Horse Racing

The Chalk Eaters Guide: 28th-29th September

Somehow I’m still not broke after backing all these failed favourites

Gav and Gaz- On the road to the Kosciuszko

Kementari’s stud career is over after being caught shooting blanks… Like his racing career after he turned 4.

Ladies and gents, this weekend is undoubtedly a sporting holiday which could be best equated to Festivus for Australian sporting fantasizers like yours truly.

It kicks off with the Moir meeting at Death Valley (Which I want no part of, being at Death Valley), running concurrently with the Green Machine vs the Bunnies, tomorrow of course is Grand Final Day, with the Golden Rose at Rosehill, finishing off with Easts vs Melbourne, and being rounded off with the Underwood meeting at Caulfield on Sunday.

As a result, I’ve had to expand the Chalk Eaters to two days….. I really am bored.

Other than that, it’s the last meeting of the year at Belmont with the Birthday Stakes, the Longreach Cup… and there’s the Ansett Cup at Mornington.

I hope the North Koreans do us all a favour for a change and launch a rocket at that shitheap.

Regardless, it’s time to find a few Most Likely To Win Of The Day (MLTWOTD) candidates, who will all inevitably lose.

Gem Song (No.3, Barrier 6) in Race 4 at Rosehill, 2:15pm AEST

1500m Group 2 Shannon Stakes

Trainer: Kris Lees, Hoop: Brenton Avdulla, 56.5kg

For a region known for it’s coal, one of the most promising exports out of the Hunter this spring could be a Gem.

See what I did there?

He sat last and came home with the fastest last 800m of the race to run 3rd in the Theo Marks behind a certain Arcadia Queen, who for all we know, is actually good, because she’s headed straight to The Everest, and also behind repeated group placegetter(erer) Trope.

He’s second up tomorrow, going to the 1500m in a relatively small field… Get it done for us (Especially me) Brenton, especially after your efforts on God of Thunder.

Bunker Buster (No.2, Barrier 7) in Race 4 at Belmont, 2:10pm AWST (4:10pm AWST)

2100m Vale Bruce Buggins Handicap

Trainer: Adam Durrant, Hoop: Jade McNaught (a2) 58kg (After Claim)

The moment I found out Next Stop The Moon had been scratched this morning, I knew this race would as much flavour as a piece of gum that had already been chewed.

Christ almighty, what a dull staying test.

As a result of the scratching, Bunker Buster has been slapped in to $1.80, ahead of the Durrant stablemate At The Ready, but the main threat looks to be Uncle Lino, who will probably lead and give a sight, before (hopefully) Bunker Buster busts his bunker and wins with a good turn of foot.

Apparently if all goes well on Saturday, he’s off to the Goldfields for the Kalgoorlie Cup next weekend.

So now that I’ve given him the kiss of death, he won’t be.

Dalasan (No.3, Barrier 4) in Race 5 at Caulfield, Sunday, 3pm AEST

1400m Group 3 Caulfield Guineas Prelude

Trainer(s): Leon Macdonald and that other Gluyas, Hoop: Raquel Clark, 57kg

Saddlecloth 3, Barrier 4, in Race 5.


At the moment it’s looking like a battle between the Croweaters and the Banana Benders in the Guineas Prelude, with Leon Macdonald’s Dalasan crossing from West of Horsham, and David Vandyke’s unbeaten Alligator Blood venturing down from Queensland.

I’m pretty sure I backed Alligator Blood on Australia Day…. which was probably my only successful 2YO bet last season.

Dalasan definitely has something under the hood, having defeated Scales of Justice prior to him winning the G1 Memsie (Thanks to a weight advantage), and then backed that up by winning again in the Danehill up the straight at Flemington.

Funnily enough, Dalasan’s only defeat in 5 starts was at 1400m in the VRC Sires back in March, when he hung out in the straight, belted Hawker Hurricane, and ultimately had the same fate that many 2YOs suffered last year- Beaten by a Godolphin runner, in that case, La Tene.

Also, that was the only time Raquel Clark hasn’t been aboard in his career, and of course, she’s welded on tomorrow.

Dalasan might just win, but we’ll probably find out more about ‘Gator Blood and if he’s a tad better than belting other horses in Class 6s on the Sunny Coast on a Sunday.

Homesman (No.8, Barrier 13) in Race 7 at Caulfield, Sunday, 4pm AEST

1800m WFA Group 1 Underwood Stakes

Trainer: Liam Howley Lloyd Williams, Hoop: Ben Melham, 59kg

Saddlecloth number 8.

There’s the incentive my acquaintance The Gabster needs to back Homesman.

Homesman won the Underwood last year, and then finished 2nd in the Caulfield Cup, and he returned a couple of weeks ago in the Feehan Stakes at Death Valley, and won very handsomely, confirming his spot in the Cox Plate, which it appears another Macedon madman in Lloyd Williams will be targeting.

I wonder if Lloyd and Crazy Craig ever get together and engage in a battle wits.

He comes up against everyone’s least-favourite long shot winner since Greece won Euro 2004 in the form of Makybe Diva winner Gatting, and everyone’s favourite tough old bugger in Hartnell, set to run another drum.

History is against Homesman though, as the last horse to successfuly defend the Underwood was none other than my all-time favourite Northerly in 2001-02.

Then again, with a second-up record of 2 wins from 3 starts, Homesman looks a very good chance of at least getting within touching distance of defending his title… then again, I said the same thing about Black Heart Bart in 2017, and he promptly farted out an egg.

Of course, if he does lose, Lloyd will hop on the blower to RSN and say he needed another run.

Crazy Craig’s Tip of the Day

Because a Crazy Australian deserves a Crazy song by an Australian

LAYING Zoustyle (No.9, Barrier 4) in Race 8 at Caulfield, Sunday, 4:30pm AEST

1200m Listed Handicap Testa Rossa Stakes

Trainer: Tony Gollan, Jockey: Brett Prebble, 54.5kg

G’day kiddies, it’s your favourite weirdo Crazy Craig, the Boy From Bairnsdale, with you for this GRAND FINAL weekend of piss-ups, footy and racing, and if you can’t get PUMPED for the GRAND FINAL, I’m going to assume you’re one of those New South Welshpersons who don’t even know about GWS!

Not knowing about the Giants being in a Grand Final is CRAAZY!

Anyway, JT notified me that we were on for Sunday, so I was straight on the phone to Crazy Colin up at the sales in Euchca, and he’s hit me up with another of his crazy lays, this time, it’s Derek Zoustyle from Queensland, with his Blue Steel look!

He was 5/5 up there in the Sunshine State (Life’s great up there, so the song goes), but as soon as he set foot in Sydney for the Concorde at Randwick, finished dead last in the small field against my prime target Redzel, and he deadset looked like a Cessna against a Concorde!

How crazy is that! You kids probably don’t even remember what either of those things are!

Now he comes down to the mighty rolling greens of The Heath for a seemingly easier race, but instead, he’s up against some handy ones like Special Reward from West of Australia, Godolphin’s Haunted, and the Snowden duo of Military Zone and Brave Song, who both wear Redzel’s Triple Crown silks!

Based on that information, he’s probably be psyched out into thinking he’s going to get blown away again, so you know what- Without any further detail, I’m going to LAY Zoustyle, Crazy Craig Style!

I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaazy Craig!


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