Hello friends, this morning Crazy Craig, Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, sent a jumbled email notifying myself and my Spanish contact Mr Alfonse, that in protest against the unsportsmanlike behaviour of the English fans, plus the Australian and English cricket teams and their damage to the spirit of the game during The Ashes, he will not be providing any tips this week…

And that Stuart Broad and Ben Stokes can go and wash the dishes.

I had to reply and ask Craig why he was protesting against a pair of cricket teams, when everything he does for this website is based on horses, but Craig insisted that even the horses were against the spirit of the game, for not calling Jonny Bairstow back to his crease.

In conclusion, Craig has also said he won’t be having a beer with Brendon McCullum, which has nothing to do with Brendon’s comments after the Lord’s Test, it’s just Craig doesn’t want to waste a good beer on a Kiwi.

Now, in all seriousness, Craig did also write that himself and Crazy Colin saw the fields for this week’s races, realised how absolutely boring Saturday was going to be, and promptly decided that in this relative dead period of Australian racing, to go from one side of Victoria to the other to meet their French mate Geoffrei in Shepparton, who they were supposed to meet several years ago for a 25th anniversary Golden Slipper meeting, only for Craig to throw his phone in the Mitchell River and go off the grid.

The other positive about not spending another weekend in Bairnsdale is that Crazy Colin isn’t banned from the Shepparton bottleshop, and he can attend the local bowling club without requiring Crazy Craig, which means he’s free to walk into the kitchen and make his own hamburger when he gets hungry, because he’s hungry and he’s a lunatic.

Well, I guess we’ll find out how it all went next Friday.