minute backup from the Pick of the Day, because I think we’ve found ourselves an omen bet, because after the fortnight he’s had, old mate King Chuckie could do with a winner….

And judging by this photo, he could do with a beer as well!

Look at Camilla, that’s the face of someone thinking “Oh god, he’s going to start talking about that ****in’ fountain pen again, isn’t he…”

Tracy Chapman Value Pick: Revolutionary Miss (No.1, Barrier 15) E/W in Race 6 at Sandown (MR6), SUNDAY 3:50pm AEST

1400m Listed 3YO Fillies Jim Moloney Stakes

Trainers: Peter & Paul Snowden, Jockey: Jye McNeil, 58.5kg

Cause finally the tables are starting to turn,
Talkin’ ’bout a Revolutionary Miss
‘Cause finally the tables are starting to turn
Talkin’ ’bout a Revolutionary Miss, oh no
Talkin’ ’bout a Revolutionary Miss, oh

Enjoy your Saturday folks, stay safe, stay negative, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!