Horse Racing

The Chalk Eaters Guide: 31st August


Stop asking bloody questions about who dresses Big Gaz- It’s quite obviously Gazman.

Pretty horrific news about the death of Mikaela Claridge at Cranbourne this morning… it’s just another sad reminder that being a jockey is the most dangerous profession on land.

Trying to move on, and the Melbourne Spring Carnival reaaaaaaly kicks off with a big card at The Heath, headed by the Group 1 Memsie Stakes, at Rosehill, The Premier’s Cup and San Domenico card has been turned into a bog due to the Sydney rains (So expect your money to be washed away as well), there’s the Penny Edition Stakes at Morphetville, and the Belmont card is led by the Idyllic Prince, one of those rare WFA Listed races.

After scoring 3 wins and a 2nd last week, I can’t wait for the inevitable comedown from that ripper of a high.

My Pendant (No.4, Barrier 8) in Race 3 at Caulfield, 1:35pm AEST

1400m Mares Handicap

Trainer: Danny O’Brien, Hoop: Damien Oliver, 54kg

My Pendant?

Whose pendant?

Your pendant?

It sure as hell ain’t My Pendant.

Dodgy Danny and Dodgy Damien team up again for another big effort with My Pendant, who chased home Sylvia’s Mother (Who goes around in Race 7) and then won last start at Flemington, charging home in the slop to nail Special Diva right on the post, despite his father and his mother not being noted mudders.

That was on a Heavy track, and she gets the firmer ground here, 3rd Up, which suggests she’ll go mighty close again… Unless Olly’s backed another runner… again.

Vega Magic (No.4, Barrier 1) in Race 6 at Caulfield, 3:30pm AEST

1100m SW&P Group 3 MRC Everest Series Heath 1100 Stakes

Trainer: Team Hayes, Hoop: Damien Oliver, 57kg

Olly riding a crapload of favourites…. What year is it, 2001?

That said, I think that also coincided with the period where Vega Magic was one of the best sprinters in the country.

Ever since that inaugural Everest, he’s followed a familiar pattern- Disappears for months, comes back and has a big show in a trial, and then does absolutely nothing on rain affected ground.

Vega and my dog have one thing in common- They’re both shit scared of water.

Anyway, based on his recent Flemington trial, he’s ready to set off a few sparkler bombs 1st Up, and it’s worth noting this key piece of information.

Vega Magic carries a rating of 113.

He’s carrying 57 kilos.

Ball Of Muscle carries a rating of 112.

He’s carrying 59 kilos.

He’s also got Barrier 1, whereas the Ball has Barrier 8.

Let’s see if there’s still some Vega Magic left, or if he’s just Vega Crap.

Alizee (No.11, Barrier 11) in Race 8 at Caulfield, 4:50pm AEST

1400m WFA Group 1 Memsie Stakes

Trainer: James Cummings, Hoop: D.Oliver, 57kg

The last time I picked Alizee in a Group 1 at The Heath was back in February in the Futurity.

It worked out all right.

This is the first Group 1 of the Melbourne Spring, and we’re faced with the utterly weird sight of Olly riding in the Sheikh’s royal blue, which is more unusual than seeing Brisbane champion Luke Hodge wearing a Hawthorn guernsey.

Or Sam Mitchell wearing a Hawthorn guernsey.

Or Gary Ablett Senior wearing a Hawthorn guernsey.

Anyway, Godolphin’s leading mare did exactly what she had to do 1st Up in the Missile at Rosehill, sitting last in the small field before settling down and cruising to the lead, and she probably would’ve won by more, had Hugh Bowman not developed a sudden case of Rigor mortis and eased her down at the 100 to win by a half length.

Still, it’s gonna be a brutal edition of the Memsie, with the likes of Scales Of Justice coming back from being laughably beaten in Adelaide, Beegood Toya Mother getting smacked in the WFA scale, Humidor defending his 2018 win, and look at So Si Bon, just sitting there drinking milk in the corner, as if he were racing’s answer to Forrest Gump.

While I’m at it, just watch Hartnell run a place again.

That old bugger just keeps on showing up.

Zaratite (No.2, Barrier 13) in Race 7 at Belmont, 3:55pm AWST (5:55pm)

2200m 64+ 2019 Apprentices Cup

Trainer: Grant & Alana Williams, Hoop: Brodie Kirby (a2), 59kg

The latest edition in the epic war to determine the least spuddy apprentice in WA, and as per usual, I am on the side of The Kirbster, probably because I re-dedicated an entire page on this website to him several months back.

Why Kirbs you ask?

I can’t remember, but he’s got a good chance here to remind me why.

Zaratite may sound like a strange German drug, but it appears to be one that brings about constant bouts of winning.

He’s been working through the grades in the best way possible, racking up 4 wins and 2 runner-up finishes from 7 starts, and the picket fence sits at 3 in a row, as he goes up to 2200 for the first time on a Soft track.

He stays in 64 grade here, Kirby takes over from Pike, and thanks to the claim, he actually drops a kilo on that win a fortnight ago.

Of course, the trade-off is that basically every horse will be ridden at featherweights, due to apprentice claims being traded around like STDs in Northbridge.

Still, come on Brodes, bring this little bastard home!

Crazy Craig’s Tip Of The Day

LAYING Age Of Chivalry (No.18, Barrier 13) in Race 9 at Caulfield, 5:25pm AEST

1400m Handicap

Trainer: Ellerton & Zahra, Jockey: Damian Lane, 54kg

G’day cobbers, it’s Crazy bloody Craig, the Boy From Bairnsdale, and I’m peaking like a broken flood levee at the moment, because the Spring Carnival is well and truly here!

As you can probably tell, I’m putting the foot on the gas in the Crazymobile, and blasting straight down to The Heath on Saturday, because I’ve found this thing in the last that screams “Crazy Craig Victim Material!”.

Age of Chivalry did win very impressively last start, BUT, that was merely a Benchmark 84- This is an open handicap!

Plus, he’s jumping from Barrier 13!

How crazy is that!

Unless one of his 14 trainers straps a rocket to his back, then he’s going to be spending the race covering more ground than Burke, Wills, Dick Smith and Robert Falcon Scott put together!

Anyway, I’m crazy enough to predict that the wide gate, not the jump in grade, will bring an end to the Age Of Chivalry, and herald the age of CRAZINESS, because he is my LAY. OF. THE. DAY.

I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why ‘they’ call me Craaaaaaaazy Craig!



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