Next time the Chalk Eaters is on February 29 = 2048

I heard a deadset pisser of a line from one G.Harley on Thoroughbred Central last weekend:

“She’s starting to sweat a bit between the legs… I hate that saying but I just said it.”

Never a dull moment with Gazza – And there was also the Galapagos moment at Scone with Gav.

To cap it off, Galapagos won the race.

This will almost certainly be the only time in recorded history that I can get a guide out for the 29th of February, and bloody hell, the powers that be have made sure it’s a good one.

Chipping Norton day at Randwick, with the G1 Surround and a bunch of other Group races (The Skyline among them), Australian Guineas day at Flemington, the Lord Reims at Morphetville, the Tatts Members at Doomben, and some boring crap at Ascot as always.

Far out, the fact that the Surround Stakes is a Group 1 just goes to show how devalued the phrase ‘Group 1’ is in this country.

That bloody race was lucky to even be a Group 2.

Eric The Eel (No.11, Barrier 11) in Race 1 at Doomben, 12:38pm AEST

1600m Class 3 Plate

Trainer: Stewie Kendrick, Hoop: Jimmy Orman, 56.5kg

Eric ‘The Eel’ Moussambani, the most inspiring (And the greatest) moment of the 2000 Olympics.

Who can forget that three-swimmer race that suddenly turned into a one man show at the blocks, especially with Roy & HG’s commentary cheering him on to an Equitorial Guinea record time.

That said, I only picked him because of his name, because far out, you wouldn’t get a bigger tease at a strip club.

He was good as a 2YO, but despite racing in Group 1 company south of the border this season (Including the Caulfield Guineas), he just hasn’t gone on with it.

Doing stuff all a few weeks ago the latest example.

Apparently Stewie Kendrick still wants to race him in black type this season, but if Eric can’t win a Class 3 against this pack of plodders, then all I will say is, hahahahahaha.

It’s a shame Doomben won’t be a wet track tomorrow – Then we’d really be able to find out if Eric swims like his namesake.

Catalyst (No.4, Barrier 4) in Race 7 at Flemington, 4:10pm AEDT

1600m 3YO SW Group 1 Australian Guineas

Trainer: Clayton Chipperfield, Hoop: Damian Lane, 56.5kg

On a day where we have a WFA Group 1, this Australian Guineas is looking like the racing equivalent of a pay-per-view Fatal Four Way.

Alligator Blood vs Catalyst vs Chenier vs Alabama Express, with Superstorm (Quite topical for a Perth horse) and Dalasan trying to enter the ring with a steel chair.

Alabama Express has a Group 1 win to his name, Chenier is ripe for the mile, The Gator was the better horse over the 1400m in the CS Hayes, but over the mile, I’m playing the role of the swinging voter, and going for the Kiwi Catalyst.

The only time he’s raced over the mile, he won the New Zealand 2000 Guineas, and if you do the math, that’s like, double the worth of a 1000 Guineas.

In a strange turn of fate, Frosty Lane was originally set to ride Catalyst in that epic CS Hayes, until he got himself rubbed out for a fortnight the week before – He’s back now, and JMac is staying in Sydney… Where he usually rides.

Strap into your favourite chair and fill the fridge full of piss – This should be the race of the day.

Dreamforce (No.4, Barrier 4) in Race 7 at Woyal Wandwick, 4:30pm AEDT

1600m WFA Group 1 Chipping Norton Stakes

Trainer: John Thompson, Hoop: Blake Shinn, 59kg

For the first time since 2015, we’ll have a winner of the Chipping Norton that didn’t start with ‘W’ and end with ‘inx’.

It was that long ago that the race was still being held at Warwick Farm, John O’Shea was Godolphin’s head trainer, and James McDonald hadn’t discovered the joys of punting on your own rides.

I figured I’d go really outside the box here…. and pick the second favourite.

Yay, go me.

Just like luminaries such as Mick Fanning, Nick Faldo, and Chief Brody from Jaws, I’m taking on a Shark, and picking Dreamforce to knock off Te Akau Shark…. and the other horses like Happy Clapper and Fierce Impact.

He was damn good in the Apollo, before Alizee hit the afterburners and cut him down 100 out – The big change from that run is that the mafia have taken out a contract on Nash Rawiller, meaning Blake Shinn has been recalled from Honkers to take the ride.

He’s got the run under the belt, back on top of the ground, and he’ll be giving them a damn good sight out in front… assuming he doesn’t shit the bed at the jump.

Tuscan Queen (No.1, Barrier 6) in Race 8 at Ascot, 4:45pm AWST

1600m Listed Ascot 1000 Guineas

Trainer(s): Grant & Alana Williams, Hoop: Peter Hall, 57kg

According to the average American, a Tuscan is one of those things that attacked Luke Skywalker in A New Hope.

Apparently the Tusken Raiders fled to Italy after Old Ben Kenobi frightened them off, and that’s how Tuscany came to be.

On to the racing, and at last, the lightning and thunder have finally buggered off from Perth, and we can get set for the least relevant of the classic races in WA.

It’s easy to forget Tuscan Queen was the favourite for the Kingston Town this past December – Turns out she wasn’t even the best 3YO in the race.

She returned in the Challenge Stakes, and never really looked like a winning chance after settling last (Top job Hally), but she did hit the line well for 4th behind a certain Superstorm, who will feature in the aforementioned Australian Guineas.

The blinkers go on, she will probably settle a tad more forward, although, she does carry the extra weight as a penalty, which would normally result in a horse of her ilk being targeted by Crazy Craig.

Good thing he doesn’t pay attention to WA.

Crazy Craig’s Tip Of The Day

LAYING Fabergino (No.6, Barrier 9) in Race 6 at Flemington, 3:30pm AEDT

1000m Listed Hcp Bob Hoysted Handicap

Trainer: Tiarnna Robertson, Jockey: Jordan Childs, 57kg

G’day knackers, it’s Crazy Craig the Boy From Bairnsdale, and I’m flabbergasted kids, I completely forgot that there was such a thing as February 29!

Back in my day, we had 28 days in February – Hopefully the government makes a few cutbacks and restores order in 2021.

Back on topic, I was on the phone to my Perth colleague Mr Alfonse yesterday, and he informed me about a good mare going over to Melbourne that I once attempted to lay!

I asked him, “What’s a Fabergino?”

He said, “A horse that you failed to lay last year!”

And I said, “You’re right!”

Yes, Fabergino burnt my arse nice and good last year, but after a few months in the ward, I’m back for Round 2 on home turf!

The big reason I’m going after the speedy mare again is that she’s never gone up a straight of any type – 5 furlongs, 6 furlongs, there’s only two 1000m straights in Australia, and despite the other being in WA, she’s NEVER been over one!

It clearly makes a difference knackers, believe me!

I don’t have any evidence, but believe me, it does!

Sure she’s 6/6 first up, and she’s mapped for an uncontested lead, but speed maps have never dissuaded me – FABERGINO – My LAY. OF. THE. DAY.

I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaaaazy Craig!

Craig, you truly are a crazy bastard.