Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

Hello friends, strangers and Queenslanders, we move on to the middle of the month of May and the Mother’s Day weekend, and what a superb slate of racing for the weekend:

The Scone Cup carnival in the Thoroughbred capital of Australia, with Saturday carrying the features like the Luskin Star and the Group 3 Dark Jewel Classic.

Flemington has the Andrew Ramsden Stakes (Which was run over 3200m until 2018), the first of the ballot exemption races for the Melbourne Cup in November, so expect absolutely none of these horses to feature in the placings come November 7.

The Queensland Winter carnival ignites with the Group 1 Doomben 10,000 meeting, and apparently all Giga Kick has to do is turn up to Doomben to collect his Group 1 victory, although it is Queensland so he’ll probably go to Eagle Farm instead.

Week 3 of the Morphetville Carnival sees the running of the time-honoured South Australian Derby, the race that gave Bart Cummings his maiden Group 1 win (Or the equivalent of) back in 1958 with Stormy Passage.

And it’s the first Saturday at Belmont for this year, featuring the Group 3 Belmont Sprint, not that anyone gives a crap.

Moving on to your feature Crazy Craig presentation, and the stark-raving lunatic surpassed his low expectations with flying colours last Saturday, as Kin ran 2nd at Gosford, Seven Veils ran 3rd in the Tobin Bronze at 12/1 and $3.30 the place, and Fear The Wind went on to get smashed into tomato sauce odds and win the penultimate race at Ascot, so he’s gone home a big winner, thanks in part to the Good Luck Charm that is Elvis Aaron Presley!

P(r)ick No.1: Just A Jedi (No.17, Barrier 2) E/W in Race 6 at Scone (SR6), 2pm AEST

1700m BM78 Handicap Scone RSL

Trainers: Gerald Ryan & Sterling Alexiou, Jockey: Jason Collett, 56.5kg

Hello hello everyone it’s Crazy Craig TBFB, still the Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, and once again coming in a WINNER after my left field selections went and gave their rivals a wet slap with a dead tuna!

Seven Veils landing a place at $3.40, as good as backing a reasonably priced-favourite!

How crazy is that!

Anyway, I’m starting out at Scone this Saturday, and I’m being very very brave with my selection in thoroughbred heaven, because my selection is currently the first emergency…

This is where you ask, ‘But Crazy Craig, why would you pick the first emergency when he’s not guaranteed a start, you complete meathead?’

Why?

BECAUSE I’M A STARK-RAVING LUNATIC!

Anyway, there’s nothing big about my pick, except he’s Just A Jedi, so the force will be with him, always.

P(r)ick No.2: White Marlin (No.10, Barrier 10) in Race 7 at Flemington (MR7), 3:30pm AEST

2800m Listed Andrew Ramsden

Trainer: Gai Waterhouse & Adrian Bott, Jockey: Jordan Childs, 58.5kg

Beaten $1.22 as an unbeaten favourite last start, but there will be no White Flag above White Marlin’s door!

But I will go down with this ship
And I won’t put my hands up and surrender
There will be no White Marlin above my door
I’m in love and always will be!

P(r)ick No.3: Hellfest (No.9, Barrier 12) E/W in Race 9 at Doomben (BR9), 4:38pm AEST

1110m Listed Quality Fillies & Mares Magic Millions Bright Shadow

Trainer: James Cummings, Jockey: Tim Clark, 54kg

Hellfest, it sounds like a convention for Satanists, but he’s good value for the last at Doomben based purely on nothing more than trial form!

I won’t take no prisoners, won’t spare no lives
Nobody’s putting up a fight
I got my bell, I’m gonna take you to hell
I’m gonna get ya, Satan get ya

HELLFEST!
HELLFEST, you got me ringing
HELLFEST my temperature’s high
HELLFEST!

Enjoy your Saturday folks, stay safe, stay negative, GAMBLE WITHIN REASON, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!