““And so after another epic year-long journey, which saw them ravaged by the Orange Men of Western Sydney with their 14 goal quarters, the Blue men of Lygon Street and their Messiah Fraser, and the Heathens of the Harbour City minus their sinners of the Pullman, Lord Fagan’s disciples overcame the Hawk men of Dingley and their bottle throwing scoundrels to reach another Grand Final at the grand oval in Jolimont, in which they did battle with the Wharfies of the Port City to the West, wearing their tabards of purple, matched against the Faganists in their unique Lion tabards of Fitzroy Red…

“And as the Wharfies held a seemingly insurmountable lead with 4 minutes remaining as the Prancing Pony did score yet another major, they deployed their Hells Bells of Wharfie Time to sound for a historic September victory, at which point Lord Fagan did deploy his UNO reverse card on Longmuir the Dimwitted, and the Faganists sprang their trap and proceeded to humiliate the Wharfies in their own time, kicking 4 goals to no score to sound for their own historic victory, and just as the humble moustached prophet Lethal Leigh had done one score and three years earlier, Lord Fagan had led the Lions to the premiership thrice over.”

“And while the Wharfies were mocked the world over, realising their Wharfie Time had no power east of Eucla, the legendary disciple Black of East Fremantle presented the Faganists the cup struck with silver and gold, and Lord Fagan saw all that he had made, and once again, it was very good.”

Praise be to Fagan.

If that is the last time Chris Fagan coaches an AFL game, what a hell of a legacy he’ll leave at the Lions – Wooden spooners in 2017, a forgotten club whose last glory was in the early 2000s, to 9 years later becoming the 7th team in VFL/AFL history to complete a Threepeat, matching the 2001-03 Lions, and cementing themselves as the undisputed most successful club of the 21st Century.