Horse Racing

The Chalk Eaters Guide: 4th January

This year in Kiwi racing: A false start, a jockey wins his first race in 30 years, and Ricky May has a heart attack in a harness race

Gav and Gaz battling it out through 40 degree temps on the Central Coast – You don’t become a Maitland Hall of Famer for nothing

The last Chalk Eaters before I send it off to the paddock for a 3 week spell – Conveniently the week before the Magic Millions, although I am open to pulling a John Farnham comeback.

Unfortunately the story of the last few weeks has continued – The hellish conditions still hitting the East Coast have put more and more meetings on the backburner, especially in Nowra (Where my Aunt & Uncle have lived for several decades and are okay for now), where the NYE meeting had to be abandoned because of how bloody close the South Coast fires are to the course.

Still we press on and do our best to help, and being the first Saturday of the New Year, it’s time for the New Years’ Classic – The Perth Cup, which unfortunately will probably now and forever be a 2400m camel race, a far cry from the days of the 3200m slugfest, with moments like Laurie Connell pumping Rocket Racer full of elephant juice and then covering up his shitful act by helping the peasants drain the Members bar.

Danny Hobby would’ve jumped off halfway down the straight

Ah, the glory days of WA Inc.

Other than that, the Magic Millions draws closer and closer on the Coast of Gold, with the Magic Millions Country Cup and The Wave, and believe it or not, there’s a race at Randwick called The Maroubra Handicap.

All I can think is, don’t go near it if you look a touch Middle Eastern.

The Pines (No.5, Barrier 11) in Race 5 at the Gold Coast, 3:28pm AEST (4:28)

1200m Magic Millions Country Cup

Trainer(s): Toby & Trent Edmonds, Hoop: Ryan Maloney, 56kg

The most abused trees on Christmas, and soon to be the most abused horse in Australian TABs

You know it’s Magic Millions time when I’m resorting to picking nags from the Gold Coast races.

The locally trained Edmonds mare The Pines has had what could be described rather timidly as a solid start to her career – She didn’t debut until she was an Autumn 3YO, but has raced 6 times for 5 wins and a runners-up placing.

Like several of my relatives, she’s been running amok on the Sunshine Coast this Spring, coming off the speed in three consecutive races to bring up a winning hat-trick.

There’s still plenty of improvement left in her, this is a more than winnable race, although that said, it is a Queensland race, so just watch this end up worse than New Zealand’s current Test team.

Deadset, the South Perth 3rd XI have better prospects right now.

Word For Word (No.3, Barrier 4) in Race 8 at Randwick (Kenso), 5:40pm AEDT

1550m BM78 Handicap

Trainer: Chris Waller, Hoop: Nash Rawiller, 58kg

It feels like it was only last decade that Word For Word ran 2nd in a driving finish, and cost me the glory of a perfect 4/4 Chalk Eaters performance.

More accurately, it feels like it was only a fortnight ago.

It continued the story of Word Ford Word’s frustrarting career – That’s now 8 starts for 5 runners-up placings, although if you look at it from another angle, she’s very reliable at cashing cheques and snapping necks, considering she’s placed in 7 out of 8 runs.

In pursuit of win No.2, she goes up to the 1550m of the Kensington track, which means there’s more free time for Nash to belt someone on the turn, and if she can’t win here, well, I suppose a lucky trainer on the North Coast is going to be receiving a quality midweek horse.

Fabergino (No.5, Barrier 4) in Race 7 at Ascot, 4:20pm AWST (7:20)

1000m Listed Summer Scorcher

Trainer: Tiarnna Robertson, Hoop: Peter Knuckey, 54.5kg

You know, if my memory is still holding up, Fabergino was Crazy Craig’s first-ever Lay Of The Day.

She won.


11 months on, she’s featuring in another race now a part of the Perth Cup furniture, the Summer Scorcher, a race that I believe was going to be renamed the Perth Scorcher, before the idea was mysteriously taken by Cricket Australia.

The market appears to have narrowed it down to a mare on mare honey wrestling match between Fabergino and Essential Spice, but the reason I’ve taken Fabergino – Breaking my New Years’ promise after a record 3 days – Is that her 1st Up record (Especially at Ascot) is simply sublime.

5 starts for a lazy 5 wins, the latest of which was back in October when she won the Crawford.

Of course, now that I’ve thrown her in, watch that record become 6 starts for 5 wins.

You poor bugger, you never had a chance.

Token Perth Cup Tip: Taxagano, 5pm AWST (8pm)

2400m Group 2 Handicap

Trainer: Fred Kersley, Hoop: Brad Parnham, 53kg

The Perth Cup has long been one of the many Perth races that Bob Peters has milked dry for his retirement fund, having won 6 of the last 10 editions, and he’s got everyone pinned over a barrel again with Star Exhibit and Mississippi Delta leading the market.

That said, with no degree of confidence, I’ve gone for Taxagano, which is quite an ironic statement, because Taxagano has been racing his tits off lately.

Yep, fancy that, I’ve picked something above $3 – It’s a Festivus miracle.

His last 4 runs have all been at Listed level, but out in front, he’s proven tougher to deal with than an ingrown hair in his Ascot starts – He won the Ascot Gold Cup at 1800m, stepped up to the 2100m in the Tatts and ran a very game 2nd to Missile Launch, then slugged it out with Prince Turbo in the G.A Towton Cup and won with a 9th round KO from Peter Hall.

After running at 59kgs in his last 2 starts, he joins 3/4 of the field in dropping down to the minimum of 53, which will probably feel like a featherweight, and the other big change is that Hally jumps off to be reunited with defending champ Star Exhibit, putting Brad Parnham in the saddle.

I imagine Old Fred has two instructions for the middle (Could be wrong) of the Parnham boys – Sit on the speed and get ready for a war.

To be honest, if I wasn’t cleaning the house, I’d have written this up at 2pm and told you that the E/W looked more than reasonable for Taxagano – He’s now $6/$2.20, so it depends if you’re a lightweight like me.

Crazy Craig’s Tip Of The Day

Telling us something here Craig?

LAYING Smart ‘N’ Sexy (No.5, Barrier 1) in Race 3 at the Gold Coast, 2:12pm AEST

1100m Aquis Gold Pearl (2YO Fillies)

Trainer: Toby & Trent Edmonds, Jockey: Matthew McGilivray, 57kg

For the first time this decade, ahoy-hoy ladies and gents, it’s Crazy Craig the Boy From Bairnsdale, ready to bring you more fun and games on a Saturday!

After my raging success in 2019, I’m once again I’m sticking to the Queensland 2YO races, although this time I’m heading down the highway to the Gold Coast, the place with more Victorian retirees than Victoria!

My friend Mr Alfonse told me a strange character called The Cheetah lives there!

How crazy is that! An actual cheetah lives on the Gold Coast!

Anyway, I’m taking on one of the locals in the fillies race, which I’m assuming was named in my honour – Smart ‘N’ Sexy!

It certainly couldn’t have been named after Crazy Colin!

Regardless, the reason I’m taking her on is….

Actually, why am I taking her on?

Ah yes, my theory is that 2 year old races are a deadset lottery, and I reckon I’m at least a 12.55% chance of succeeding with the sheer number of debutants in the race!

So there you go, for no reason at all, SMART ‘N’ SEXY – My LAY. OF. THE. DAY.

I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Crazy Crazy Crazy Crazy Crazy Craig!

I’m absolutely not kidding, Craig used the word Crazy that many times in a voicemail – I have witnesses.

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