Horse Racing

The Chalk Eaters Guide: 27th July

The Inaugural Cummings Family Death Match in Race 1 at Rosehill: Anthony vs Edward vs James!

90 cents a beer in Vietnam according to Gaz- Get me there now!

What a wild week we’ve had- Beloved 1992 Melbourne Cup winner Subzero is hanging on to his life by his tail hairs after a bout of colic, Nash Rawiller has officially had his Triad-enforced suspension ended, and Murray Bridge was re-opened and promptly re-named McEvoy Bridge, after Tony trained 6/8 winners on Wednesday.

Of course this weekend is the last Saturday of the current season before the horses have their birthdays, and the big races are back- The Group 3 Bletchingly at The Heath, the Winter Challenge at Rosehill, the Lightning at Morphetville, and the Townsville Cup, featuring the ageless wonder himself, Robert Thompson!

True Fact: RT has been riding for longer than roughly 75.33% of the current population of Australia has been alive.


Can’t Be Done (No.1, Barrier 1) in Race 1 at Caulfield, 11:55pm AEST

1400m 2YO Set Weights & Penalties

Trainer: Danny O’Brien, Hoop: Jamie Mott, 59kg

It’s currently a Soft 5 at The Heath, and with Melbourne’s usual bipolar weather bearing down, I’d expect that rating to be worse tomorrow morning.

Can’t Be Done debuted back in May, and hasn’t finished worse than second in his four starts to date, winning at Sandown (Beating subsequent winner King of Hastings) in June before having a month off, and returning with a 2nd at Caulfield a fortnight ago.

Based on his four starts (All of which have been with Jamie Mott aboard), the only thing Can’t Be Done can’t do is win at The Heath- 2 visits for a pair of runner-up finishes, most recently behind Star Surprise, although they did but bullet holes in the rest of the field.

I’ll stick with him to follow his consistent swapping of 1st and 2nds, although the big knock is is the jump up to 1400m, and to be honest, I’m surprised Crazy Craig didn’t include him as his Lay Of The Day, based on that fact alone.

Number 1, Barrier 1 in Race 1- It’s a Triple Nelson!


River Bird (No.5, Barrier 4) in Race 4 at Rosehill, 1:25pm AEST

1350m Benchmark 88 Handicap

Trainer: Jason Coyle, Hoop: Kathy O’Hara, 55kg

It took River Bird 11 starts to break her maiden back in May, but she’s followed that up with a Rosehill hat-trick (4/5 this prep), including coming from nowhere at the 200 to win a fortnight ago.

In hindsight, we should’ve expected a River Bird to sprout wings.

In the spirit of the weirdos from Star Trek, River Bird’s last start as a filly will see her go where she hasn’t gone before, and that’s beyond 1200m, which does present several question marks, although based on her performances of late, it shouldn’t be a problem.

The ideal scenario is that O’Hara can somehow land River Bird in the classic trotting 1-1, although that might be a tall order with the filly missing the jump at times, and assuming she’s fine with the distance, I think my acquaintance The Gabster will be screaming out “You f***ing beauty!” in the Waterford TAB.


Essential Spice (No.4, Barrier 4) in Race 3 at Belmont, 2:08pm AWST (4:08pm)

1000m 62+ Rating Peter Griffin Birthday Handicap

Trainers: Dan & Ben Pearce, Hoop: The Wizard, 56.5kg

The Peter Griffin Handicap eh… I wonder if this horse will be in it.

I’m still unsure if Essential Spice is related to any of Posh Spice, Baby Spice, Ginger Spice, Scary Spice, or Old Spice.

Although if you combined the numbers, all of the Spices have a combined 1 win in their racing careers.

Yes, Essential Spice’s career record isn’t that of a winner- 10;1-5-1, although that one win was at the dreaded 1000m, and of late, she’s pushed the well-rated Samizdat twice, before she battled on for 4th while sitting on a strong speed.

She’s crying out for a win, and so either one of Dan or Ben Pearce have requested the services of The Wizard, fresh off breaking his Chalk Eaters duck, to get the job done by any means necessary.

If she doesn’t win, I’ll just say non-winners don’t win.


Free Trade (No.5, Barrier 9) in Race 5 at Belmont, 3:20pm AWST (5:20pm)

1200m 64+ Rating Handicap

Trainer: Michael Lane, Hoop: Chris Parnham, 58.5kg

Free Trade is a very half-decent horse in the lower grades for the Baron of Bunbury Michael Lane, managing to finish at least 2nd in all 6 starts (Winning 3), all the while alternating between Kyra Yuill and Chris Parnham, with Chris set to take the reins after being in Melbourne last time around.

He’s appeared twice in 70+ rating races of late, and both times he was on course to win, before being wrangled on both occasions by a half decent Uncle Bob horse in Stageman and The Wizard, but most importantly, Free Trade was far from disgraced.

This time around he drops back to a 64 rating race, the blinkers go on for the first time and he reunites with Parnham.

He could roll to the lead, he could sit pissing into the breeze- Either way, he’s got enough talent to be right there at the death.


Crazy Craig’s Tip Of The Day


LAYING Ilwendo (No.6) in Race 5 at Rosehill, 2pm AEST

2400m Benchmark 78 Handicap

Trainer: Matthew Smith, Jockey: Tim Clark

G’day folks, it’s your deranged mate Crazy Craig the BFB, back for another Saturday to take down some flying horse at the peak of their powers!

Now I haven’t taken my usual squiz at the Microsoft this time around, because yesterday I met my reliable mate Crazy Colin for reasons that I can’t disclose, and he told me about this would-be superstar Hun import for Matty Smith!

This fella went up to the Sunshine State 3 weeks ago and drifted big time at Doomben, but Queensland racing is as bent as a dog’s hind leg, so he demolished that sorry lot by 5 lengths over 2000m!

How crazy is that! 5 lengths!

But as a result of that, the 5YO with upside comes back for this Saturday race, goes up to 2400m, and starts a $2.40 favourite (As I write this) against the likes of Our Candidate, Kaapfever and Fuji Fury, who have all won at the 12 furlongs!

Ilwendo’s only visit to the 2400- A 3rd placing!

Craaaaaaazy business if you ask a crazy fool like me!

Anyway, I’ll skip the usual boring explanation and just simply declare, that ILWENDO, for next to reason at all, is my final LAY. OF. THE. DAY for season 2018/19!

I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!


So there you have it- Ilwendo to win.

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