Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

Well friends, as Melbourne and Adelaide get smashed by a snap heatwave, we have the annual edition of the Australia/Invasion Day long weekend, which has already begun with the Australia Stakes moving from Moonee Valley to Pakenham on Friday night, and the Saturday slate includes the Group 3 Manfred Stakes at Caulfield, the Listed Sunshine Coast Cup at Corbould Park, the Carlington Stakes at Randwick, and the Scenic Blast Stakes at Ascot, named after the Royal Ascot winner and 2009 Racehorse of the Year.

Of course, another momentous event in Australia occurred on January 26…

Allan Border, in the same match that he became the first Australian to play in 100 Test Matches, took 7/46 against the West Indies in 1989, on his way to 11 wickets for 96 runs for the match, which is still the record for the best match figures by an Australian Test captain… yes, not even Pat Cummins has taken 11 wickets as captain.

Another random note, that was Mark Taylor’s Test debut as well.

So it’s on to Crazy Craig, and what a good week it was last week – SAINT GEORGE, the first winner of 2026 for our resident madman!

The Sir Tom Jones Pick: Sounds Unusual (No.6, Barrier 6) in Race 5 at Randwick (SR5), 2:55pm AEDT

2000m BM88 Chandon Handicap

Trainer: Chris Waller, Jockey: Zac Lloyd, 54kg

Hello hello everybody it’s Crazy Craig, TBFB, recrowned Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, and what a great SAINT George was… he killed the dragon, started up a bank, sponsored the St George Dragons, and he even got me a winner at Flemington!

$3.20 into a $2.35 favourite, like shooting fish in a barrel I tell you!

Anyway, we might have to AVOID Caulfield on Saturday, because I fear it might be going the same way as Morphetville in the heated out stakes, so we’ll start off with Sydney by trying to pull off the same bullshit concept as last week, by taking the second favourite to beat the favourite, and on that note I’ve thrown my undies off already, not because it’s getting bloody warm in Victoria…

But because it’s time for a musical tribute from SIR TOM JONES!

I went and saw the Doctor the other day, and he told me I suffered from Tom Jones Syndrome.

I asked him if it was common disorder…

He replied, “It’s Not Unusual.”

The Mark Morrison Pick: Return of the Mach (No.11, Barrier 12) E/W in Race 7 at Ascot (PR7), 4:59pm AWST

1200m Quayclean Handicap

Trainer: Adam Durrant, Jockey: Lucy Fiore, 55kg

Over to Ascot we go for a visit to my old mate Mr Alfonse, and we’ve somehow got a horse named after the song that was written while Mark Morrison was imprisoned in Welford Road Prison, went to No.1 in the UK in April 1996, then hit No.2 in the US while Morrison was incarcerated again…. THE RETURN OF THE MACK, I mean MACH!

Of course, it’s also the theme song for people returning unreliable MacBooks to the Apple Store.

Enjoy your Saturday folks, STAY COOL, stay safe, stay negative, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!