Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town
Well friends, weirdos, strangers and friends, amidst falling TV ratings it’s time for Stakes Day and the inglorious end of the Melbourne Cup Carnival, and this year it’s something different from the VRC, with the first edition of what they’re calling CHAMPIONS DAY, featuring 3 Group 1 races; The Champions Sprint (The Darley Sprint Classic), the Champions Mile (The old Cantala Stakes), back in its traditional slot of the last Saturday of the Cup Carnival, and the Champions Stakes, which is the time-honoured Mackinnon Stakes.
The main highlights of the trio are the Everest rematch between winner Giga Kick and World’s best sprinter Nature Strip in the Sprint, while the Champions Stakes is the Cox Plate rematch between winner Anamoe and runner-up I’m Thunderstruck, and it’s postcode odds for the rest, although when it comes to events of a global magnitude on Stakes Day, it’s hard to top the TAB throwing a bucket of water on their servers on Stakes Day in 2020:
Those shifty bastards did everything they could to stop people truckloading Bivouac and Arcadia Queen….
Didn’t stop me!
Elsewhere, Rosehill has the Golden Gift, which sounds like something the 3 Wise Men gave the baby Jesus for Christmas, plus the inaugural running of the Five Diamonds and the time-honoured Group 2 Hot Danish, named after something that Miss Maud sells on their all-day menu…..
And over in Wait Awhile, it’s the Group 2 Lee Steere Stakes, the biggest remaining leadup race to the Railway Stakes in a fortnight, although the Lee Steere isn’t even the biggest race in WA this week, which was the race to the bottom on Cup Day at the Manning Bowling Club, as 6 tables combined to down at least 20 bottles of Chandon.
To quote Bill Collins calling Dulcify in the Cox Plate, Table 4 “Won by a minute!”
So on that note, it’s on to Crazy Craig for the last time this Spring, before he goes into hibernation for a month and comes back with a shot of Christmas cheer injected into his backside in December, and for goodness sake Craig, your Oaks pick ran shithouse, so can you please pull your finger out and actually tip something that runs in the Top 3, because you’ve got Elvis Presley as a GOOD LUCK CHARM!
Soulcombe (No.11, Barrier 4) in Race 4 at Flemington (MR4), 2:30pm AEDT
2600m Group 3 Queen’s Cup
Trainer: Chris Waller, Jockey: Craig Williams, 54kg
Hello hello everyone it’s Craaaaazy Craig TBFB, Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, back for another round of arse-kickings after my Oaks Day prediction went wrong!
Now, apparently you may have heard or read that myself and Crazy Colin were planning on singing Elvis Presley down at the shops if Deauville Legend didn’t win the Melbourne Cup….
Well, it’s not happening, and instead I may or may not have told Colin to get ****ed and stop taking my beer, because he bloody well stole 6 Carlton Draughts out of the esky on Cup Day, and when I asked him ‘Colin, why did you steal a sixpack without telling me?’, you know what he said?
‘I was thirsty!’
Unfortunately I’ll never see those beers again, but I might be able to see one last winner before the Cup Carnival, and it might just be the Frankel-bred import Soulcombe in the renamed Queen’s Cup, making his Australian debut for Chris Waller after being purchased by Ozzie Kheir, and when you get an import debuting for C.Waller the money is never far behind, and the thinking is if Soulcombe can replicate the form he showed during the recent British summer, he’ll be positively pissing it in, because he won 3 out of his last 4 starts, and his last start at York he flew over the top and won by 4 lengths!
Of course, it is a huge risk because he’s far from the ‘finished article’, especially coming off a cross-hemisphere plane ride, but everyone knows Australian stayers are shithouse, so the only other peaheart I can see beating him is Lunar Flare, who was scratched from the Melbourne Cup after a small issue during a vet check, which raises several question marks on her fitness in my deluded book, and Persan could also win it for the simple fact that he’s trained by Maher & Eustace!
So there we go, SOULCOMBE is my PICK OF THE DAY, although now that I’ve backed him, he’ll probably get a stitch and run last!
The Electric Light Orchestra Race: Laws of Indices (No.2, Barrier 12) in the Five Diamonds at Rosehill (SR5), 4:50pm AEDT
1800m 5YO SW+P
Trainer: Annabel Neasham, Jockey: Hugh Bowman, 59kg
Knackers, once again I am PISSED OFF with Racing NSW, this time for the fact they didn’t call their pretty little new race the Five Diamonds the Four Little Diamonds…..
Electric Light Orchestra quite literally have a song called FOUR LITTLE DIAMONDS – That’s why this race could’ve been the ELO Stakes!
“And if the Lord don’t get her than I will, FOUR little DIAMONDS!”
THAT COULD’VE BEEN THE THEME SONG FOR THE RACE, IF ONLY YOU’D ASKED JEFF LYNNE.
ONCE AGAIN PISTOL PETE, YOU’VE MISSED THE MARK.
Piss Poor Perth Punting: Miss Vasari (No.14, Barrier 6) E/W in Race 9 at Ascot (PR9), 5:40pm AWST
1200m 66+ Rating Amelia Park Handicap
Trainer: Michael Lane, Jockey: Brad Parnham, 54.5kg
Now knackers, let me preface this by saying that Zephyra will probably win this race even if the barrier attendants have a brain fart and forget to remove her hood behind the barriers, but I think there might be a damn good chance that Miss Vasari can run in the Top 3 here, based on her last when she ran a solid 2nd, 1.6L behind the unbeaten Bustler after tracking him all the way in the race (October 22), and I would note Bustler is 3/3 in his career, much like Zephyra, and he will be running in Race 5 against Snowdome tomorrow.
Now, the other reason I can see Miss Vasari running alright is that quite simply, outside of Real Grace, half of this field for Race 9 have HEARTS AS BIG AS PEAS.
Written Matter – Not worth the paper it’s written on!
Cross Statement – I’m reading that statement and it looks bloody weak!
Sneaky Chance – Bullshit you are!
He’s Gold – More like he’s come fourth and won nothing!
Prize Pursuit – There’s not that much to pursue, mate!
And Cold Shizzle – When’s Jimmy Barnes going to rejoin them so they can start touring again?
So there you go, Miss Vasari, my unofficial VALUE PICK for Saturday.
Thank you for your concern.
Enjoy your Saturday folks, STAY DRY, stay safe, stay negative, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!
Not worth posting Crazy Craig’s Champions Picks, because they’re all favourites… might as well have been sent to me by Gary Harley.
Categories: Horse Racing