Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

Ladies and gentlemen, the greatest weekend of Australian sport every year…

The NRL Prelim on Friday night, the AFL Grand Final in the feature event of Saturday, the Golden Rose in which the winner gets their silks on the winners’ post at Rosehill, the Toowoomba Cup gets prime time on Saturday night, then Sunday has the relocated Manikato Stakes meeting at Caulfield, the Panthers vs Knights Preliminary Final, the Wallabies vs the Springboks in Perth in the evening…

So naturally you can expect the biggest winner this weekend will be Tabcorp’s share price.

Of course, I will note that this report had a few weeks off, which was spontaneous on Crazy Craig’s part as he first went over to Perth to watch the Geelong-Fremantle Semi Final with Crazy Colin (I believe he told several Cats players to go and wash the dishes), then he was travelling again last weekend as he went into town to watch the rather memorable Preliminary Final between Hawthorn and Brisbane, after which Craig and Colin decided to drink their beer cans instead of throwing them at the umpires, then they had an ‘Ale with the Whale’ at Brian Roberts’ former pub Young and Jacksons…

Which turned out to be a great move missing last Saturday’s racing, because what happened at Caulfield last Saturday was an absolute joke.

First of all there was that unsafe track that the jockeys pointed out straight away when they picked up chunks of the track at the 350m with their own hands, then there was moving the rail from the 7m to the 11m, mere hours before the opening race, completely throwing out a heap of form guides, then the MRC conducts their own review, claims it was incorrect to move the rail and basically shits on the jockeys by claiming they didn’t know how turf plugs worked, then Racing Victoria released their own statement and backed the jockeys and RV stewards..

The bigger problem was who the hell was inspecting the track the day before the races… NOBODY.

All great signs for the Manikato meeting on Sunday afternoon.

Anyway, here’s Crazy Craig to help you forget what happened, with assistance from Cliff Richard:

Sounds like a Muppets song pick: Omolong (No.3, Barrier 5) in Race 6 at Rosehill (SR6), 2:50pm AEST

1100m Group 3 3YO SW+P Grant Burge Heritage Stakes

Trainer: Chris Waller, Jockey: James McDonald, 56kg

Hello hello everybody it’s Crazy Craig TBFB, Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, Happy Grand Final day to you all, COULD THIS BE THE DAY THE PREMIERSHIP DOCKS IN FREMANTLE…

And I do apologise for going missing in the middle of the Spring Carnival, which is something that several top jockeys have done in their lifetimes, but ultimately life got in the way of the racing and I got the offer of tickets to a few AFL Finals from Crazy Colin, and my word we bloody well took them, and I don’t regret it one bloody bit because they were some of the best finals you’d ever see!

Sure, the people of Bairnsdale have gone weeks without scratchies after I stranded them on the roadside, but that’s a problem that will be rectified down the road, and after seeing how shit Caulfield was last week, we probably would’ve gone broke betting on that dungheap!

Anyway, time for some picks, and first up at Rosehill I’m dodging the quaddie legs due to too many short-priced favourites and a complete lack of trust, so instead I’ll be going against a short-priced favourite in Race 6, and taking the second favourite who sounds like something The Muppets used to sing about…

Omolong

Do doo do doo doo!

Omolong

Do doo doo do!

Omolong

Do doo de-do-do de-do-do de-do-do de-do-do-doodle do do do-doo do!

Grand Final Day Pike in the Last Special at Belmont: Streak of God (No.3, Barrier 2) in Race 8 at Belmont (PR8), 5:20pm AWST

1400m Graduation Handicap 60+ Rating Handicap

Trainer: Grant & Alana Williams, Jockey: William Pike, 58kg

Regardless of the result at the MCG on Saturday afternoon, Fremantle will be enduring the worst riot seen in the city since the Fremantle Prison riot of 1988, which will finally give the Esplanade a much-needed facelift, so while that’s going on, the eyes of the nation will be on BELMONT, watching one man…

GET IT DONE, SIR WILLIAM.

Group 1 shot at the stumps in the Golden Rose: Tron Bolt (No.3, Barrier 11) E/W

Enjoy your GRAND FINAL DAY folks, stay safe, stay negative, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!