Horse Racing

The Chalk Eaters Guide: 12th October

Shocking scenes this week…. Gary Harley has been caught red-handed in Vacuumgate!


Forget about Darren Weir, Jarrod McLean and their band of mudflaps getting set for a trip to Barwon, that might just be the most shocking thing you see all week.

That’s right- He’s holding something that sucks more than this weekly guide

And as we look ahead to Saturday, the flies will come flocking to the smelly mound of turd that is Caulfield Guineas day to kick off the Caulfield Cup Carnival, with 4 Group Ones (Guineas, 1000 Guineas, Caulfield Stakes & the Toorak) plus the Schillaci for a one way ticket to The Everest, and there’s the Spring Champion at Randwick with the inaugural running of the Silver Eagle.

And apparently, Ascot is back… and so is the Pontiff.

Loving Gaby (No.2, Barrier 9) in Race 3 at Caulfield, 1:25pm AEDT

1200m Fillies SWP Thoroughbred Club Stakes

Trainers: Maher and Useless, Hoop: Damien Lane, 57kg

Ah, Loving Gaby, the filly they supposedly named after Waterford TAB cult figure ‘The Gabster’.

If you aren’t aware of who ‘The Gabtser’ is, here’s a rough guide of what he looks like, most likely blaming the ‘People of Far Eastern extraction’ for not being able to back a winner.

His identity must be kept secret for legal reasons.

Loving Gaby was superb first-up in the Scarborough at Death Valley, getting caught wide the whole way, and yet Frosty Lane was able to keep the momentum going on the turn and pull off the improbable, coming from off speed to win at that hellhole, beating the very good Exhilirates.

More people have walked on the moon than have been able to come from off the speed at Death Valley.

Of course, she does have history at Caulfield, winning the G3 Chairman’s on debut, and then running an interrupted 6th in the Blue Diamond, before she ventured north and ran a number of minor placings in the juvenile G1s in Sydney.

She now comes up against California Zimbol, who once appeared in this guide back in June, and promptly let everyone down by running 2nd in Brisbane.

You just know that perfect storm will occur, and I’ll be left reeling and crying in the shower on Saturday night.

Flit (No.3, Barrier 2) in Race 6 at Caulfield, 3:30pm AEDT

1600m SW Group 1 Thousand Guineas

Trainer: James Cummings, Hoop: Hugh Bowman

I backed Flit in the Prelude a fortnight ago, and all I can say without any sort of hyperbole whatsoever, is that Hughie produced quite possibly the most impressive 9th placing in the modern history of Australian racing.

I lost count of how many arses he ran up that day, but let’s just say John Hopoate stood up and took notice.

Flit seems to be a consensus pick to win the Thousand Guineas based on that run, and given the point of this guide is to be as yellow-bellied as possible, who am I to disagree.

She’s got the low draw, a supposedly desperate to atone Bowman on aboard…

Yep, you just know Lyre will win, and Flit will once again leave you questioning your sanity.

The Inevitable (No.3, Barrier 4) in Race 8 at Randwick, 5:30pm AEDT

1300m 4YO Silver Eagle

Trainer: Scott Brunton, Hoop: Nash Rawiller, 57kg

Inevitable eh…..

This is a bizzaro world- Up is down, black is white, Dave Warner is scoring centuries and Steve Smith is scoring ducks, and Tasmanians are starting favourites for races in Sydney.

It’s the first running of the Silver Eagle, and at this stage, it’s Scotty Brunton’s The Inevitable starting favourite against the Sydney stragglers, based on his 7 wins from 9 starts, and his recent superb wins down south- Down the straight at Flemington on Heavy going (Beating the shortie Assertive Approach), and then going to Death Valley on Feehan day to race in the Bendigo Bank, were he started slowly, settled at the back, and pulled up with sore legs.

Because he flew down the outside, and delivered 4 length arse-kicking to that sorry excuse of a field.

It’s a very good field (Mizzy has won 3 straight, Buffalo River is 3/3 in Aus, and Military Zone can fly) befitting of such a unique lead-up to the Golden Eagle, but Nash Rawiller has come back flying after avoiding being ridden at 55 kilos in a Hong Kong prison, so with an ounce of luck, victory shall be inevitable… for The Inevitable.

Although let’s be honest- The only thing inevitable is him not winning.

The Velvet King (No.3, Barrier 8) in Race 6 at Ascot, 3:35pm AWST

1400m 78+ Rating Handicap

Trainer: Darren McAuliffe, Hoop: Mitch Pateman, 59kg

The Velvet King is the King of the Velvet.

Matthew Lloyd was the Velvet Sledgehammer.

Alannah Myles sang about Black Velvet.

What on earth any of this has to do with a horse race at Ascot on Saturday afternoon, is the word Velvet.

The Velvet King was one the better 3YOs in WA last season that somehow isn’t now in the care of Chris Waller, winning a pair of listed races last spring, and then winning a few more at Belmont a few months ago, before Darren McAuliffe sent him for a spell, and instead focused on Gatting’s successful mission at exposing Melbourne’s pathetic WFA stocks.

Based on a solid trial win, Velvet King looks set to go 1st Up, and with a clean jump from Mitchy Pateman, he should hopefully grab the lead and control the race from Alpha Sky (Who is a superb Ascot horse), while most mugs who do their arses at Caulfield will be on Pike’s mount Forceful, who will probably be the beneficiary of some bullshit magic from the Wizard.

A ringing endorsement from yours truly towards the Velvet King, but I’m really struggling to care.

Crazy Craig’s Tip Of The Day

They think that he’s Craaaazy!

LAYING Alligator Blood (No.3) in the Caulfield Guineas, 4:30pm AEDT

Trainer: David Vandyke, Jockey: Ryan Maloney

Guess what knackers- Your old mate Crazy Craig is BACK!

I can’t disclose why I wasn’t here last week, but let’s say my weird mate Crazy Colin, who stole a bottle from the bottle shop because he was thirsty, wasn’t too far off!

I’ve taken a quick look at the big race of the day, the time honoured Caulfield Guineas, and taken an instant dislike to the Queensland visitor Alligator Blood, who may look like a huge chance of making it 6 wins from 6 starts based on his win in the Prelude- NOT TO ME!

But what’s that you ask- Why are you taking on an unbeaten horse Craig?

Why! Because i’m Craaaazy!

While everyone is going on about Dalasan’s horror draw, I’m looking and seeing that Alligator Blood is starting now from Barrier 12!

That’s not good either!

I’m thinking that the wide gate and the 1600 are going to mean this Gator will be wishing he’d stayed in Australia’s answer to Florida!

And for that matter, I think Dalasan won’t be winning, and instead be wishing he’d stayed in Snowtown!

But anyways kids, there you have it- Alligator Blood– My LAY. OF. THE. DAY

I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why THEY call me Craaaaaazy Craig!


Redoute’s digs, HE LUNGES AND WINS!

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