Horse Racing

The Chalk Eaters Guide: 1st February

Happy 1st Anniversary of Darren Weir’s Abrupt Farewell Tour

“The favourite is the favourite for a reason, Gav!”

For those of you who heard about me miraculously tipping 4/4 last week, I only have one thing to say.

Even broken clocks are right twice a day…. or in my case, 4 times.

It’s all downhill from there.

Moving on, and it’s been a wild week across the land – Manuel lost his life in the Australia Stakes, Allan Hull called the gates craaaaaashing back for the last time, dozens of meetings have been either cancelled or moved because of the heat, and in a rare display of integrity from the QRIC, Danny Nikolic was denied his jockey’s license in Queensland.

We’ve all got families Danny, and we know where yours live.

A Fijian prison.

Anyway, there’s still plenty of action on tomorrow – The G2 Expressway was moved from Rosehill to Randwick, Super Seth and Dalasan punch up in the Manfred, we’ve got the Scenic Blast at Ascot, and the big one of the day is the one and the only…

TASMANIAN DERBY, IN THE RETURN TO ROYAL ELWICK.

Time to follow the Mamba Mentality, and go for broke with 3 defenders in my face.


High Bridge (No.4, Barrier 5) in Race 3 at Caulfield, 1:45pm AEDT

2407m Handicap

Trainer: Chris Waller, Hoop: Dwayne Dunn, 56kg

Here we have the 9-year-old British import High Bridge, a rare situation of an import being trained by an import.

Despite being an old bastard, High Bridge has been performing really well this Summer – He ran 2nd in both the Christmas Cup at Randwick and the Bagot Handicap on New Years Day, before Chris apparently figured out the magic trick was getting Dwayne Dunn to build momentum on the turn so the Bridge could let down in the straight.

Wouldn’t you know it, he won last start, which would make it the greatest discovery since Archimedes noticed water rose the moment he stepped into a bath.

I imagine Chris and Archimedes both shouted “Eureka!” when they succeeded.

Anyway, on paper, this looks just as winnable as that Flemington race was.


Trevelyan (No.4, Barrier 4) in Race 3 at Eagle Farm, 1:48pm AEST

1600m Eva Air Class 6 Plate

Trainer(s): John & Chris Meagher, Hoop: Rockin’ Ron Stewart, 57.5kg


Trevelyan eh…..

“For the punters, Ron?

“No, for me.”


Subpoenaed (No.8, Barrier 3) in Race 5 at Randwick, 3:15pm AEDT

1400m 3-4YO Benchmark 70 Handicap

Trainer Chris Waller, Hoop: Tommy Berry, 55.5kg

A notice I will most likely be receiving multiple times in 2020

Talk about another omen bet – Last week it was Pandemic, who duly infected everyone at Randwick, while this week, it’s a horse named after something that certain people are trying to avoid in WWE Hall Of Famer Donald Trump’s Impeachment Trial.

As for the horse, apparently it’s trialled well after running in Group races throughout the Spring, so on paper, this is a crapload easier.


Inspirational Girl (No.7, Barrier 10) in Race 7 at Ascot, 4:10pm AWST

1600m Adrian Chan Memorial Handicap

Trainer(s): Grant & Alana Williams, Hoop: Pikey, 55.5kg

Over to the Mild Mild West, and it’s Scenic Blast Stakes Day, while several of the races on the card are named after jockeys (and trainers) killed in falls across WA – Jason Oliver (Damien’s well-known older brother), Hana Dickson, Nicole Botica, and Adrian Chan, who was felled at Carnavon in July 2004.

Looking at the race, and Uncle Bob has found another bog average operator in Inspirational Girl, who flashed home for a narrow 2nd to Driftstar on Perth Cup Day, giving the Punters perfect reason to truckload The Wizard again, and my wordy, we haven’t missed.

I imagine she will most likely be subjected to the typical Pike ride – Go back, go for the rail even though there’s no bloody room, while out in front, Patristic tries to lead all the way.

This will work like pineapple on pizza.


Crazy Craig’s Tip Of The Day


LAYING Night Of Power (No.8, Barrier 7) in Race 4 at Randwick, 2:40pm AEDT

1500m Benchmark 88 Handicap

Trainer: Bjorn Baker, Jockey: Kerrin McEvoy, 53kg

All right all right all right knackers, it’s Crazy Craig, The Boy From Bairnsdale, and if I’m not the human equivalent of charcoal chicken by the time this email reaches JT, it’ll be a MIRACLE!

IT IS BLOODY SHIT HOT IN BAIRNSDALE, KNACKERS!

Anyway, in a bid to escape the heat, I’m heading north to Sin City, because I’m targeting a horse whose name sounds like Might and Power, but unlike the great Mighty, he is a FRAUD!

In the market, Romani Girl is your current favourite at $3 after running 3rd to Invincibella at the Magic Millions, while Night Of Power, on the back of dropping 7 kilos and falling arse first over the line at Canterbury, is $3.40!

He barely beat Dalmatia Prince!

How crazy is that!

Sure he’s got Barrier 1 and there’s no speed, but that’s way too short for your old mate Crazy Craig, and thus, I’m prepared to take him on as my LAY. OF. THE. DAY.

I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Crazy Crazy Crazy Crazy Craig!


Failing to land a Lay has fried your brain, Craig.

Then again, plenty of other things have fried your brain.

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