Horse Racing

The Chalk Eaters Guide: 19th October


Tomorrow is so big, that Gazza himself will be at Royal Randwick!

I suspect that thousands of Rebel Whopper eating Greenies are preparing to invade our metropolitan racecourses in response to that graphic 7:30 report, and if you thought that story was bad, just wait until the ABC gets their hands on the footage of that Darren Weir jigger video the Victorian Police supposedly have… Flemington will get turned into a crater!

Anyway, tomorrow could well be the biggest day in the history of thoroughbred racing- The time-honoured Caulfield Cup at The Heath, and north of the Murray, ON THE SAME DAY, 40,000 people will flock to Royal Randwick to cheer on the country gallopers in The Kosciuszko!

And apparently there’s another race named after a mountain with a bunch of sprinter worth a few shekels.

Just for the record, I’ve already nailed my colours to the Santa Ana Lane sleigh, and as for the Caulfield Cup…. bugger it, I’ll take the horse named after the Colac cricketer, Finche.

Hilo (No.3, Barrier 4) in Race 3 at Caulfield, 1:25pm AEDT

1400m 3YO Listed Gothic Stakes

Trainer: James Cummings, Hoop: Damien Lane, 55kg

Apparently, The Sheikh enjoys the produce of our cows

Hahahahaha, Hilo.

I wouldn’t be surprised if Godolphin have a few yearlings called Full Cream, Soy Milk, Goat Milk, Fat Free and Lactose Free.

In fact, for no reason, here’s that memorable Mark Webber Canberra Milk Kid ad.

Hilo has won 2/4 career starts, and his last appearance was in the Guineas Prelude, which was his first run at 1400m, and he ran home with Super Seth across the line for a disappointing 6th, and 2 starts ago at Geelong, comfortably beat a certain Southbank.

Based on last weekend at The Heath, that is possibly acceptable 3YO form.

And of course, he’s being ridden by Frosty Lane, the very man entrusted to ride Lys Gracieux to her inevitable Cox Plate victory next week.

If he can’t get it done, I’ll chase him back to Bunbury myself…. but I suppose the unbeaten Heirborn might just prove to be better.

Victorem (No.1, Barrier 5) in Race 5 at Randwick, 2:50pm AEDT

1200m The Kosciuszko

Trainer: Jenny Graham, Hoop: Tommy Berry, 59kg

I heard Peter V’landys named the race The Kosciouszko because he’s a massive Oils fan.

If that completely untrue story is correct, don’t be surprised if Racing NSW suddenly announce a new race called The Beds are Burning.

In the battle to be named the best country horse, Victorem from Port Macquarie is the class runner of the field, and in aiming for another crack at the newly found Holy Grail of country NSW, Jenny Graham (Who also trains Awesome Pluck) kept Victorem fresh for the race, with his last appearance coming at Eagle Farm way back in June- A run that resembled a prison shower beating.

Up against Country Championship winner Noble Boy from Queanbeyan, last year’s winner Belflyer from somewhere near Woop Woop, Noble Boy can realistically win this, without the threat of rain to derail him.

Brutal (No.1, Barrier 2) in Race 6 at Randwick

1200m Group 3 SWFA Sydney Stakes

Trainers: Team Hawkes, Hoop: Tommy Berry, 58.5kg

Ever since the Everest came about, the Sydney Stakes is the annual race for the horses who are deemed too spuddy for the big race, but too good for the rest.

Having said that, last year, Pierata won the race, and ran a faster time than Redzel’s Everest winning effort.

Brutal has been superb through his lightly raced 8 start career, which includes a Doncaster victory, and he was included as the first emergency for The Everest, but that McRace was never the goal for John Hawkes and sons, as the 4YO will probably aim for, and probably start favourite for, the inaugural Golden Eagle in a fortnight.

He’s short enough, has Barrier 2, retains the services of Tommy Berry, and will probably go close to winning.

Yep, that’s all from me.

Dance Music (No.3, Barrier 9) in Race 9 at Ascot, 5:45pm AWST (8:45)

1200m 72+ Rating Handicap

Trainer: Simon Miller, Hoop: Chloe Azzopardi (a2), 59 down to 57kg

Dance Music you say… well, here’s some dance music.

Le Freak- I believe that’s what the French nicknamed Treve

On to my token Perth tip, and instead of joining the acolytes of The Wizard conducting their the Pike In The Last ritual, I’ve gone for the pretty darn nice Dance Music 1st up, who had won 6 out of her 7 career starts, including the Placid Ark last spring.

She looks set to go, having trialed pretty well at Lark Hill, and on paper, there’s plenty of horses looking to sit on speed, so hopefully, Chloe Azzopardi, brother of Smokin’ Joe, is able to get that fabled one out one back position, and make it 7 out of 8 positions.

So that said, if you’re on the Eastern Seaboard and still punting by this stage of Saturday, you’ll probably be let down.

Crazy Craig’s Tip of the Day

Somewhere, Billy Thorpe’s Estate are on to me

Laying Redzel in The Everest at Randwick, 4:15pm AEDT

Trainers: Peter and Paul Snowden, Jockey: Kerrin McEvoy, 58.5kg

G’day fellow degenerates, it’s Crazy Craig here, and MY GOODNESS, I am peaking like a teenager at a music festival ahead of this superb weekend of racing!

And today’s analysis has me taking a look at an Everest runner, who I think might go like my tip of Single Handed in the Moe Cup!

Pretty bloody ordinary!

And yes, I’ve once again targeted the Big Red Horse, based on the form of the other runners, and this is where you come in and say, “But Crazy Craig, Redzel is the only ever winner of The Everest!”

Yeah, and I was voted ‘Craziest Resident of Bairnsdale’ for 10 years running!

It means nothing to me!

So, the first time ever, The Everest will be run in clear blue skies, and there’s going to be a speed battle more fierce than the Rinehart children battling for Gina’s fortune, which will count against Redzel, which leads to my Craaaazy declaration- THERE WILL BE NO 3PEAT!

There you have it- Redzel-MY LAY. OF. THE. DAY.

I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaazy Craig!

Wow, aren’t you brave Craig, laying a $10 chance.

AND LASTLY BEFORE I GO: How dumb the Caulfield Cup order of entry is.

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